HOLY SHIT!

I am posting on XANGA again? hmm... weird!.  I wonder if anyone I know will even read this! Xanga is so dead it almost feels like when you go back to a house you used to live in...but it's all abandoned and no one's there but everything looks the same...Thats how XANGA feels! fuckin A! Well if you read this! leave a comment so maybe I know if there is a hope of restoring the Validity of this site! Damn! Peace out....xangans

TJ

What has been happening with me? REVEALED

Well for those who are wondering where I am was and will be!...I have been back in yukon for bout a week or so stayin with Randy...I'm most likely gonna stay with Ashlee in  her apartment and get my ass on my feet...I'm done with drugs...I'm not talking about Marijuana...although I will now only smoke pot when it has no chance of effecting my job status...it never has affected my work but I dont want to take the chance any longer...I have something going for me in the music I've been making in Stillwater and I'm ready to start hustling my way up to the top...it starts this week..no bullshit...no games...I'm done fucking around...fucking up my life...nothing can change the past I need to realize this before I change my future for the worst! I am OKAY and I'm still good ol Terry! Ironically more people have been trying to get a hold of me since I supposedly vanished and so a number of you have talked to my mother or stepdad who haven't known where I have been...I know this worried some of ya'll and I'm sorry! Oddly enough all of you calling has almost definitely made my mom worry in the realization that not even my friends knew where I was...My stepdad told me I had to move out in two weeks...so I left that very night..The first time I left was for a similar situation...I didn't contact my mom because she lets my stepdad tell me how it is while she says nothing...so I don't even know if she agrees with him or not because she doesnt speak and its okay if she does agree but its not fair to let me get scolded by someone who is not my blood...if I need to move out I want to hear it from my mom...just like last year asked to borrow money for my ACT from my mom...but my stepdad said no and that was the end of it...then my mom has everybody try to track me down...for what? so she can run me off again...I love my mom AND my stepdad with all my heart...I really do I love all of my family...but I refuse to get so much blame and grief...my mom tells me when I'm doing wrong...but she doesnt tell me how to fix it...she looks at all my mistakes...and a parent should...but she takes no credit for her own...Nobody's perfect and I know my mom went through hell trying to raise us ...and she deserves a lot...and if ever I can give her everything she wants I will! but for now...my family is discouraging and I need my own time...thats all for now

TJ

FUCK life...you know?

And fuck the world...I have spent my whole life caring about people...trying to be a good person and focus on the things that truly matter towards happiness...and the world constantly shits on me...I try and try and try...and nothing...all I want to do in my life is what I know best...music...teach people how to love...how to live life in a way that they can enjoy without the expense of others...but I look around me as I have absolutely nothing...but no matter how hard I try to get something...I seem to end up with less...I have talent...I have a will to work...I scored a 24 on my ACT...I graduated High school...AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! and no one can help me...ITS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO GET A JOB YOU CAN ACTUALLY SURVIVE ON...your friends look down on you because you didnt have the parent who prepared for you and put you through college bought you a brand new car and still pays for your food and clothes and rent even though your twenty...THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS...and I still...have nothing...All I really need is a job that pays enough to survive and I have the leveridge I need to do everything I want with my life...and right now that seems like the hardest goal to reach...there shouldnt be minimum wage..there should be a law that says if you have a job...you have a guaranteed roof over your head and meal in your body...right? this is why one man wasnt made to rule...aside from all this...what the fuck am I gonna do? I slacked off in high school but not to the extent that I should be going through what I am...I got through it...at no benefit...CAN ANYONE HELP ME?...what do you do when you have no family? no money? no car? and everyone you know as their life mapped out for them...Life's not fair? thats an understatement....life is brutal...but its fucked up when you don't have the normal backbones of life to hold you up...My parents never guided me...just fed me...When I got my clothes jacked from me a few weeks ago I was telling My friend Jon Mayhan about it and he said something funny...he said "well at least that gives you an excuse to buy a bunch of new clothes..."...yea jon? not the way I was raised...