Tankdogg18k's Xanga

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 04:43:04 GMT

Happy October... Holy fuck!

I clicked "New Weblong Entry." Jeez, how long has it been since I wrote in this thing?

Some job I did at bringing Xanga back, right?

What's new these days? Me.

That shouldn't be particularly surprising because the only thing constant is change. I've always loved that quote, and it's especially befitting these days because I'm finally in "Jekyll and Hyde." One of my dream shows in the theatre. I'm --how you say-- VERY EXCITE!

Shit...I feel an entry of cliche's coming on here...

They say there's no rest for the wicked... Something wicked this way comes then.

I just got done playing a wicked character (Bob Ewell) in "To Kill A Mockingbird." You want to talk about testing one's acting chops... So many people told me that I play crazy well, and I think some of the audience were reluctant to come up to me and shake my hand because of the nature of the beast I portrayed... I found that the ultimate compliment-- along with the raving, glowing reviews I (and the rest of the cast) received. That was the most challenging, rewarding... and exhausting role I've ever had. C'mon, playing an asshole in Rocky Horror Show as Brad Majors and having to strip down to your underwear in front of complete strangers is one thing... Heck, I walk around my house practically naked anyway-- ain't no thang... but to make people really hate you, and love to hate you takes work, and skill. That was rewarding. It's exhausting however to be racist, and misogynistic when your best friend is African-American and played Tom Robinson (the protagonist to your antagonist) and you love...absolutely adore and WORSHIP the female species...

Speaking of,

I have been single now for --well-- over seven months, and that's the longest I've gone without an intimate, "monogomist" relationship for at least four years. I'm starting to hate it...

Friday, March 14, 2008

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 00:29:17 GMT

I find it amazing how we as human beings are ever-evolving; changing.

My mother has been superhuman to me since I have been born- divorced and single most of my life...and has consistently loved me, she has also consistently been consistent...at...not changing...or, even evolving. I have had this xanga for years, and I can't believe I've never addressed one of the most taxing issues of my life on here, my outlet (probably because I try to display tact...when I can.)

But it has really started to boil in my brain, and really needs to come to a head as I've gotten older, and yearned for my independence...

It is really sad and pathetic, MOM, that I would feel safer breathing in polluted factory air from outside than stay in my own home and succumb to your disgusting addiction. There's more of a reason I pride myself on smelling as good as I do...it's not just for my girl, or for the people who have to be within contact of me...it's because, quite simply, I don't want to reek of your fucking habit. It sickens me. Goddamn it...I KNOW you LOVE me, but RESPECT me too- Please.

...More to come, perhaps- I have to go to rehearsal.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 05:26:20 GMT

(Belated news from Thursday, March 6th, 2008...11:00am)

DAMMIT JANET...

I'm playing BRAD MAJORS in "Rocky Horror Show!"

-Ken

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:25:35 GMT

EVEN THOUGH

MARCIE
When you first told me you loved me
I was more than just a little bit surprised
But then you left and I realized
There was something about you
Something... so that I couldn’t live without you

And even though you’re just a little bit pretentious
Even though you’re more traditional than my dad
Even though you drove me crazy from hello
You touch a part of me I didn’t even know I had

And so, I need to say I want you anyway
I want you anyway
Even though this might not be the perfect way to tell you
But, perfection never was what I did best
Two months ago, I never would have guessed
That I’d compare to “you know who”
But now I know I belong with you

And even though I think your way of life is different
Even though there’s not a single thing we share
Even though you’re not like anyone I know
You take me to a place I didn’t even know was there

And so, I need to say I choose you anyway
I choose you anyway
Even though the night when I first met you
You were freakish
Now look at us, we both have come so far
You’re not different
I’m not different
But, it’s all together different
‘Cause I love you in spite of who you are

And even though you’re so much paler than my dream man
Even though you’re such a dork and I don’t feel the way I should
Even though I should stop, well here I go
I love you in a way I didn’t even know I could

And so, I need to say I love you anyway
I love you anyway
Even though

********************************************************************

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE

AUSTEN:

Marcie, look at you... You make decisions without thinking twice... infact... barely once. Marcie, look at you... You go see a show... without checking the listings. You join a new club each day, and the next day... change your mind.

That once drove me crazy that that's who you were... But... that's who you are.

I love you Because... you're not the person I dreamed of at all. I love you Because... you make me feel like a fool. You don't do what's expected. You're handed a rule, and it's quickly rejected... and it's easy to say... "I love you anyway," But I don't... I love you Because.

MARCIE:

Austen, look at you... with your big, goofy smile... your freshly pressed shirt... And constant tie. Austen, look at you... you want what is quiet, and structured and normal... I tried to say "that's okay" but it all came out all wrong. It would have gone better if only I'd said... what you just said to me. I love you Because you're not the person I dreamed of at all... I love you Because you have too many reasons behind your every move and decision... you make up your mind with routine and precision... and it's easy to say, "I love you anyway," But I don't... I love you Because.

AUSTEN:

People will call us "insane." ...Insane to love someone who is so clearly wrong, but now it seems that wrong is the right way to go.

MARCIE:

People will say that we're "crazy." ...Crazy to fall for each other... But then again... what do they know?

AUSTEN/MARCIE:

I pushed you away. You weren't at all... the person I wanted to answer my call, but the things I used to question I'm seeing anew.

MARCIE:

I wanted someone like me...

