I was driving home from work yesterday when I realized that this, right now, is the happiest I have been in my entire life. I love my life. It's so amazing to know and feel that. Everything in my life is centered and solid and I feel so alive it's overbearing. But I know there are challenges ahead and I hope I can take them and grow. Lakeville is going to be an entirely new experience for me... and I have met so many amazing people at Eagan that it's hard for me to let that part of myself go. I know I will maintain relationships but I am afraid of what is yet to come. And school is starting over, which has always caused some nervousness and heartache... but I am so different than I was my freshman year and remembering that awakens me.

I'm attempting to go off of my medication within the next 4 months as well and while that frightens me, I know it will test me and I am finally ready for that. I feel like the medicine does not affect me although I feel like this plastic exterior could be truly because of those pills. I know this is who I am, I know I am a truly happy and exuberant person.... I just am afraid my conditions will ruin me again. But I will fight... and failing is not an option....

And then there is him again... the love of my life. He finally said forever and I know that's how we will be. I could not fall more madly in love with someone, someone who was there even when I was not. I never realized what he went through those first few months we were together, and I think anyone else would have ran, but he stayed and that makes me forever grateful. He's so beautiful and amazing. I wish I could express myself to him... I wish I could tell him how I feel... but there aren't words for those overwhelming feelings. He is the man I will marry and knowing that only strengthens us