when people ask me if i ever had a b.f. i lied and say no. I talked about it with my sister only. she told me to think as if he was never there. . I really try as hard i can to not think about him. because he is my first after all. but you know how hard it is to see him everyday. I know its been 3 years already.  i always hide this to everyone. sometimes i wish i never met him, he's not a bad person but after all that time he treated me like a person that didnt matter at all. he may not have noticed the things he said , i would just laugh but really it hurted me and i always end up crying alone in the room. if i could count the amount of times he made me cry, i lost count. I almost was over him until valentines day that year,  he kept telling me things that made me wanted to hold on to that feeling. but you know what, the day after he always change his words. i fell for it so many times, because that time i really liked him and i wanted to believe in him. but he hurted me more and more. why did he treated me that way?, he treated me as if i had no feelings. I wanted to move on, but he kept telling me things . then after he would always say " i was just joking" did he think that it wouldnt hurt me. And our one secret that i never told people about, i couldnt say no to him. the only reason i did it was because it seems like that was the only reason he was talking to me for. now when he talks to me sometimes the things he say it makes me feel low. i dont know if he knows but it hurts a lot. i get so quiet around him, afraid he might say something that will hurt me. i just didnt know how to talk to him anymore. he probably will never read this. but why did he treated me that way?