SO THE DOCTORS FROM WALTER REED FINALLY FLEW TO NC TO SEE ANNIE AND WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY WAS DEVASTATING...
THEY SAID THEY THINK SHE HAS CYSTIC FIBROSIS....I COULDN'T BREATH FOR A SECOND...I JUST FELT LIKE I HAD BEEN HIT BY A SEMI. I WANTED TO CRY BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK WEAK TO THE DR WHO WAS ALREADY BEING AN ASS TO ME. I WANTED TO KICK HIM IN THE BALLS FOR COUNTLESS REASONS, AND I WANTED TO RUN....ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I HAD BEEN TOLD THEY MIGHT HAVE TO DO SURGERY ON HER, SO THAT IS WHAT I WAS EXPECTING TO HEAR, BUT CF? I MEAN I THOUGHT THAT WAS ALL LUNG ISSUES, I HAD NEVER HEARD OF CF KIDS HAVING MAJOR GI PROBLEMS...I'M SO SICK RIGHT NOW THINKING ABOUT ALL THIS, I HOPE THEY ARE WRONG. I'M JUST A BROKEN PERSON RIGHT NOW. I WAS IN TOTAL DISBELIEF AND I THOUGHT MAYBE THIS DR WAS JUST AN IDIOT SO I CALLED OUR OLD PEDIATRICIAN WHO I WOULD TRUST MY WHOLE LIFE WITH AND HE SAID THAT THE DR SOUNDS RIGHT. HE EXPLAINED A LOT TO ME AND I KEPT MY COOL, AND DIDN'T HAVE A MELT DOWN BECAUSE CHRISTIAN WAS RIGHT THERE. NOW AS MUCH AS I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT MAYBE 2 DOCTORS ARE COMPLETE FOOLS, I WOULDN'T TRUST ANYONE ELSE WITH MY CHILDREN THE WAY I TRUST OUR OLD PED. HE GETS COPIES OF ALL OF ANNIE'S AND CHRISTIAN'S BLOOD WORK, AND KEEPS UP WITH HIM FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE USA. HE IS A FRIEND AND I CONSIDER HIM PART OF OUR FAMILY. HE IS RARELY WRONG, AND SO WHILE I CALLED HIM TO GET RELIEF AND SOMEONE TO AGREE THAT THE GI WAS TOTALLY OFF I WOUND UP A MILLION TIMES MORE CONCERNED.
THEY DID SOME SERIOUSLY PAINFUL THINGS TO ANNIE TODAY THAT WE HAVE TO CONTINUE TO DO FOR THE NEXT WEEK AND IF SHE STILL ISN'T GOING TO THE BATHROOM ON HER OWN THEY ARE FLYING HER BACK UP TO WALTER REED, IN WASHINGTON DC. THERE THEY WILL PERFORM ALL SORTS OF TESTS AND POSSIBLY SURGERY....I PRAY IT DOESN'T COME TO THIS. WE DID GET A COUPLE FOR SURE DIAGNOSIS' TODAY SO THAT AT LEAST GAVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH. RATHER THAN JUST WONDERING WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE HER.
I'M STILL FRUSTRATED AND SCARED AND I'M TRYING NOT TO GET DEPRESSED, BUT THIS IS OVERWHELMING. AFTER CHRISTIAN SPENDING YEARS IN THE HOSPITALS I'M JUST TIRED. I WANT A BREAK FROM ALL OF THIS, I WANT MY KIDS TO BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY AND STOP LIVING AT ONE HOSPITAL OR ANOTHER. I'M TIRED OF DOCTORS AND ALL THAT COME WITH IT...I'M JUST TIRED...I JUST WANT TO SIT AND CRY AND YET I CAN'T BECAUSE I HAVE TWO KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF AND A HUSBAND WHO IS NEVER HERE.
PLEASE PRAY FOR US...ALL OF US..