Friends' Live Concert + Clubbing

Otsukare to all who performed at Sonar today!

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Today I entered a club for the first time in around 1.5 years...to see my friends' live though, and not for clubbing itself.  Everytime I enter a club, I get inspired by many thoughts....

(NOTE: I'm NOT trying to put down clubbing or the people who go clubbing!)

There are many girls who are there, hoping/expecting that a guy will come along and buy them a drink.  I guess this is ok because there are guys who like buying girls drinks, and a mutual exchange agreement is made.  In many cases, these girls are quite visually attractive, but as a regular ho-hum guy such as myself, it seems that I, and people like myself, are invisible to them.  Now, I think this is totally fine, because 1) even though I think they are attractive, that's about it and I don't really care for them anyways, and 2) they deserve better.  It's just interesting to think of what they expect and want...is it looks, money?  As for me, I know I should just stick to my own "kind," which I think is totally fine too...clubbing is just not my territory.

SO, despite having said that, you might be wondering what I'm concerned about.  Heh, dunno really...just that clubbing makes me think so much!  I assume (most) people go clubbing looking their best.  I guess it's kind of hopeless to know that looking your best is still not going to get you that far.  Still, I thought today that clubbing is actually good stimulation, because you're polishing yourself in a way, and you get to be reminded of your "position." 

I think if I was an attractive girl, I'd love clubbing because I would be idolized and get free drinks too.  So, having written all of this, as a result, I guess they do what they do and can get what they get because...they just can.  And as for me, I can't, and I just don't suit the environment.  But because I don't like to lose, in a strange way, I'm starting to think that maybe I should go to such an environment more often than before, just for the sake of testing myself out.  I know I won't do that though for having to pay $15, but the concept itself seems interesting enough to me..hah.

I am not gay, but I have an automatic sense of respect for all guys who I perceive to be good looking.  I feel an aura of supremacy around them, and I feel more inclined to do as they say, just because of their appearance.  With visually attractive girls though, interestingly, I tend to relate them to the stereotypes that I have as written above, and kind of create a barrier in my mind between them and myself.  It takes a while, or I have to get to know them first before I realize that they are no different than anyone else.

I haven't updated this in a while..

I've just been up to random stuff...going out, etc.

How is everyone?

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Lately, I'm really missing going on stage with Larme...still a long time to go though before I return..hah.

I am almost done the new song though..

Here are recordings of Tyrant of Mary from the 03/21 live at Shibuya URGA.  This is a day after I called to say that I could perform no more because of my ears.  Raito is playing and singing at the same time (probably mostly improvised).  Holy fuck they are good.

http://www.myspace.com/tyrantofmary (songs are uploaded here)

Takahiro will be in the "Young Guitar" magazine soon apparently...

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My psychological state these days is interesting.  I suppose I haven't really changed...except I don't really laugh anymore...well, I guess I do...at times..

My short term goal is to grow my hair long so that I can cover my face and pretend to curse people when walking.  I think it would be pretty fun...except, I'll most likely cut it upon being disgusted by how I look with ugly semi long hair..haha.

***

I have decided to join the university choir to train my voice.  I've attended 2 practises already, and realized my voice is shit.

So, I quit my band, Tyrant of Mary, because of my ears.  It was great playing with them because I got to learn and experience many things, like how bands and lives work in Japan, and how it's like to play in the professional world (NOT fun..haha).

Speaking objectively, Tyrant of Mary is an incredible band.  The 2nd guitar, Takahiro, got second in a guitar contest where SEX MACHINEGUNS ex-guitar, CV PANTHER, was one of the judges.  Kouta, the bass, got second in ESP's bass contest.  Raito, lead guitar, and Tomo, the drummer, are also amazingly good.  I don't know how they will proceed as a band, but I'm sure the members individually will become a someone in the music world in the future.  And if they do, I have pics and clips to prove that I once played with them...haha!

So, here's a link to an interview that we received in January.  It was finally put online a few weeks ago:
http://door-navi.com/modules/column_music/index.php?id=97

This is the final pic of me when I was still happy on March 15 (taken before the Shibuya Camp show):

Lately I have many mood swings.  Sometimes I am fine when I can forget about it, and other times I'm not.  Anyways, I was happy to find out that some researchers are trying to develop a cure, which should be available in 10-30 years.  At least I have a chance to be cured before I die.

Well, right now I'm trying to be happy as much as I can, so I don't develop stress which will make the symptons worse..

I am quite homesick right now.  Something bad happened to my ears, making me wish that I'd never left Vancouver.  I had the worst 2 weeks of my life because of it, and I can only hope that it gets better.  Last night I could barely sleep...

I'm missing LARME, my family, and my friends in Vancouver.