Yeah, life is so confusing.
Just for ppl who might not have read my previous entries, for a year and 3 months, I was dating a guy named Chuck. I was in love with him. He was the first guy I had sex with. He is the only guy I've ever really loved. He was driving me crazy at the end. He was smothering me. So I broke up with him. I also wanted to experience dating other guys.
I've slept with 2 guys since (it's been like 2 and a half months since). I've kissed other guys, had other guys ask me out; and I'm not interested really. I missed Chuck. He asked me if we could hang out like a month ago and I wanted to be friends so I said yes. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with him again but I did miss what close friends we were. I could tell him anything and it didn't faze him. We could read each other's minds. So I went to meet him and it was like nothing had changed. He was pressuring me to be his girlfriend again and he made me uncomfortable. I kissed him, which was a mistake because I feel that I led him on. I tried to tell him and he got mad and that was the last time we spoke until yesterday.
He IM'd me yesterday and was telling me how he's been in counseling and he feels it's been helping him. I wasn't going to meet up with him but I did. (After talking to him on AIM for a couple hours.) We hung out for hours. We got coffee, walked and walked for hours and even took my dog to the national state park near me. I really missed talking to him so much and it was so nice to finally talk to him. It was wierd though. The other guys I slept with or kissed didn't make me feel physically like he does; just being near him turns me on. We ended up making out and then doing other stuff.
So I woke up this morning and regreted it a little. Not talking to him or meeting him, but kissing and doing other stuff with him. But I told him and he said that was ok; we'd just be friends for now and see where it went. Oh yeah, and he told me that 3 months before I broke up with him, he put my dream wedding ring away and was making payments on it. That was a little crazy. See, I get wierd when relationships get serious; it scares me and I run away. Well, he has issues too, but doesn't everyone.
I dunno; just really confused right now. Plus there is a guy I sort of like; don't know if anything will ever come out about that. But that's another long story.
Time to go finish cleaning my apt; yay. Later~ | 
I don't wanna. But I have to because of my finanical problems. 
God she's beautiful
