Goodbye- I Love You Because

(disclaimer...'Marcie' isn't actually 'Marcie' in this particular production...Her name starts with an "L," and ends with "i-s-a.")

Marcie...Marcie's mine.

And I'm hers...and it's true...She isn't perfect...and that's fine.

...But what happens now to the life I thought I knew?

I had my whole life planned out...

There was no surprise to speak of...

I knew without a doubt what life was all about...

But now I'm caught because I'm choosing between the life I may be losing, and Marce...who I love...

I tried to stay the course...

I think of Marcie and I wander...

There's this pulling, aching force...and I'm certain of the source...

At first I did my best to completely destroy it...

...Now I'm starting to enjoy it.

Is this "goodbye" to knowing my next move?

"Goodbye" to knowing where I stand?

This change isn't small...

Do I go back on all I planned...

...and say "Hello" to uncertain mornings?

Just we can take it from there...

But I may regret this choice because I'm reeling... it's too much to bet on a whim that I'm feeling...

...Too much is resting on my saying "Goodbye."

Then there's Marcie who sees who I am, and still has the nerve to care...

I know that Marcie won't give a damn if I plan my life out or leave it up to chance...or set up shop on the moon... She'll love me anyway... So I say...

"Goodbye" to my expectations...

"Goodbye" to everything I know...

No rules to obey... so I'll wake everyday... and I'll go

We'll see to who knows what

Who cares as long as Marcie's by my side

I used to just do what was planned an prepared

I wouldn't trust chance because I was too scared...

But Marcie is my reason now to try...

So to I used to be...

...and the life I thought I wanted:

"goodbye..."

"Goodbye..."

"GOODBYE!"

-Ken

I find it amazing how we as human beings are ever-evolving; changing.

My mother has been superhuman to me since I have been born- divorced and single most of my life...and has consistently loved me, she has also consistently been consistent...at...not changing...or, even evolving. I have had this xanga for years, and I can't believe I've never addressed one of the most taxing issues of my life on here, my outlet (probably because I try to display tact...when I can.)

But it has really started to boil in my brain, and really needs to come to a head as I've gotten older, and yearned for my independence...

It is really sad and pathetic, MOM, that I would feel safer breathing in polluted factory air from outside than stay in my own home and succumb to your disgusting addiction. There's more of a reason I pride myself on smelling as good as I do...it's not just for my girl, or for the people who have to be within contact of me...it's because, quite simply, I don't want to reek of your fucking habit. It sickens me. Goddamn it...I KNOW you LOVE me, but RESPECT me too- Please.

...More to come, perhaps- I have to go to rehearsal.

(Belated news from Thursday, March 6th, 2008...11:00am)

DAMMIT JANET...

I'm playing BRAD MAJORS in "Rocky Horror Show!"

-Ken

EVEN THOUGH

MARCIE
When you first told me you loved me
I was more than just a little bit surprised
But then you left and I realized
There was something about you
Something... so that I couldn’t live without you

And even though you’re just a little bit pretentious
Even though you’re more traditional than my dad
Even though you drove me crazy from hello
You touch a part of me I didn’t even know I had

And so, I need to say I want you anyway
I want you anyway
Even though this might not be the perfect way to tell you
But, perfection never was what I did best
Two months ago, I never would have guessed
That I’d compare to “you know who”
But now I know I belong with you

And even though I think your way of life is different
Even though there’s not a single thing we share
Even though you’re not like anyone I know
You take me to a place I didn’t even know was there

And so, I need to say I choose you anyway
I choose you anyway
Even though the night when I first met you
You were freakish
Now look at us, we both have come so far
You’re not different
I’m not different
But, it’s all together different
‘Cause I love you in spite of who you are

And even though you’re so much paler than my dream man
Even though you’re such a dork and I don’t feel the way I should
Even though I should stop, well here I go
I love you in a way I didn’t even know I could

And so, I need to say I love you anyway
I love you anyway
Even though

********************************************************************

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE

AUSTEN:

Marcie, look at you... You make decisions without thinking twice... infact... barely once. Marcie, look at you... You go see a show... without checking the listings. You join a new club each day, and the next day... change your mind.

That once drove me crazy that that's who you were... But... that's who you are.

I love you Because... you're not the person I dreamed of at all. I love you Because... you make me feel like a fool. You don't do what's expected. You're handed a rule, and it's quickly rejected... and it's easy to say... "I love you anyway," But I don't... I love you Because.

MARCIE:

Austen, look at you... with your big, goofy smile... your freshly pressed shirt... And constant tie. Austen, look at you... you want what is quiet, and structured and normal... I tried to say "that's okay" but it all came out all wrong. It would have gone better if only I'd said... what you just said to me. I love you Because you're not the person I dreamed of at all... I love you Because you have too many reasons behind your every move and decision... you make up your mind with routine and precision... and it's easy to say, "I love you anyway," But I don't... I love you Because.

AUSTEN:

People will call us "insane." ...Insane to love someone who is so clearly wrong, but now it seems that wrong is the right way to go.

MARCIE:

People will say that we're "crazy." ...Crazy to fall for each other... But then again... what do they know?

AUSTEN/MARCIE:

I pushed you away. You weren't at all... the person I wanted to answer my call, but the things I used to question I'm seeing anew.

MARCIE: 

I wanted someone like me...

AUSTEN:

Who wouldn't ask hard questions...

MARCIE:

Who'd share all of my thoughts...

AUSTEN:

Who'd share all of my fears...

MARCIE/AUSTEN:

Now all I want is to be here with you.

I love you Because (I love you Because) you're not the person I dreamed of at all. I love you Because (I love you Because) you push me in a direction that I thought was lost. You're the answer to a question that I never posed... and it's easy to say... (easy to say) "I love you anyway," but I won't say (no, I'll never say) "I love you anyway," 'cause I don't... I love you Because.

-Ken          

The start of 2008 is leaps and bounds better than the start of 2007...

 Well... it was...

Wow...not even a full ten days into the new year, and already I manage(d) to set a record by "successfully" maxing out my quota for stupidity for an entire year...2008 and then some... --Hell, maybe even an entire lifetime. (Judging by my track record... is anyone surprised anymore?)

Argh, ironically enough...I always say stupid people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

Some offenses are just... unforgivable.

"What an exquisite... what a chaotic... mess... is love..." (<- song lyrics written by _one_ HeatherLeighKline)

Love... and life both, baby... one big friggin' chaotic mess. 

-Ken