I'm not sure if I want to post pictures of Raine, unless of course I go protected posting.  But that's such a hassle.  I just want to protect her from the dangers of the internet, once pictures are on the net they are out of your control.  But I do want you guys to see her, you have supported me so much.  And she's beautiful.  If I get enough people that want to be on my protected posting list then I shall do that.

Her hair is longer than normal baby's.  It's so dark and thick and soft, long enough to brush but not long enough to do anything else with yet.  I can't wait to do cute hairstyles on her....aw that will be fun.

Sam and I have our own house, but it's only got 2 bedrooms and one bathroom, it's quite small and crowded just with the three of us.  Raine sleeps in our room, but soon she will be in her own.  And one day we hope to extend our family.  We found this beautiful old country style house, it has 4 bedrooms and an outdoor swimming pool!  I'm in love with it.  It has a small fenced paddock just behind the pool and it would be perfect for a few chickens or something for the kids to have as pets.  I know we can afford it but we have other things to spend our money on.  I think we need this house though.  Sam also has this dream of moving our family to Australia, that's where he's from (we live in New Zealand now).  So I'm scared we'll get this beautiful house and be settled down then he decides he wants to leave.  I promised we would go back one day, some of his family haven't even met Raine yet.  He really wants to live there again, and so do I.  So I'm thinking maybe we should go there now, there will always be another house.  I don't know. 

Eek, my life sounds so boring now!  Babies and houses.   

Last night was the first time I've gone out without Raine since she was conceived.  The only person I've left her with for more than an hour is her father.  But last night, my twin sister decided I needed to go out with my friends and Sam, and get drunk.  We went out.  We got drunk.  It was fun.  I worried about Raine alot - she was all I could think about, but my sister is the most reliable and responsible person I know.  I trust her, and it was only for one night.  Then she rang me and I could hear Raine screaming in the back.  She asked me why she wouldn't stop crying, I told her to change her, or feed her.  Hug her.  Anything.  But I knew it was only because I wasn't there, my baby needed me.  I felt so guilty.  I collapsed to the ground and cried, I wanted to be sober.  I wanted to be home.  Sam understood and immediately took me home.  I'm a bad mother and fiance.  Argh, I feel so awful.  Sam is so good to me, and Raine stopped crying as soon as I kissed her cheek.  My sister did such a good job and was so thoughtful. I ruin everything. 

This is the first time I have doubted myself. 

I got my friend to fix the computer.  Apparently nothing was wrong with it, we just didn't set it up right haha...yeah, that sounds like me.  So I can update everyday now!  Still haven't gotten round to putting pics on here though, sorry.  Sucks - I really want you guys to see my little Raine.

It's 3:40am.  I just fed Raine, she's sound asleep now...finally.  So I'm taking the opportunity to come on here before she wakes again.  What goes in must come out so she'll be crying soon.  About once a week she has a night where she won't sleep at all, she's really restless and cries and screams alot, that's normal for babies but only on one night it's really really bad, it's kind of like a pattern for her and Sam and I take turns of staying up with her on those nights.  Tonight is that night.  Usually I stay up with her though anyway, seeing as I have breasts which she seems to like. 

I'll update tomorrow, I'm so tired.      

I'm a mummy!

My baby is almost 3 months old now!  I'm sorry I haven't been on, our computer has been down again and we're saving up for other things.  I'm at my mum's house now.  Also I promise pictures soon.

Labour went really smoothly, it took 8 hours and she was born at 2:34am.  I had my twin sister and my fiance (Sam) in the room with me and they were so supportive.  Sam cried more than me!  So she's healthy and that was all I was worried about because I wasn't long recovered from Anorexia when I got pregnant.  We named her Raine, we like different names and we fell in love with it.  We had a few names picked out but that one was definitely her. 

Sam and I want to get married soon, but we don't really have enough money even though our parents have offered to pay.  We like to be independant though.  Now we think we might wait til Raine is about 4 years old and she can be the flower girl. 

Everything is perfect.

I'm the happiest I've ever been.  Raine has changed my life, she's so beautiful and I could talk about her forever!  I'll update next time I'm here, should be in a couple of weeks. 

I miss you guys!

My computer's been down!  It sucked.  I really wanted to go on here and post, and I'm 8 months along now so I've been really excited and I wanted to share it with you guys.  Anyway, at least it's fixed now : )

So from what we know, my baby girl is healthy!  I'm so lucky to have her.  I've loved pregnancy so much.  I'm one of those lucky ones that didn't get much morning sickness, although she sits on my bladder alot and so I'm always rushing to the toilet.  I'm not really sure if you guys want to hear about that stuff? lol  She kicks alot too, but it doesnt hurt it feels like a flutter.  And I'm going to save my money for a digital camera one day.  At the moment Sam and I are spending our money on baby clothes and furniture, and of course - diapers.  We've also been going to prenatal classes.  They are actually really fun.  We're the youngest couple there, but everyone is so supportive!  Instead of talking about fashion, we talk about 'fat' clothes.  It's pretty funny.  And I've learnt how to breathe when the time comes, but Sam and I always crack up and I have to stop so I probably won't know what to do.  And... I've decided to have my baby in a bath at the hospital (I can't remember what they're really called).  That way it won't be such of a shock for her - apparently it's easier too.

I can't explain how in love I am with this baby.