THIN_speration's Xanga

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 02:21:00 GMT

I'm not sure if I want to post pictures of Raine, unless of course I go protected posting. But that's such a hassle. I just want to protect her from the dangers of the internet, once pictures are on the net they are out of your control. But I do want you guys to see her, you have supported me so much. And she's beautiful. If I get enough people that want to be on my protected posting list then I shall do that.

Her hair is longer than normal baby's. It's so dark and thick and soft, long enough to brush but not long enough to do anything else with yet. I can't wait to do cute hairstyles on her....aw that will be fun.

Sam and I have our own house, but it's only got 2 bedrooms and one bathroom, it's quite small and crowded just with the three of us. Raine sleeps in our room, but soon she will be in her own. And one day we hope to extend our family. We found this beautiful old country style house, it has 4 bedrooms and an outdoor swimming pool! I'm in love with it. It has a small fenced paddock just behind the pool and it would be perfect for a few chickens or something for the kids to have as pets. I know we can afford it but we have other things to spend our money on. I think we need this house though. Sam also has this dream of moving our family to Australia, that's where he's from (we live in New Zealand now). So I'm scared we'll get this beautiful house and be settled down then he decides he wants to leave. I promised we would go back one day, some of his family haven't even met Raine yet. He really wants to live there again, and so do I. So I'm thinking maybe we should go there now, there will always be another house. I don't know.

Eek, my life sounds so boring now! Babies and houses.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 08:08:04 GMT

Last night was the first time I've gone out without Raine since she was conceived. The only person I've left her with for more than an hour is her father. But last night, my twin sister decided I needed to go out with my friends and Sam, and get drunk. We went out. We got drunk. It was fun. I worried about Raine alot - she was all I could think about, but my sister is the most reliable and responsible person I know. I trust her, and it was only for one night. Then she rang me and I could hear Raine screaming in the back. She asked me why she wouldn't stop crying, I told her to change her, or feed her. Hug her. Anything. But I knew it was only because I wasn't there, my baby needed me. I felt so guilty. I collapsed to the ground and cried, I wanted to be sober. I wanted to be home. Sam understood and immediately took me home. I'm a bad mother and fiance. Argh, I feel so awful. Sam is so good to me, and Raine stopped crying as soon as I kissed her cheek. My sister did such a good job and was so thoughtful. I ruin everything.

This is the first time I have doubted myself.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 15:49:28 GMT

I got my friend to fix the computer. Apparently nothing was wrong with it, we just didn't set it up right haha...yeah, that sounds like me. So I can update everyday now! Still haven't gotten round to putting pics on here though, sorry. Sucks - I really want you guys to see my little Raine.

It's 3:40am. I just fed Raine, she's sound asleep now...finally. So I'm taking the opportunity to come on here before she wakes again. What goes in must come out so she'll be crying soon. About once a week she has a night where she won't sleep at all, she's really restless and cries and screams alot, that's normal for babies but only on one night it's really really bad, it's kind of like a pattern for her and Sam and I take turns of staying up with her on those nights. Tonight is that night. Usually I stay up with her though anyway, seeing as I have breasts which she seems to like.

I'll update tomorrow, I'm so tired.

I'm a mummy!

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 07:51:05 GMT

My baby is almost 3 months old now! I'm sorry I haven't been on, our computer has been down again and we're saving up for other things. I'm at my mum's house now. Also I promise pictures soon.

Labour went really smoothly, it took 8 hours and she was born at 2:34am. I had my twin sister and my fiance (Sam) in the room with me and they were so supportive. Sam cried more than me! So she's healthy and that was all I was worried about because I wasn't long recovered from Anorexia when I got pregnant. We named her Raine, we like different names and we fell in love with it. We had a few names picked out but that one was definitely her.

Sam and I want to get married soon, but we don't really have enough money even though our parents have offered to pay. We like to be independant though. Now we think we might wait til Raine is about 4 years old and she can be the flower girl.

Everything is perfect.

I'm the happiest I've ever been. Raine has changed my life, she's so beautiful and I could talk about her forever! I'll update next time I'm here, should be in a couple of weeks.

