moved to... http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=xXxLuvang3lXxX

mood:                                                                                                   lisenting: fallen- Mya                                                                               craving: *him* n sum cookie dough icecream n sum TGIF food lol                   doing: talking to an ol friend MR. JEFFEY long time no talk?                  missing: the past                                                                                  current thought: just when i put the past behind it comes back n wants to be the present again...

xangas being really gay oh wells... no werk all weekend so all good.... umMmm i got to go over my babys krib on tuesday it was good to finally be wid him that way... theres a YFC camp this weekend i could of gone but i unno im juss yeah i guess... i keep thinking bout *him* i unno how to stop i unno why i cant stop.... hes happy now i think... i guess im juss missing the past but thats the past n now is the future... everyone juss keeps saying shit and im giving up i unno how long i can stand all this... im not strong dem words get to me... n i start to believe in lies... oh gosh i keep having dreams of that guy from werk... ahHhh i gess i really did screw up on that one... he was too perfect for me... n i cant ferget him... erRr sumtimes at werk when i have nothing to do n im at my regester n think that hell come in n hell end up coming to my regester cuz im always the main regester n he'll end up saying hi n then everything will be all weird ugHhh i really dont want that to happend.... but i dont think hell ever wanna come bak der i wouldnt... why did i have to be so fucking stupid!!! a word of advice from me to EVERYONE when u find sumone u can talk to on the phone bout anithing n everything for like 2 to 3 hours n when u guys are together u feel all good n yall dont even have to touch eachother n u feel like u guys noe each other even tho yall only known eachother for only 2 weeks u noe theres sumthing there.... im juss stupid..  i do miss being on the phone wid him from 10-12 n then waking up at 6:30 cuz i din have ani sleep... i miss him going to my werk juss to see him n i miss werking wid him always makin me laugh....  gave me a reason to go to werk when i really hated it n when i lived at my job... but oh well i guess.... maybe juss maybe ill see him sumwhere n we can start over again.... im moving by january the family is splitting up i took it very bad at first but then i juss had to realize that it was gonna happend aniwais... my family hasnt been the family we used to be for a long time... i juss dont wanna leave my baby n *him* or my baby girl val.... but dis allf er now till next time......

<edit> finally scanned them pics i took lol thanxs to mama CHAREN

 me n my fav cousin

 me n steph

 me n steph again

<i look so fugly!! oh wells leave me sum>

" im all out of love im so lost w/o u i noe u were right believing for so long...."

uMm yeahHh my weekend was fun took more pics went to the mall 3 days in a row.... ive become REALLY REALLY close wid AMANDA n ASHELY i love those girls were the A3 lol but umMm yeah ive been really confoosed bout sum things but um yeah i guess i really deserve everything i get i juss got this nice ass design on my nails on thursday when i went to the mall n now its already coming off eRrrRR but my nails japped HARD as hell... lol cost a lot of money tho... i miss my baby i havent seen him in umm 4 days but im gonna see him tomorrow no matta wat it takes i WILL SEE my baby boi lol... im still trying to get used of everyone not wanting us together n talking there shit but w/e we are still together arnt we? the pics i took wid steph have my neckless dat has a big ass M on it i hope i wont regret it a couple of months from now ha ha YES i am falling for him... how could i NOT... umMmm one thing i learned from my past relationship wid a certain sumone i will NEVER again base my relationships on u noe the THREE letter word?? lol aniwais... i need a new job really bad but i cant let my old job go cuz i love working wid dem people... ive gotten really close to them.... i have so many random thoughts.... i want sum mcdonalds REALLY BAD!!! ive had it 5 days in a row oh wells... n taco bell man omg every damn nite now.... but dis all for now im sleepy... gnite...

(edit)

i love this song so i have to put this in hurRr i unno if anybody has heard it but u should down load it its really good...

Maria - I Give, You Take

: if you cut, I will bleed
: bring me down to my knees
: make me feel what I am is never good enough
: can you help me understand
: thought I made you a better man
: Guess somehow another way things just change

: It seems just like a distant memory
: that you used to be good for me
: but baby now it's clear

: I give, you take
: somehow it's gonna break
: I pray for the strength
: I hate to say I know it can't go on this way
: I give, you take
: I know we're gonna break
: and it hurts my soul
: I hate to say we can't go on this way

: with your words, you pull me in
: I always lose I just can't win
: and though I see, my heart is blind it gives in every time
: you got me on constant repeat I need a cure or a remedy
: cuz if I stay there won't be nothing left for me

: it seems just like a distant memory
: that you used to be good for me
: but now it's clear

: I give, you take
: somehow it's gonna break
: I pray for the strength
: I hate to say I know it can't go on this way
: I give, you take
: I know we're gonna break
: and it hurts my soul
: I hate to say we can't go on this way

: Now there's nothing left for us to save
: and only bitterness remains
: what we have is like a house of cards
: and it's falling apart
: now it's impossible to get it back with the bridges that you've burned
: i guess it's time to walk away
: cuz now it's so clear

damnNNn its been a whiles umm yeah been busy but holloween was alright had to work chilled after it then chilled more but yeahh uMmm... stuff has changed ive changed hes changed n everything between us has changed i wish i could say it changed for the better but it didnt at all were not even speaking... i can no longer look him in the eye all i can do is say sorry.... i wish i knew all this was coming ahead so i knew not to fall... he was so perfect but obviously not for me... i cant really take animore or anithing right now i juss fell really yeah... i wish he knew how i felt i wish i could of told him but i was at work i didnt wanna make a bigger scene i wish he didnt jump into conclutions i hope i didnt do harm to there relationship.... i hope he knows im here as a friend n will always be here as a friend im sorry for causing the drama im sorry that i liked him..... i cant even explain the rest im feeling cuz it hasnt really sunken in i guess im juss realizing that he will no longer call me at nite say goodnite leave me dorky messages...come by my job to say hi... bring me home... pick me up on my break... have this really weird conversation about black holes... theres no more of that... he came into my life made everything feel right but of course i tried to be a pimp n i tried to play off these feelings but its taken its toll n i understand my present.... he was there n now he isnt he was juss like a leave that was der but blown away so quickly by a lil breeze... i juss wish they would of given us time so i could of seen wat could of happend wat or who he really was to me but now its all wat if's n he could of's n i hate leaving a chapter of my life un finished... i guess till the next time i meet him if that does ever happend again...... 

happy birthday nonie!!

we may have not be as close as we was during freshmen year n we may not even noe each other dat well animore but u noe im always here for u n ill always love u like my older brother hope u have da time of ur life live it up sweetie n be a pimp!! get dem hoes!! lol luv ya!!