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Takingthetimetoscrewup
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Name: Shalan Elizabeth
Country: Greece
Metro: Athens
Birthday: 7/20/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: ~Dancing in the rain, being with the most wonderful person in the world, Nick. Eating strawberry lollipops, sitting on the porch late at night, drinking hot cocoa, catching snowflakes on my nose and eyelashes, trying to hold the stars in my hands, listening to music when im alone, singing in the shower... and letting the world know about it, being in Nicks arms when I need it the most, to be able to tell that people love me as much as i love them, and kisses on the forehead~
Expertise: Think of this one yourself.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  yumtasty08
MSN: cloverhead@hotmail.com
Member Since:
10/24/2005
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| so bryttani hates me...over nothing. I havent done anything to her
EVER! and now the other brittany hates me too. So i guess the only
thing that i have in Lee's summit is a crazy mom; nothing great.
nick and i are done...forever. It pointless anymore..i give up. theres
sumone else, but i cant fall for them. They dont care, so neither will
i. Looks like i get to be a cold hearted, bitter, cruel bitch like i
was back in the day. And to tell you the truth, im not seeing a problem
with that. I cant be nice to the whole freaking world, right?
shalan
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| Fuck it! im sick of all this shit that's going on! Im sick of acting like im happy when in really screaming on the inside! I fucking tired of dealing with everyone else's life when mines not the best. I dont want to help everyone else get out of what they got themselves into in the first place.
ldskfjslkadfjiwoirsjdoifjseriousidourbow4eir08sdufiosdhfoidsjfisodfueiwojroidsufhiosdjfisje
kjsdfjiojslieroisjfkldsjfio jfdiosdjiosdjfiodsjfiodsjciodsfjio fiodsufiojsdfiojeoifjsido idusf iejflsjdfjsidofjiosdmfiodsjfidsofjdisjfisdjfiosdjfiosdjfisdojfiodjfiodsjfiosdjfiosd fijdsfijdsfoijdsfiojdsoif disofjsidofjoidsf....i had to let sum anger out!
so pretty much i dont get a shit about anyone anymore...im giving up on trying to make everyone fucking happy.
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Things are so messed up right now. I dont know what I'm going to do. Everything is coming down on me so fast, and I can't and dont know how to deal with it. Im so scared right now that im going to lose so much. All the stuff that I've work for in the last 2 month is gonna be lost here in a matter of moments. I know what your wondering what I'm about to lose...everything. With a home life that doesnt exist, a love for someone that's walking on cracked ice, a mother that doesnt even know im alive, and my bestfriend in the world is crashing down just as fast as me. What can i do?..i ask this question to myself every chance that i get. Half of the time, i just put my thoughts to the side and let everything build up. I cant do that this time. Life is getting harder and harder with everything that's going on and i cant get it under control.
My dad and I hardly are together...and to tell you the truth, that's killing me. I never really got miss my dad as i child...and now, here i am, living with the man and i miss him more then i ever did before. Im not going to sit here and say that my dad is the greatest in the world..hes far from that..but he's all i got. The years have gone by so quickly now that im starting to think that he's forgotten how to be a father. So when it all boils down...he doesnt care.
As for Nick, God...i love him with all my heart. I truly do and I cant vision myself without him here with me. But at the sametime...i know that he cant say that samething. When i tell him that i love him, i really do mean it. Does he mean it when he says it back? I tell myself that he does, but then i tell myself that its a lie. I never really thought of "love at first sight"...but now, here and now, i can say that its true. When Im with him, alone, being held by the one guy that i've fallen in love with...i know that everything is going to be okay at that very moment. But the second that he lets me go...hell comes back and i cant breathe. At times, i dont understand him. I can be there...him telling me that he loves me and then as soon as we're around someone else...im not important. Its at these moments that love to me..means nothing. He seem to think the samething. As for all i know, as soon as i go back to Lee's Summit...he could completly forget about me and go on to the next girl that he wants. God, its breaking my heart knowing that I could just be "somebody" in his life and not somebody that's important. But even if my world falls down...i know that no matter what, i'll always love him more than anyone else in my life. I'll know that i had that brief moment with someone wonderful. And at the sametime..i'll be crumbling down inside.
I love you Nick...Always and Forever.
Im suppose to be going back to Lee's Summit on the first of November. I dont want to go back to that place. Its not home...here, st. joe, is home. It always has been and always will be. My mom doesnt even know that im alive. I've been here for a little over 2 months and has she called? No. Not once...she doesnt care. She's glad that she's got me out of her life and she's got her life back. The only thing that i have in Lee's Summit is Bryttani, Lil, and Bie. Those three girls are my world and more. I cant live without them in my life. Their the reason that I make it through the day...so i can talk to just one of them on the net, or call them. When i need pushing, their there to make me go that one last step...
On days like this
I miss you three a lot
I watch the storm come in
And the raindrops hit my window
The times we dance
Together in the chilled water
Your far away
crying like I
I'll think of the tears
A happy moment hits the ground
I wish it would rain like this everyday
So the sleepless nights would get better and better
E.
I cant bear to go to Lee's Summit anymore because everytime i do...I cry because my world is there...yet my love is here. I cant look Bryttani in the eyes like i once could. She makes me weak...she makes me breakdown. Of all people in my life, she's the only one that has ever been able to do that. I make her cry everytime that i show up..and then leave her again. God, i wish that i could take away all her sadness and make it my own. I cant stand to see her cry or be saddened about anything. I was dancing with Brytt, Bie and Lil at Bie's 16th b-day and with a blink of my eye..i was crying. I started to think that this could very well be the last time that i get to be with them. The last time that i get to be next to them. I would do anything in my power to make those three girl happy. I cant break a promise to any of them...i've never been able to do that. All my life, i've been taught that its okay to make and break promises. But with them...i cant do it. I've never broke a promise to either of them. I love them more then life itself.
If you could...would you take this all aways from me and make it your own? I know that i would for you.
Shalan
       
  
i dont feel like that crap...hehe. i just liked the Icons..yay! | | |
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