I miss you guys!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Sat, 13 May 2006 12:03:51 GMT

My computer's been down! It sucked. I really wanted to go on here and post, and I'm 8 months along now so I've been really excited and I wanted to share it with you guys. Anyway, at least it's fixed now : )

So from what we know, my baby girl is healthy! I'm so lucky to have her. I've loved pregnancy so much. I'm one of those lucky ones that didn't get much morning sickness, although she sits on my bladder alot and so I'm always rushing to the toilet. I'm not really sure if you guys want to hear about that stuff? lol She kicks alot too, but it doesnt hurt it feels like a flutter. And I'm going to save my money for a digital camera one day. At the moment Sam and I are spending our money on baby clothes and furniture, and of course - diapers. We've also been going to prenatal classes. They are actually really fun. We're the youngest couple there, but everyone is so supportive! Instead of talking about fashion, we talk about 'fat' clothes. It's pretty funny. And I've learnt how to breathe when the time comes, but Sam and I always crack up and I have to stop so I probably won't know what to do. And... I've decided to have my baby in a bath at the hospital (I can't remember what they're really called). That way it won't be such of a shock for her - apparently it's easier too.

I can't explain how in love I am with this baby.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 05:15:16 GMT

Wow I haven't been on here in a long time. The truth is, I never learn from my mistakes. If anyone can remember I got pregnant a while ago. A long while ago. But sadly I lost my baby, all because of Anorexia. I was very unhealthy.

Now I can truthfully say that although i have days when i want to cry, so does everyone... but I'm mostly happy with myself and I eat whatever I want.

My boyfriend is now my fiance. We live in our own house. And I'm pregnant again. 6 months, actually. She's a girl, but we still haven't thought of a name. I'm 16. He's 18. We're young. Very young

But it's happening. And we can't go back. So it doesn't mater how much you think we are ruining our lives, and our baby's... it's OUR choice.

So if you'd like to complain, don't bother. I'm going to do private posts now. If you want to be added then just ask.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 07:35:22 GMT

What have you done... BE TRUTHFUL!

1. smoked a cigarette - Yes.

2. smoked a cigar - no

3. crashed a friend's car - haha yes!

4. stolen a car - ...yes.

5. been in love - I am now <3

6. been dumped - no

7. done a shot - yes

8. been fired - no

9. been in a fist fight - lol funny shit

10. had sex - yeeeah

11. had feelings for someone who didnt have them back - Yes. I hate unrequited love

12. been arrested - once or twice.

13. kissed a stranger - mmmm

14. gone on a blind date - no

15. lied to a friend - nope

16. had a crush on a teacher - HELL NO

17. skipped school - yeeeaahh

18. seen someone die - yea

19. been on a plane - yeah

20. thrown up in a bar - yessssss

21. done hard drugs - LOL ...

22. miss someone right now - aww yeah.

23. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yes sir

24. made a snow angel - yes.

25. played dress up - YEAH! NINJA PRINCESS!

26. cheated while playing a game - yes!

27. been lonely - yeah

28. fallen asleep at work/school - omg yes

29. used a fake id - no

30. felt an earthquake - no

31. touched a snake - no

32. ran a red light - once

33. had detention - yeah

34. been in a car accident - A few.

35. hated the way you look - Yes

36. witnessed a crime - Yes

37. been lost - yessum

38. been to the opposite side of the country - no

39. felt like dying - yes

40. cried yourself to sleep - yes

41. played cops and robbers - man that shit was fun

42. kareoke - oh yes

43. done something you told yourself you wouldn't - soo many times

44. laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose - lmfao yes

45. caught a snowflake on your tongue - Yep

46. kissed in the rain - haha...yeah i did

47. sang in the shower - damn, everyday.

48. kissed in a park - almost everyday

49. had a dream that you married someone - YEAH!!

50. glued your hand to something - haha Yeah..

51. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no. Who licks that shit anyway?

52. worn the opposite sex's clothes - I wear sams shirts all the time. shut up...hes rich so he can afford band t-shirts.

53. been a cheerleader - NO.

54. sat on a roof top - Yes

55. talked on the phone all night - Yes

56. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone - ....yees

57. played chicken fight - what?!.

58. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - lol yeah

59. been told you're hot by a complete stranger - yes

60. broken a bone - no.

