How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You give and take equally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

This is what I do for fun. Other sins: watching My Super Sweet 16 and Laguna Beach on MTV. (The boys on Laguna Beach are pimperific, juggling at least 2 girls at a time. JERKS!) For someone who hates on rich kids, I watch wayyyyy too much of this shit. I'm more recently realizing how young I still am. I used to complain about feeling old, and that's mostly a product of not going out. I realize I'm probably very mature for my age, but at heart, I'm still definitely a 22 year old. No visions of having 2.3 kids or baking pies or paying a mortgage any time soon! I simply love having a good time out with friends, drinking, dancing, just laughing, no drama, no worries.

It's been a while since I've written in this thing, so you can probably guess that I have a big test coming up. I've finished ten weeks of medicine; two weeks more until my shelf. I'm totally screwed! Despite that, I'm honestly happier than I've probably been in a long time. I've learned so much and as I hoped, I'm much more able to see myself doing something in medicine - not joking, I really used to think I'd have to go to law school or something to find a career I'd be happy with. While I still have no idea what I want to do in medicine, I can definitely see myself as a doctor, EVENTUALLY. While I was on floors in the hospital, I felt useful. These days, I actually want to learn. I'm smiling more every day, less dependent on individuals and more confident in myself. I'm excited about making new friends with each rotation, appreciating the old ones with each passing day they're not around, and loving myself. I'm trying to exercise more (that started off well, but now Bally's is reveling in stealing my money), eat better/less (that's the most difficult thing for a fat fucker like me ), and being more mentally present (vs. absent) in whatever it is I'm doing, especially academically.

Don't get me wrong - I miss being a part of CYI, I miss talking to Jen (who's in China) because I can talk to her like no one else, I miss the few Sophie peeps I could be real with, and I really, really miss city life. I'm living in Port Jefferson right now, which is considerably different from good ole' Harlem. If you're ever around, let me know - company always welcome.

Wish me luck for my shelf + in-house exam! Afterwards, PARTY!!!

No music today � listening to the names of those lost on 9/11�rest in peace. Never forgotten.

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

If only I had followed my path...Ajita would be reading my books!

Listening to...whatever's playing at Starbucks (I don't know who this is.)

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So definitely in the wrong field. Perhaps if I fail my boards next week (rescheduled ONCE AGAIN for the 21st now), I can find a career that relates to grammar. Then again, an English teacher taught grammar at my high school and got fired for it. So really, my skills are quite useless.

Please pray for me. Studying is not going well.

Listening to Dashboard Confessional - The Sharp Hint of New Tears:

"You've been asking me to bleed, it seems these kinds of questions come to easy to you now..."

A quick blog because I’m not supposed to blog until the boards are over. But then again, I’m infamous for breaking the “rules” I set up for myself.

Graduation was this past Friday. It was something I didn’t even want to go to and only did because I wanted to have something to show my family with respect to why I’ve been so crazy these past five years. And ironically, I was bawling like a complete idiot. I wish to reiterate my sentiments that day: Damn you Sunil for that powerpoint presentation. You opened the floodgates! (just kidding – I still love you man.) Sharon even remarked something along the lines that of all people, it was pretty remarkable that I was crying. It’s made me think about how extremely bitter I’ve become over the past few years, because I would generally be all kinds of sentimental during times like these. No doubt that it has to do with the stress of Step 1 looming over me. Those of you who haven’t heard my bitching…I’m currently studying for the first ‘step’ of my licensing exam – it comes in three parts. If I don’t pass this, I’ve gotta sit on my ass and bang my head against the wall for a year before I can try again. That also means I miss a whole year of school because of my inherent stupidity. It’s a very scary possibility.

Anyway, between feeling the presentation (seriously, I felt it in my bones) and the realization that I must soon move on without the people I’ve shared 23% of my life with, I started to remember that it wasn’t all bad. There certainly was a lot of bad, probably more than we should have had to deal with, but there also were moments of pure joy interspersed. There were just some moments that maybe I’ve put in the back on my head …but when they came back, they were just as real as anything else. And soon I will burst into tears again, so I’m gonna stop now till after the 16^th. Or perhaps later, if I choose to reschedule my test yet again.

Several last notes:

1)      THHS 5^th year reunion is this Saturday. Ironically, I’ve been advertising, but depending on how ready I feel about the boards, I may not go. sigh. Let me know if you want details.

2)      I’ve been reading about prom on Anthony’s blog. I so totally wish I could go back to that time when my biggest worry was who my date would be. (Larry was my date…we were so not each other’s first choices, knowingly! And yet, I couldn’t have asked for a better date. I wouldn’t change that for anything.)

3)      I’ve been restless. I think a dramatic change is coming, whether it falls in my lap or I make it happen. For better or worse, we’ll see.

4)      please Please PLEASE pray for me! Or whatever rituals you may partake in. Just send good wishes my way! I need them for this test. Now I know what Cleto has always been asking about.

Listening to Chicago – If You Leave Me Now:

“If you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me…wooooooooooooo” 

Solving this jigsaw puzzle and posting about this sweepstakes for Big Red makes me eligible for free Xanga Premium for life.

::EDIT - Sorry for the advertising plug. But whatever.

Listening to Kelly Clarkson - Since You've Been Gone (I LOVE this song!!!):

"Since you've been gone, I can breathe for the first time....You had your chance, you blew it. Out of sight, out of mind. Shut your mouth, I just can't take it."