Currently Listening Division By 10 Years 11 AM Daydreamer see related

It has been a long while since I updated this thingy. Man, so much to update about.

For starters, I am at work, chillin, waiting for customers to come and keep me busy. Yeah so I am getting another raise. My boss says I am going up to 8 dollars and hour. (This is at the Post Office). I am kind of upset because my performance at work has gone down hill from what it used to be. Am I getting lazy? Is it because I am working 2 jobs? Is it because of relationship problems? God knows what the hell is wrong with me.

Family life is going well, though I havent been home enough to see what the hell is going on. I dont know my sister like I used to. My mom prolly goes out more than I do and my brother is always doing something. I do miss my brother, and crystal of course, but yeah...thats the sitch with them.

Other than work, Mandi and Stevie, I dont have much of a life. Not much time to sit and write or journal or just wind down from the days. Maybe thats why I am losing more sleep.

I found this the hardest. Balancing friendship with love. The books I have read made me think about all of these things. It showed the characters living almost a double life to keep things in check. I dont want that. I will not be forced to choose. I have found both and I am not afraid to say that I love a man called Stevie. I am not afraid to say that my best friend is a girl called Mandi. I dont care if people find out about me. (I mean, its my business so I wont tell everyone but if it comes up, I wont be afraid) I wish, I've dreamed that all of these things in my life could balance. In time they will, but I know that, right now, it isnt wise to force these things. The things is, I dont want to live a double life. If people really care for me, dont make me go through that. It was hard enough basically living a double life in high school.

The books also made me think about what it means to be gay. What does it mean? Does it mean I have to dress all frou-frou and skip around in tight clothing and shop at Abercrombie? Hell, if it means that then I am out of that life. I want to make a "gay" life the way I want it. I want to live the way I want to. I want to be able dance as girly as I want yet play football and sports. I am no less of a man than I was.

I do notice the change though.

I am more apt now to do more girly things, talk about men openly, or even care what people think about me. I was never that way. I have always been "Korey" up until now. I like how my embarassment gene was outcasted in high school. I liked how I only cared what the important people in my life cared about me. I liked how I walked my own path.

I wont give up Stevie. There's hope in everything we do. I love you. You love me. It will last. Let us defy gravity as you put it. It requires effort on both parts.

Here's my song about what I dont want to be.

"Day Dreamer"

I can't seem to change you or open up your eyes
So go on and sing your sad, sad song.
I don't even blame you the routine is nice.
Nine to five and a suit and tie.
Fear of failure a comfort zone is killed.

Brace your self and give into the moment.
I've got nothing to lose.
So what is your excuse?
Save yourself's your dying in slow motion.
You got nothing to lose.
So what's your excuse?

Life can't seem to teach you the safe caught is right.
So stray from the fight.
Don't you realize?
The daydreamers nightmare is to never even try.
You kind of slipped by.
Fear of failure a comfort zone is killed.

Brace your self and give into the moment.
I've got nothing to lose.
So what is your excuse?
Save yourself's your dying in slow motion.
You got nothing to lose.
So what's your excuse?

Take a step back and find a way out of here.
Can't you see the answer is loud and clear.

Brace your self and give into the moment.
I've got nothing to lose.
So what is your excuse?
Save yourself's your dying in slow motion.
You got nothing to lose.
So what's your excuse?

Find a way out of here...

Currently Listening Vol. II By Hurt 10 Ton Brick see related

I'm more angry than sad. How weird is that. Thanks fate...

More about this later. Peace!

"Ten Ton Brick"

A Ten Ton Brick is making me sick
Breakin’ my bones with the weight of it
Weight would grow with each new soul
Very fine lines with big black holes

Who am I supposed to be?
Not like you give a fuck about me but
Who am I supposedly?
When I'm finally done

Cause I'm finally done
With the decisions of
My former thoughts and all that I'm made of
Yet I'm finally done with the description, oh
And I don't mind saying
I'm to blame!

