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| Well I'm currently on tha phone wit a nigga scorned! I'm here tryna listen to everybody and I'm cry'in ova everybodyz shyt....Dammit why?! Guess my dad wanna rip me 4rm jayson cuz of religon...becuz he doesn't believe the principles I'm chok'in on right about now..about to throw up off of sum crazi stress hav'in the attitude-whats the use of speak'in my side for this one. Az much as I put in I cannot make up my dad's mind wen mine isn't connecting anymore. I am so mad that I'm even cry'in over my psycologist talk'in to me tonight know'in I might have to sit there in silence or go haywire wen we're suppost to be on the same team! Just tired N play'in back songs I know Jayson loves | | |
| Drastically is an important word I'm glad exists cuz otherwise how would I fill the blank ( My life has changed so ________! or My life has _________changed!) I didn't check the date of my last entry on here but I have an idea that it's been a decade or more though I'm not so into the internet anymore let alone keeping a record of things...really,I just lost care for the longest time and naturally,all kindz of shit made up the restraint I thought I mastered. As my daddy always puts it,DON'T THOUGHT,THINK STEPHANIE!!!! THINK!!!!!!! Yea,I'm heeding it now...mostly cuz everything I could find to smile about I nearly killed just wanting to I guess force the fact I'm around to my parents. I'm such a ghost...sure,they've talked to me...it's just amazin that I was able to sneak outta the house without the slightest accusation on my ass till I came clean. My friend Traci tells me and others apparently that it was stupid to confess since because of it I'm stuck at home not to mention the constant suggestions to get enthusiastic about religon....NO THANKS! So I'm in the process of home-schooling which it doesn't much bother me until Traci takes the liberty of counting everythin I'll be missing but at the same time wishing she could get outta school too....guess that's why I don't much call her,I can't understand her motives anymore and I got ENOUGH to try N figure out as it is! I've been searchin for a job,been wonder'in bout my driving situation...and relationship wise...I told Jayson I LOVE YOU! He said he does too or else why would he bother with my crazy need for turmoil between us. He didn't word it like that but to me,perhaps my Uncle in AZ has a point! He could find better.... WHY NOT? right. | | |
|  It seems I've gone to the far endza of hiatus....hmmmm,I just had to browse thru them ol blogz 4 a bit and I can't determine if I've really even grown. All I noe is life is still boring | | |
| Well I'm tryna refresh myself by a new look this time...I've found some AMAZING colors and styles I didn't know could be around or legal LOL Yea,I figure instead of changing my personality for ppl,I'll change my style for ME!!! I loke the rocker looks.They just fit me cuz I luv goin above and beyond the mere unique. I guess you can call me single.Jayson did ask me to be his gurl again then several weeks later,"send me 40 bucks" and then this whole month--nothing! but his step dad stold his identity and cleaned him out so he has no phone and is living with my cuzzin's boyfriend. I just don't comprehend why he can't call me 4rm their phones but OH WELL> Stephanie get over urself!!! I should just tell him its useless calling ourselves a couple when we never talk and aren't even shar'in a zip code!!! It might just be over even if it goes good later anyways cuz I had planned on now moving to New York with a friend...goin to performance arts school--(MY DREAM!!!) I doubt he'd wanna go live out there with me when we havn't spent 1 minute in eachother's company!!! HAHAHAHA--SUCH A JOKE!! I'm gett'in a job...if all goes smoothly,MAURICES!!! I'm suppost to meet with the manager sometime...I ain't nervous,just EXCITED!!! The stuff the puts ppl over the edge in freak'in out doesn't do shyt to me cuz all u can do is be urself and things will come together. If not Maurices,*tear* lol then somewhere definately cuz I'm ready to get my ass in gear!!! Then I won't have to have so much time to analize the teenage imperfections that are beautiful. I've been so busy just with school and stuff... | | |
| 9/10/o6 Back.happy anyone? Yea,I didn't think so. If you are...bless you!!! I'm seeing Xanga as ultimately shut down...it's like no one's here anymore and when they are,keeping an online journal isn't that releasing anymore..just another waste of youthful hours. things are at a,"could be better,could be worse". I am sick of wanting...I am sick of being unwanted at the same time.All my life has amounted to is doing things that I know aren't me for the sake of feeling alive. I seriously expected myself to be pregnant by now. Guess I do have a greater purpose. Why else would all my screw up's effect my mentality and not so much my future?! Yesterday I accually had fun without hurting myself and other's in the process. Went down to my friend Paula's church and did lots of cookey activities till almost 10pm and it started around 5pm. I stocked up on candy from that shin-dig. Pretty awesome day! I'd explain it but I'm restless due to the nights I went under extreme instability waiting for Manuel to call..no longer Jayson,I put him behind me because..too painful but it's already getting at that point with Manuel. 2day is just boring.... | | |
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