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| Company policy gets coffee Good morning, I’ve been extremely rude in not introducing myself. As such, and in line with company policies, I’m thereby compelled to make it up to you by buying you a cup of coffee at the café. I hope you’ll consider it, as it will reflect on my bonus next year. Kindly indicate your availability in your reply to this email. Thanks and warm regards, Aaron A. p.s. Please note, coffee is not explicitly specified in the guidelines, and as such, it can be replaced with any other hot beverage. The absence of decent hot beverages may call for a suitable replacement with a light snack of fair or equal value. It’s entirely up to you. 2 hours later, Aaron got his coffee. 5 dates (and 10 cups of coffee) later, he is now happily attached to the 'nice girl from the office'. Aaron, YOU rock!  | | |
| The boys have recently discovered that flashing their car keys or flaunting the size of their..ahem...works better than the best pick-up line in the book...
Ah well, here's something different for a change:
A Pinch Guide to Beer Troubleshooting
SYMPTOM : Feet cold and wet.
FAULT : Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION : Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM : Feet warm and wet.
FAULT : Improper bladder control.
ACTION : Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM : Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT : Glass empty.
ACTION : Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM : Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT : You have fallen over backwards.
ACTION : Have yourself leashed to the bar.
SYMPTOM : Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT : You have fallen forwards.
ACTION : See above.
SYMPTOM : Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT : Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION : Retire to restroom, practice in front of mirror.
SYMPTOM : Floor blurred.
FAULT : You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION : Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM : Floor moving.
FAULT : You are being carried out.
ACTION : Insist on being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM : Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT : Bar has closed.
ACTION : Continue drinking
SYMPTOM : Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT : Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION : Immediately cover mouth.
SYMPTOM : Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT : You are dancing on the table.
ACTION : Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM : Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT : It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION : Punch him.
SYMPTOM : Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT : You have been in a fight.
ACTION : Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM : Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT : You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION : See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM : Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT : The beer is too weak.
ACTION : Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM : Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT : Beer is just right.
ACTION : Play air guitar.
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| Today's entry is courtesy of, Adrian Ho
Creative Group Head
BBDO Malaysia 29 PICK UP LINES THAT MIGHT NOT WORK
1. If you and I were squirrels,could I bust a nut in your hole?
2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
3. If it's true that we are what we eat,I could be you by morning!
4. How do you like your eggs: poached,scrambled,or fertilized?
5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.
6. You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.
7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
8. Roses are red.Violets are blue.I like spaghetti.Let 's go fuck.
9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!
10.If your right leg was Thanksgiving,and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?
11. You remind me of a championship bass,I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
12. Your parents must! be retarded,because you are special.
13. Could I touch your belly button.....from the inside?
14. I'm not too good at algebra,but doesn't U+I = 69?
15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me,I said you look fat in those pants"
17. I'm new in town,could I have directions to your house.
18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
19. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
20. You might not be the best looking girl here,but beauty is only a light switch away.
21. Hey baby,what's your sign?Caution,slippery when wet,dangerous curves ahead,yield?
22. I can't find my puppy,can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.
23. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.
24. Your body's name must be Visa,because it's everywhere I want to be.
25. Can I buy you a drink,or do you just want the money?
26. I may not be the best looking guy here,but I'm the only one talking to you.
27. That shirt looks very becoming on you,but if I were on you,I'd be coming too.
28. I'd like to screw your brains out,but it appears that someone beat me to it.
29. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag | | |
| Reviving this blog with an excerpt from MSN Dating & Personals
The worst pick-up lines... that ever worked!
By Matt Christensen
Happen magazine chooses the worst pick-up lines...that ever worked! These seemingly lame come-ons actually charmed women. Just goes to show you, romance is always full of surprises. Read on and pick up an idea or two.
The Corniest Line Ever Award
"This guy who was so not my style came over to me and my friends and asked: 'Do you happen to know how much a polar bear weighs?' We said no and kept walking, and then he said, 'Well, it's enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Brian.' We all cracked up and kept talking to him." —Charity, 29, Cincinnati, OH
The Artistic License Award
"I was shooting pool with friends, and some guys offered us a friendly challenge. Midway through the game, one of them looked at me and said, 'Do you remember Crayola crayons? Well, they used to have this color called Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color, and your eyes are actually Blizzard Blue.' I thought it was so cute-he had me right there." —Erica, 21, Brunswick, OH
The Balls of Steel Award
"I was at an office party when a guest of a coworker introduced himself and said, 'Blueberries or strawberries?' Confused, I asked what he meant, and he replied, 'I just want to know what kind of pancakes to make you in the morning.' He said it with such a straight face that it was like a scene in a funny movie. I didn't eat breakfast with him, but I did give him my number." —Jan, 33, Cleveland, OH
The Dumb and Dumber Award
"This random guy came up to me at a party, looked me straight in the eyes and said, 'Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.' I had absolutely no idea what he meant, but I thought it was funny and I liked how unusual it was. It got us talking, trying to figure out what that line meant!" —Holly, 19, Milford, OH
The Mama's Boy Award
"I was at a local bar one night, and this guy sat next to me and said, 'Would it freak you out if I said that I've already told my mother about you?' I said, 'No, why?' Then he told me that he'd actually stepped outside, called his mother and asked her how to approach me. I thought it was adorable that he was a mama's boy." —Michelle, 25, Erie, PA
The Oddest Use of a Parking Space Award
"I fought tooth and nail with a guy over a parking space and won. When I came back out to my car, there was a note on it that said, 'I like your style. Call me.' It was very unexpected, and I loved the approach. See, it pays to be a lover and a fighter." —Lynn, 36, Boston, MA
The Best Brown-Nosing Award
"This poker party I was at started to get very crowded. As a group of girls walked in, this guy came up behind me and said, 'I think you're going to be asked to leave soon. You're so pretty, you're putting all the other women to shame.' I tend to be very shy, so his compliment really helped crack my shell." —Katie, 31, Chicago, IL
The Let-Me-Count-The-Ways Award
"I first met my current boyfriend at a bar, and after we introduced ourselves, he said, 'I adore you.' He then drunkenly went on to catalog why he adored me—from the way I ordered drinks to the way I brushed hair out of my eyes. It was sort of scary that he'd been watching me, but what took it out of stalker mode and made it flattering was his sweetness and sincerity." —Melissa, 27, Brooklyn, NY
Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and The Cleveland Plain Dealer. The best line he's ever used was, "Hey, if I kiss you, will I get slapped?" I did, and I didn't, respectively.
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| Paddington Ong's pick up lines have worked well for him. Too well that he is now too busy dating, to send me new lines. Anyway, here's something left field (don't say i didn't warn you): Most of you are on friendster. And, unless you keep your profile accessible to only 1st degree friends, you're bound to get strange messages from people who are primarily there to 'Meet new friends'. Here's one which a girl friend of mine recently received- Date: Monday, January 17, 2005 5:47:00 PM
Subject: hi
Message: Hi,
I am not here to profess my great love, nor I am
here to impress upon you how great I am.
Regardless, I do not have any other question
to ask of you. I believe in due time when we get to
know better other questions will be answered.
I am just me, perhaps I am a bore, perhaps I am
not. Perhaps both? What gives?
What about you?
Regards,
George
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