When Atlas slipped I lost my grip
Yet I didn't think it could turn into this but
I was told by two sweet crows
Nobody feels what nobody knows and

Who am I supposed to be?
If everything good was taken from me and
Who am I supposedly?
I was overcome

But I'm finally done
With the divisions of
My former thorns with who I may have loved
I'm finally done
With the dissension oh
And I don't mind saying
Don't mind saying
I'm to blame!

Oh this Ten Ton Brick
Would treat me like shit
This little piggy licked all those lips, yeah
And so defined
Who threw aside but won't encumber me

Cause I'm finally done
With the position of
My former thoughts
And all that it may have cost

I'm finally done
With the decisions, love
Now I don't mind saying
I don't mind saying
You're to blame

When you move, you move me.
You move, you move me.
Yeah.

Nothing comes from nothing
Must mean something in the end
Justify the means
I need to break you
Need to hate you
Need to take this back but
Taking is like giving
If you're at the other end
I won't pretend to know your feelings
I could never break the chain
I command you to move!

Hey all, tell me what you think of this poem. I think I may turn it into my Poetry Class. Just wanted any suggestions if you had any. Peace!

In Need Of Sun

Grey clouds cover the sky,
dulling the horizon.
Where I am now,
I can only look up.
It's like I'm wrapped in my bedsheets,
twisted and trapped
to the point it hurts.
Since when did this rosebush
grow and suffocate my heart?
It's thorns sink deep into
my love muscle with every contraction.
A bird gracefully flies over me,
spreading its wings in absolute freedom.
I envy how the air hits its face
so majestically, so cool.
I'm stuck, forever bonding
to the mud and clay that
causes this weed
this beautiful plague,
to strengthen its constriction.
Where I am now,
I can only look up,
seeing these dark clouds
prevent another day
for the gardener
to come and free me.

Currently Listening This Type Of Thinking Could Do Us In By Chevelle Emotional Drought see related

This sunday was going to be a good day, a great day for me and Stevie. He was supposed to come back from Vegas. He said that the whole day would be seeing me. Well, with the fucked up airlines and the chicken-shit pilots, he's there for another day. I normally wouldnt mind but I have a test Tues. in Statistics, a test Thursday in Psychology of Learning, a test Friday in Biology, and a huge project due Wed. in Biology.

So I am pissed that the only time I really had to spare, and was pre-set to be for us, was pissed away. I had picked out a movie for us to watch. I wrote him poems too, just for the hell of it, and I was going to fix him one of my famous pizza sandwiches. I had a park for us to chill at, and then ice-cream and dance dance. I mean, the one time I plan something out, almost minute by minute, and yeah...

Fate is a cruel mo-fo. I will make it through. I am a trooper. Nothing will hold me back.

I saw Step Up 2 with Mandi and realized that I liked the movie a lot. Especially the last dance with Timbalands song "Bounce". That song kicks ass. This whole week has been a blur though. I basically just hung out with Mandi or sat at home watching anime. Jay and Mandi came over last night for Death Note. Thats always fun. We need to think of a name for that card game. It's awesome, and I am sure we could make money off of it, maybe.

Cannot wait for spring. Badminton and Duel, here I come. And I will kick ass. And I will bring it! Jay, Mandi, Adam, and Stevie, BRING IT ON! Lol.

Well, I am off. I need to edit one story, write a poem, and finish up this project early, so maybe, just maybe, I could hang out with Stevie this week. Peace!

