Superkla's Xanga

In a society so obsessed with perfection, who are the women young girls should look up to?

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:41:01 GMT

Jennifer Love Hewitt because I read an article about her recently and she sounds like she likes to live the simple life, and she's only just turned 30 something, knows who she is, keeps her life private, and seems very focused and in-tune with the day-to-day things. And she's not out for bad publicity. She seems like a for-real personality.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

What magazines do you enjoy reading?

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:38:04 GMT

Dressage - cause its all about horse's duh! And Woman's Health because it has lots of great pieces of information and articles I can relate to and want to know more about. I also pick up decorating magazines sometimes because I like to see what nice houses can be designed to look like. I like to see what is in other people's homes. I'm in an apartment so I'm jealous.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Balance of Life; The Tiger Within

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:09:48 GMT

About the drawing:

I thought of the balance of life and how it eats at your brain when you have a problem. Hence, the eyes attached to the brain watching the tiger.

The man is balanced, his conscience on top is leading the way, but falling short of his goals because of the conflict within himself, his brain, his enemy; the tiger within.

You don't have to like it, I won't be offended. But I had to draw it.

If you got a terminal disease what would you do?

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:25:05 GMT

I'd probably allow myself to have more fun; at the same time hoping my energy wasn't drained too much.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Fantastic Evening!

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:05:37 GMT

I had a fantastic - super-duper ride this evening. It was sunny outside, barely a breeze, and William was magnificent. We couldn't have had a better day!!!

Running Outside - Smelling Average House Chemicals

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 01:27:18 GMT

Tonight I went for a run and as usual I was astounded at the amount of chemicals that are in the air from average households. In just my little community I can smell lawn care, garbage, grills, hair chemicals, clothes driers and many more smells. Uuugh, and they smell so bad, especially when you're running and trying to fill your lungs with air. It's suffocating and surprising what the average households in your community smell like.

And I live in a decent area, its just that we use so many things that all add up into one big cloud of smog and it sits there. I believe its more noticeable at night when I run because most families are home and houses are busy. One house had the smell of hairspray so strong I had to stop running and walk a bit to catch my breathe.

I'm going to sound like a pussy...(but I'll do it for you xanga)

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:42:00 GMT

I came home early from work today. I knew that I would since lunch when I drove to the public library. It was bright and sunny out so I sat in my car and soaked in the heat. Away from people. Alone. Quiet. I needed that.

I struggle everyday wondering where I plan on going in life. My job is doing very well, a promotion is again on the way which means more responsibility and I'm not so sure I want that. I do, but I don't. It means sitting in front of the computer longer hours and less breaks.

I love the computer, but I love my days off and my sanity more. I'm only 26 and I know I'm not satisfied. I should be; I have a 401k, benefits, decent pay, vacation days, and paying the rent is doable. I also go horseback riding, do artwork, have a loving boyfriend of almost 3 years now (poor guy is so understanding and logical compared to me), and we go on hikes together and spend weekends enjoying nature.

Why is it so hard to be at work 40 hours a week? Partly because its nice out. Garbage had it right singing, "I'm only happy when it rains" because then I don't feel I'm missing out on the world. But is the world that grand? Probably not. Any vacation I've been on lately is watching old folks funnel into a McDonald's, or a CVS, while you patiently hold the door for their slow ass walker hoping to god they don't let out a stinky fart. I know that's mean - but you get the point.

Old farts want to be younger, younger folk want to be older, but not in the crypt. Younger folk think they have problems. But they won't know their current problems are insignificant until they experience mid-life problems (so I've been told).

I guess what I'm trying to say in this blog is that I'm happy, but not completely. I have lots of desires, but no idea how to obtain them, where to even beginning realizing if they are doable or not. And, if they are doable, do I leave my current stable job to pursue something so bold and possibly not even rewarding? When do I know that NOW is the time? I think I'm tired - tired of trying...what has my payoff been?

I think I'm at the point in life where I look at teenagers and laugh at their problems. But yet, older adults laugh at mine. That's why I rarely want to express them; because I know older adults who have had their go at larger problems will poo-poo mine down the river. That's okay, if I were them, I would too.

And tonight, I practiced breathing 10 times - big inhale/exhales...I heard its good for you. And then I thought about Centered Riding with the horses. There's something called Soft Eyes, and Hard Eyes. When I sit at the computer all day I have hard eyes that concentrate VERY hard on one area. It reflects in my inability to deal with things at times, and it affects how my ride goes at the barn. Horses are very keen on what the rider does, and I need to practice soft eyes where I scan the whole arena and have a softer approach to what I'm doing, balanced, and "asking" the horse more than "telling" him.

Work fucks that up. Writing that sentence made me think of my dad who would yell at the television, "They had to go the WHOLE movie until the end where they said a bad word just to get an R rating...idiots!"

What I'm saying is that work sometimes feels like it takes my soul away. BUT, some days it revives it. So...why the hell do I seem so intent on thinking about a different job when things really are just fine? I'm 26, lots to learn, lots to live through...why the fuck am I being a pussy?

Creature to Rise...maybe

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 13:22:12 GMT

I recently re-started my original sculpture project. I often make weird creatures up in pen and ink (let's my imagination go wild!) , and I've wanted them to come to life so I began trying to sculpt them. So, here is the start of this creature. I started this 1 year ago, but as you can see I didn't get very far, but I've moved my table around and made myself a comfy little area so now I think I might be tempted to finish this project.

(It won't bother me if you don't like it - It's mainly a project for myself but I want to keep track of my process on here so I remind myself to get to it!)

Hot, humid, but comfy Sunday

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 19:36:59 GMT

Instead of taking it easy and doing nothing today like my parakeet, named Chicken, I've decided its actually time to get some artwork going again. I've had a few days of successful focus and nearly finishing each of those projects. I spend so much time online surfing what OTHER people do, and admiring them for their talent. That's nice and all but when the hell was I planning on actually completing something I could be proud of? I keep saying "I wish...I could...maybe...someday...I might...." and then like usual I don't.

Lately I've been trying to put aside what I think I should do, and just do what I really FEEL like doing. Sometimes I relate this feeling to being a kid. As a kid you don't care, you just do. Sure you probably tried to impress somebody important in your life, but for the most part its just a part of YOU.

I like to make pencil mark on a piece of paper and see what it turns into. That's always fun because there is no expectation of what it should be, just what it ends up being. I should do this more often. That way I don't do something and get turned off by how badly it comes out.

Today I sat down with clay and just went to town. It's not done yet, but its getting there. And best of all I feel content. I'm not itching to do something else or throw it out the window. That's good for me! Though my boyfriend did remind me that I should start FINISHING something. I use to be good at that, I'd rush to complete it because if I try to go back to something I always mess it up.

Note to self today: Stop beating yourself up for what you're not - love yourself for who you already are.

Can romantic interest be rekindled once it is gone? How?

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 03:59:42 GMT

That's a tough question because there are so many things to factor in. On one hand I say nope, once its gone, its gone. But on the other hand if there is respect, true desire, and a willingness to pursue each other then I think it will work. I think it takes time for both people to reflect on who they are at that point in time, what caused them to drift apart, and what they feel is missing and then TELL the person.

Maybe its as simple as getting away for a few days where they don't know anybody. Leave it all behind...get to know one another again.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!