61. had a 3-some? - haha yes

62. laugh so hard you cry - yeah all the time

63. mooned/flashed someone - ...mah boobies

64. cheated on a test - yes

65. forgotten someone's name - Not very often

66. been kicked out of your house - yeah

67. blacked out from drinking - yes

68. played a prank on someone - yeeesssss

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 07:07:23 GMT

You people are so silly sometimes, and it makes me want you more. Scared? Me too.

Yes, there is a stalker code. Do you really think I'd lie to you guys? You are the only people I can trust with my secrets. Okay, now that's all clear and all that jazz... I will give you the stalker code but you HAVE to go to my best friends xanga (Her name is Ashleigh too!) and you have to comment: that_hysteric_girl. She's cute, really she is.

Copy and paste this into your Web Stats on the Look & feel thingy...and if it doesn't work then don't blame it on me. If you need help, ask me:

var show = true;
var title = "My Stalkers";
var before = "My Blogrings";
var sortby = "date";
var order = "desc";
var limit = 0;

/* Don't change anything beyond this point, unless you know
what you're doing (not that you would pay any attention
to this warning if you do know what you're doing) */

function getElement(id) {
if(document.all) {
return document.all[id];
} else {
return document.getElementById(id);
}
}

function getUser() {
var user = '';
for (var i=0; i<document.links.length; i++) {
    if (document.links[i].href.substring(0,38) ==
        "http://www.xanga.com/private/home.aspx") {
      var link = document.links[i];
      if (link.innerText) {
        user = link.innerText;
      } else if (link.text) {
        user = link.text;
      }
      break;
    }
}
return user;
}

var tagname = 'script';

function getOwner() {
var url = document.URL;
var b = url.indexOf("?user=");
if (b==-1)
    b = url.indexOf("&user=");
if (b==-1)
    return getUser();
b += 6;
var e = url.indexOf("&", b);
if (e==-1)
    e = url.length;
return url.substring(b, e);
}
</script>

if (show) {
var el1 = document.createElement(tagname);
el1.src =
    "http://suhock.net/xanga/logs/stalkers.js.php?" +
      "u=" + escape(getOwner()) + "&" +
      "title=" + escape(title) + "&" +
      "before=" + escape(before) + "&" +
      "sortby=" + escape(sortby) + "&" +
      "order=" + escape(order) + "&" +
      "limit=" + escape(limit);
getElement('xasm_mod').appendChild(el1);
}
</script>

Ash<333

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 01:22:39 GMT

I have a code in my xanga that lets me see who goes on my site and doesnt comment. Its like a stalker code. So if you dont comment then get ready TO DIE BITCHES!!! Um no. But I've had the stalker code for like 5 minutes and theres already someone (you know who you are) that keeps coming onto my site.

I don't care if you don't comment. Although I do love it when you do.... but stop being creepy, guys, c'mon.

I see ALL. I'm watching you *evil laugh*

...

So yeah. I weigh 40kg. I'm going to stay at this weight...for a while.

Sam and I are so happy now. We brought a house (no shit). Well, it's actually a house behind our mate Candy's house. She owns it, we trash it. She's 20 and shes like my mum, I couldn't live without that girl.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 08:09:08 GMT

Ah, such a long time since I've posted. Yet, nothing has happened. Not really. I've just been spending alot of time with my beautiful Sam. But...although I haven't posted in forever, I promise I've still been visiting your xanga's.

I've had alot of time to think. And that is exactly what I've been doing. Although it's depressing, reality has smashed me in the face and made me realise I need to move on. I hadn't been eating properly for months before I got pregnant, Stella didn't stand a chance. And I know that I TRIED my best, what more could I have done? She was unplanned. If she wasn't, then I would have definitely did things differently. But she was unexpected. I was not ready to be a mother anyway. Altough I'm not over it, I'm slowly learning to forgive myself.

Oh, and I've moved in with Sam now. He lives with his mum but she's hardly ever home so it feels like we own the place. Because we're cool like that.

I'll post about shit you actually care about tomorrow...maybe.

Ash<333

PS - I'm in a rather colourful mood...on the inside. I think it's called...happy? Correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm also very funny, as you can see *cough*