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T_r_e_e
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State: California
Birthday: 9/26/1978
Gender: Female
Interests: If you're really listening,
if you're awake to the poignant beauty of the world,
your heart breaks regularly.
In fact, your heart is made to break;
its purpose is to burst open again and again
so that it can hold ever-more wonders.
~~Andrew Harvey~~
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
11/10/2005
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| I think the Bad Guides came in with the medication.
I vaguely remember their voices,
Their faces taunting me with words of condemnation.
You say they were misguided and I would
Know when they left.
Well, I know when they came…
And that’s a start.
We plant seeds inside of each other
And cherish these beginnings like a
Newborn, wailing at night for comfort and attention.
We clap for the laughter and find cures
For distress… we were trained by the best,
weren’t we?
I stopped writing songs when I was twenty-one;
That must be the time of their departure
For I could not find a reason or purpose.
Sure their presence was not helpful in life but they
Gave me lyrics and music and then they just left
Me undone.
So I made myself back up – no need to fall apart.
I created a self-sufficient, strong, educated, successful
Woman who is crying out for someone to say,
“You don’t have to do it all alone anymore.”
But don’t tell… because that’s one of my biggest secrets:
Independence. What a joke…
We are created to be together… sharing, giving, holding,
Touching, kissing, loving, guiding, following, merging…
And my spirit knows nothing more than the desire to be
Connected again.
Thank you for reaching out to me.
Thank you for speaking over me.
Thank you for creating space for me.
Thank you for learning to cling to me.
Thank you for being conceived
Today.
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| He
She
Them
They
and Me...
Someone's presence hurts me.
She makes it known that I don't exist to her.
Sarah says she wears a coat of insecurity
and doesn't try to hide it.
I say she hurts me. Every look and pretended
un-look determined to shake me.
Have you ever peeled back the outer layers of
Brussel sprouts? The outsides are ugly and dirty,
especially if they're the cherished organic kinds
from a local farmer.
Underneath are beautiful little rapollitos or
mini-cabbages, beautiful, healthy, and wonderful...
But that first layer?
Ugh.
She talks to him about me.
She says words that defend and protect me,
But there is this whole idea of being talked about
To begin with, that kind of stings.
He is torn. I see it in his face.
Maybe there is guilt in some way or sense...
Maybe he feels guilty for her pain
But I do too!
Unfortunately she turns to him for attention
And receives it,
While continuing to make sure that I am unknown to her
Anymore.
And this will continue as long as we all
Live together here in our little world,
Our little community.
Every time I open this refrigerator door,
The light will come on.
I don't exist to you anymore.
I don't matter.
I have been dismissed...
He has not...
Because she likes how she feels around him.
And he would never turn anyone away.
It's a demonstration and my face is on
The signs of the picketers.
I'm not flattered.
Where is my sanity? My salvation?
Love.
I survive because I love... even when unloved.
I look at her face and see the stars
That have burned out by now.
I look in his eyes and see the pain of child's needs
Gone unmet.
I look at them and see wounds that
Need to be treated.
The collective "they" gather around and I have to
Set aside my ego so I can treat each with the love
of Christ.
His burden is easy.
His yolk is light.
So I must be carrying something else,
If I feel so heavy now....
May peace and love and grace and mercy
Fall on us,
Fall on us...
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You have let me go
Sometimes that’s what has to be done
You refer to me as someone other than
Who I was to you
And I refer to you as all that you were
And could have still been.
And you… you are detaching yourself from me
After all your professions and confessions
Have fallen like dead leaves around my soul;
I feel nothing anymore,
But oh, how it aches anyway.
Goodbyes happen all around us
And there are moments when we know,
“This is temporary”
But usually, we recognize this is the only
Forever I have ever known and you were the only
You I’ll ever hold like this…
Until your lifeless being lifts out of my arms
And drifts away.
I remember when I swam in the ocean
In November.
It was so cold.
My lips turned purple.
He said, “You should get out now”
But I was busy screaming over the sea lion
Who scared me when he swam up beside me
And I laughed so hard, I couldn’t breathe.
“We’ll get warm with the sun on our stomachs,”
he said. We pulled our shirts up and laid in the sand,
bearing our skin to the winter sun, praying for warmth
and I felt it like a child in my womb burning,
yearning for something to light on fire.
She said, “You’ve always been an angel
Since the day I met you” and then I flew away.
When you live on this side of the world
You can’t even answer the phone. It’s ringing.
You hear it with ethereal ears and you just smile sadly…
We don’t live here anymore.
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| 
I'm new to the world of chickens.
It's only been two months.
All three of them, each with their own personalities and identities...
"Oh" was my favorite.
I know you shouldn't have favorites.
But she was.
And now she's gone.
It's been a long seven days, holding her in my arms,
feeding her, squirting water into her mouth, begging her to live,
to get better....
But this morning, she gave up. She left me.
In my arms, she just looked at me and shook her head.
She didn't want food. She didn't want water.
And then she just died.
I don't think people get it.
Animals have souls too... and her soul was so intertwined with mine...
I feel like no one could understand...
But it's not the first time.
And so I just cry.
And mourn my beautiful "oh"....
Thank you for being in my life.... for such a short time.
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Are you finished playing games yet?
Do you think you are the only one who knows how
Or notices now
That players are shifting places?
Perhaps I orchestrated the entire scene you’re living in
And you only think you’re in control.
Maybe your game is a subset of mine and only I have the
Secret code; you may never know
Because you’re too busy playing.
Ask the questions.
Tour the labyrinth.
Set your scene to unfold
On either side of the coast.
The country waits and I am standing
Arms folded, foot tapping.
Tell me something I haven’t heard yet
Or are you speechless because you
Aren’t quite one step ahead of me this time?
It may be all in my imagination,
Your sudden kindness and flattering way,
But when you’ve been deceived you don’t take kindly to
Even imagining it could happen again.
For once I am not screaming, writhing, throwing
Things across my victim-room…
I’ve set a new stage for this act.
Welcome, you are here for the opening night.
Wings of angels
White eagles
Wrap around me strong.
If I’ve been wronged
They will protect me, lift me
High into this night.
We could just fly, you know…
You know! And yet you stand
Hands in your pockets shuffling around
As if there’s some kind of equation you must
Calculate,
But statistics were never your strength.
I know what I want.
She told me confidently, I echoed weakly,
But she persists. I know what I want.
I guess I do, but no that won’t do at all.
I know what I WANT!
And maybe I’m getting there, it might be
Around this corner; no, my sister, say it loud,
I KNOW WHAT I WANT!!!
There.
It is finished.
I will never settle for anything less.
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