"Emotional Drought"

It's possible that the worst
Of the inside
Could take our pencils away
End creating
Can't let the teachers lay waste
Of a new mind
Prevent emotional drought
And watch the pace quicken
Try to never touch
Try to never touch
[Chorus]
Won't keep holding back my conscious
Realize
There's a choice to not end up like you
Not end up like you
Let's turn our wretched debates into action
By diplomacy gain, back a handshake
Tied and unable to tend, to the wounds that were made
So much closer to shame we see but never touch
[bridge]
Search
For
Truth
One more man
Tearing at the throat of
One more man
Never dropped as fast as
One more man
Coloring the fate of
One more man
Is better than the fate of you

Currently Listening Avenged Sevenfold By Avenged Sevenfold Almost Easy see related

I am going to try this again...the last time I tried to update this site, it crashed on me and my whole rant about the nothingness in my life was deleted.

Well, I think I talked about Taste of Chaos first. The three big bands that were there were Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu, and Bullet for my Vallentine.

Bullet...
They played either "4 Words to Choke Upon" or Scream Aim Fire" first. 4 Words was greatly played and it began to hype the concert. The little bands werent much, but Idiot Pilot was sweet. They are a weird kind of music but it catches me for some reason. Well, Bullet kicked ass on stage. Their vocals were awesome, their playing was superb and they just got the crowd pumped for Atreyu.

Atreyu...
I forget the first song they played, unfortunately, but I know it was off of their new disc. Now, I love Atreyu. Their lyrics, sound and the band members all bring something new to this music world to me. I was kinda pissed they didnt play any harder songs from their 3rd album or my favorite song by them "Her Portrait In Black". They still did a good job. They played a lot of their popular songs but they were the ones that really swept the crowd away. During one of their songs, I grabbed Mandi and pretended like I was going to lift her up for crowdsurfing. She fell to the ground, and when Jay saw that, all we did was look at each other, and a second later, there she was floating along the various hands in the crowd. Lol. That was pretty cool.

Avenged Sevenfold...
I didnt expect them to be all that good. I was DEFINATELY wrong. They came on stage and kicked ass. I am definately going to get their new CD now. When he sang "Almost Easy", I was wrapped in emotions, I couldnt see straight. They ended with a weird song that I must find. They had a video playing while they sang that was weird as hell but also interesting. Lol.

Me and the Prince are still together. Thats what I call him. My Prince. Lol. Stevie and I are completely different. I realize this everyday. I dont know why I have fallen pretty good for him even though he is like the exact opposite of my type. Lol. Whatever the case, I love him. Even though we fight about stupid little things, I love him. Even though I am missing sleep because I want to help him move into his house, I love him. Hehe. Yes, that was a direct blow to you but I am sure you would be helping me if I was the one moving.

Well, I officially ran out of things to say so I am going to bounce. Peace!

Avenged Sevenfold
Almost Easy

I feel insane
Every single time I’m asked to compromise
‘Cause I’m afraid and stuck in my ways
And that’s the way it stays
So how long did I expect for love to outweigh ignorance?
By the look on your face I may have forced the scale to tip

I’m not insane, I’m not insane
I’m not insane, I’m not… I’m not insane

(Mother)
Come back to me it’s almost easy
(Said it all)
Come back again it’s almost easy

Shame pulses through my heart from the things I’ve done to you
It’s hard to face but the fact remains that this is nothing new
I left you bound and tied with suicidal memories
Selfish beneath the skin but deep inside I’m not insane

I’m not insane, I’m not insane
I’m not insane, I’m not… I’m not insane

(Mother)
Come back to me it’s almost easy
(Said it all)
Come back again it’s almost easy
(You’ll learn your lesson)
Come back to me it’s almost easy
(But first you fall)
Come back again it’s almost easy

Now that I’ve lost you it kills me to say
(Hurts to say)
I’ve tried to hold on as you’ve slowly slipped away
I’m losing the fight, I’ve treated you so wrong now let me make it right
(Make it right)

I’m not insane, I’m not insane
(ha ha ha ha ha)
I’m not insane, I’m not… Not insane

(Mother)
Come back to me it’s almost easy
(Said it all)
Come back again it’s almost easy
(You’ll learn your lesson)
Come back to me it’s almost easy
(But still you’ll fall)
Come back again it’s almost easy