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| AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Is all I can say.
Waiting to hear back from the nursing school is nerve racking.
Having alex mad at me again and not talking to me AGAIN is frustrating as well. If you had a gf for over three years would you ignore them for 2 weeks for no reason? He has done that. This time he is mad at me for something but I don't know what it is so I have to sit here and wait for him to respond to me. Or we broke up and I don't even know it. Honestly, I don't need this. I shouldn't let one person be in control of me so much. I did this to myself. I let him say whatever he wants to me and do whatever he wants to me. If he doesn't want to talk to me or see me at all, Fine. I'll wait around and just jump whenever he says jump. I can't do that anymore but its hard.
I need to stop associating with assholes. You know who you are.
I have no motivation for school. Partly because the nursing school doesn't look at this semester but i think because I'm not stressing over stuff as much..I'm getting better grades. Well Kind of. I think I bombed my anatomy test today but the last 2 I did really good on. I still have to make up a test i missed for my interview and we have 2 more lab tests and 2 more lecture tests. So I think even if I bombed the test today I can make up for it. If I find a way to motivate myself.
I don't want to deal with school anymore, I don't want to deal with alex anymore, I don't want to deal with me anymore.
Last time I felt this way. I called up a certain person. And they helped alot. But I can't call them again. I just can't keep calling...
No one reads this anymore but my rambling on about stress seems to help a little. I hope no one reads this anymore.
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| Still have this xanga thing? So I'll write i guess.
Applied to the nursing school and got an interview. The interview went pretty good. I should hear back in march or april.
Other than that I'm just studying and stuff. I got really sick last weekend and missed work. I was on my death bed for 4 days. One of the worst colds I have ever had in my life. It was probably the flu then. Anyway I am pretty much all better.
I am extremely homesick. This is the longest I have been at school since i went to college. I can't wait to go home this weekend.
Alex is addicted to World of War craft. Because of this game, he does not call for weeks at a time. I last talked to him about a week ago. The last time I saw him was over 2 weeks ago and I won't see him for another 2 weeks. I dont know what to do.
Thats it.
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| So I remembered I had an xanga. So I thought I'd update a bit.
Sophomore year has gone pretty good. I'm home for winter break which is extremely long for some reason so I
am bored.
I got a new job way back after the deli incident at GHV in environmental services making twice as much.
I need to apply to the nursing program at Temple. I just have to write an Essay which i will start today.
Nothing has changed between alex and I. It's hell 95% of the time and heaven 5% of the time. For some reason
stick around for the 5% because I don't think I can find that with anyone else.
Nothing has changed with me except I picked up some more bad habits.
Bottom line is I want to get out of college as soon as possible. I had my heart broken too many times by a certain
guy I really like. and I know you will never read this so FUCK YOU! And if you do read this then you probably
know who you are. And no it's not alex.
I kind of want to go back to high school but Kind of don't. I kind of want to get out of college and be on my own
but kind of don't. I feel like I'm in limbo. I keep feeling like I don't exactly belong anywhere I go which is a really
weird feeling which should pass in less than 2 and a half years I hope.
So that's all there is to say.
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| Is it just me or should boyfriends want to see their girlfriends on a regular basis?
I have not TALKED to alex since last saturday. We are hanging out tomorrow after he plays soccer. God forbid he misses his soccer game with his friends. Not even one phone call this week. I know his job takes alot of time but c'mon. He needs to show a little more effort. All i asked this summer was for one phone call a week and one day a weekend for me. Is that too much.
He was the one who came back. He was the one who asked me to be his girlfriend after I just began to move on.
Sometimes, very few times I am happy. But Alot of the time I think i made the wrong choice. I fell apart the first time. I was so pathetic I couldn't even function. I can't do it again. I don't know what to do.
And on other things, I'm doing worse then usual, heading in a downward spiral. I feel very guilty.
I feel very guilty about alot of things.
It's just a bad time, I go through here and there. I get stressed and freak out. it should pass.
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| I cut myself on a slicer today at work. Cut right down my pinky finger and had to get stitches. I lost my hours for time and a half on monday which sucks cause i needed the money. I don't know when i can go back or what i can do but i really need to go back to work because I NEED MONEY. I am flat broke until i get out of college then I will have loans to pay. Hopefully by then I will have married a rich doctor! j/k Oh well hopefully my finger will heal up fine.
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