| Guess Who's Back :)I guess I am going to start writing on this again, even if no one reads it...I know that putting sutff down is good for me, and writing it all free hand like I do can get old....I don't know what to write about, but I will start with updates on my life as a beginner. ** I leave springfield in 23 days, and I as I look at it all I am filled with disappointment. I came to this town with no friends, no connections, and only a pipe-dream that I would get the grades to somehow go to medical school. That wish, remorsefully, has been the only one to pan out....Here is what the deal is: I came here to play soccer, and that I did do for two years. To be honest, I found a lot of my teammates to be arrogant and spoiled assholes. I have held on to one of them, and for him I am grateful. On the wider view of my relationships in this town, I have had but one that holds any real segment of my remembrance. This is the town where I went backwards, where I realized once again that I can get women to like me much better, by simply acting like a completely opposite person. I binged on this tactiful sadness when I came here. I was the best at what I did, and what I did was to sell a brand, sold a different man, sold a falsehood. I have no illusions about this. I was the guy that everyone either hated or envied, without equivocation, without a lapse in my understanding of the smoke and mirrors that it was, even as it all happened. I will leave this town with no one, just as I came into it. This is my own doing, a self-fulfilled prophecy. Now that I have said that, I must add that I am in fact very hopeful of the future. The reasons for this are numerous, but chief amongst them is the difference in the person I am inside... I am not affraid anymore, not of pain or of closeness. That is the one thing I am leaving town with that counts, a new authenticity of myself and what I want. This is because for all of the shortfalls I did have in this town, I did meet someone that finally got to me...And this has made me a new man. On a less pie-in-sky front, I am looking forward to being in Florida for good. I try to prove everyday that I am the one for Jamie, that I will make good the fact that we're in the same town again after all these years. She knows all too well what I had become, and the fight to prove that I am anew is long and entirely worth it... Here is how I know that something is very different (yes, this story is kinda wierd)... A few weeks ago I was in a bar with some friends, watching a game. I met a girl named Kyra, or more accurately her and a few of her friends. A few minutes into the conversation, I caught myself doing what I was once very good at...adapting to what I could read out of Kyra, trying to find out what would be good thing to mention and what not to say. You can get mad if you want, but I've never met a guy that doesn't do this to some degree. Kyra was a sweet girl, a marketing major. She seemed very into British music, and to not have an opinion on a lot of things...Honestly, not what I would call my "keeper material". The caveat to this, of course, was that Kyra was stunningly beautiful. (if you don't want the truth, don't read my blog :) I had it all mapped out in my head : Ignore Kyra for at least ten minutes, and speak and make eye contact only with the girl to her right (VERY interesting person I would find out). This will make Kyra compete for my attention, and soon she was interjecting into our converation, dropping lines regarding how impressive she was. This sign, for those who don't know, is when it is game over normally...Make a woman that is that used to being worshipped compete for YOUR attention, and you have proven your value to her....I know right now you're saying "this is terrible"...please don't....it is human nature. This is when I caught myself. I thought "why do you need to be someone else to get Kyra to like you?" I know the answer to this is simple: because women like Kyra do not like men like me. Period. Don't b.s. me and say "women aren't like that", because I have about two hundred phone numbers that would tell you you're wrong....After thinking this, I abruptly switched to being myself, sitting at a table with four women that were loving my fabrication of the alpha-male. The difference was immediate: I starting questioning Kyra's opinions on her musical preferences, once comparing her favorite band to Elvis, who stole other people's music and pawned it as his own. I became more sarcastic, and even told them what I was actually going to school for. (don't be a rookie, saying you're a pre-med intimidates most women, many of them want someone to relate to, not look up to. "International business" was my best seller, and always brought up the "so do you know any other languages?"...I think you see where I'm going with this. Long story short, an hour later, Kyra thought I was nice but wasn't attracted to me (there's a huge difference), and I left with the other girl's number (as friends only, we chatted about her boyfriend for a half-hour). This past Friday the two of them came climbing with me:) I am proud of what I did that night. Sorry if this one was a little too much info, but you have to understand where I came from...and thank you to those of you that brought me back :) |