AUSTEN:

Who wouldn't ask hard questions...

MARCIE:

Who'd share all of my thoughts...

AUSTEN:

Who'd share all of my fears...

MARCIE/AUSTEN:

Now all I want is to be here with you.

I love you Because (I love you Because) you're not the person I dreamed of at all. I love you Because (I love you Because) you push me in a direction that I thought was lost. You're the answer to a question that I never posed... and it's easy to say... (easy to say) "I love you anyway," but I won't say (no, I'll never say) "I love you anyway," 'cause I don't... I love you Because.

-Ken

Friday, January 11, 2008

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 09:01:53 GMT

The start of 2008 is leaps and bounds better than the start of 2007...

Well... it was...

Wow...not even a full ten days into the new year, and already I manage(d) to set a record by "successfully" maxing out my quota for stupidity for an entire year...2008 and then some... --Hell, maybe even an entire lifetime. (Judging by my track record... is anyone surprised anymore?)

Argh, ironically enough...I always say stupid people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

Some offenses are just... unforgivable.

"What an exquisite... what a chaotic... mess... is love..." (<- song lyrics written by _one_ HeatherLeighKline)

Love... and life both, baby... one big friggin' chaotic mess.

-Ken

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:49:20 GMT

*sings* "I'm bringin' Xanga back...!" (Yup...! ...you mothafuckas don't know how to act...--yup...!)

The God-send, the Savior, the Chosen-one...,

-Ken

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 03:00:15 GMT

22! But...

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 23:06:37 GMT

I'm so proud of the cast and crew of "Hello Dolly!"

Opening night...last night...was fa-bu-lous! A few "substantial, quite well liked, and well-to-do" theatre folk commented that it was the BEST show they've seen done at the park in some time-- BEST this summer. (Theatre folk are usually cordial with one another regardless of their feeling toward a show or individual performance, but I know these people who I am mentioning are tough sells and wouldn't make comments like that if they didn't think them as true.)

If you want to see the show, you have six more chances to see "Hello Dolly" at Theatre in the Park...I think it's more than worth your while to cash in those opportunities! (although it's hotter than Hades "out there..." tonight...so I wouldn't advise that you "put on your Sunday clothes!")

Tickets are SIX measely dollars...JUST SIX bucks! (<--which I didn't mention in my last xanga entry-- I also capitalize "SIX" because that's how many performances *including tonight* that remain) 8:30pm showtime. Hope to see you all there! ...Seeing as I'm there every night watching the show, I'll know if you DON'T come! DON'T MISS OUT!

And in semi-unrelated news...

Note to self: STOP listening to the Wedding Singer and The Last Five Years repeatedly.

I swear...my life IS a musical sometimes...and often I'm NOT the leading man.

I don't ever want the curtain to go down on this amazing, beautiful thing...

Because...

"I know I can play this part!"

...with...

"Patience,"

-Ken

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 22:48:38 GMT

G'ddam I need to update this more...is what I'm told... Some person (or people) still read(s) this...is what I'm told...

I don't have much of an excuse for not updating this thing (other than having a life...which should make for better and more frequent updates like I used to do...but ah, it's my life...and no one else is living it, or even living vicariously through it by reading about it. No one uses xanga anymore, so why do I keep feeling compelled to update? What's going on in my life is none of your business.) I also don't have an excuse for not updating because I finally, again have internet in my room..."bitches!" *woot*

*another woot?* "Hello Dolly" Tech week. Show's this Friday, Saturday, Sunday... then runs until NEXT Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. COME SEE IT! Please... (That would be JULY 13th-22nd...8:30PM-- TTIP.)

-Ken

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 03:23:53 GMT

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated...

I really shouldn't joke like that in light of the events that have transpired since my last xanga update, and being as that my last xanga update was May 24th (the day that my sister and her friend Kelsey Smith *R.I.P.* graduated from SMWest) obviously A LOT of events have transpired, and if I didn't update sooner (now) rather than later, perhaps my xanga would become defunct, or I would (quite literally) explode because there is just too much to write about to keep it in (and not on the internet for all to view) any longer...

(UPDATE LATER...Hey-- this attempt is something, right?! )

*E*D*I*T: Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 1:11PM CST.~~

I have to start off by reiterating that A LOT has happened since my last update, and May 29th specifically was, and probably will continue to remain one of the most incredible and memorable days ever in my life! Just...WOW! Yeah, enough about that...you wouldn't understand unless you were where I was, let me just say that. I'll say it again...WOW!

Let's just say more than anyone can ever imagine was gained, but also lost since the last update...I don't wish death upon anybody because there's no coming back from that (that we know of) but Edwin R. Hall, if you infact did mess with God's plan and prematurely took Kelsey Smith, you need to rot in jail for life, be castrated (for the kids, that's having one's balls and/or penis cut off--learn something new everyday, right?) and tortured to the point where you wish you were dead...(I think castration would more than do the job. I can't think of anything worse for a man...other than getting married...just kidding! ...Wanted to lighten the mood, for a spell.) My mind still drops thinking about what happened on June 2nd, 2007. I'm shocked, awed, dismayed at what happened, trying to understand why/how, what provoked it to happen. What kind of a world do we live in when a girl can't walk into a Target, buy a few things, leave and go home without being abducted in BROAD DAYLIGHT...in fucking Johnson County? (For one of the richest counties in the country, they sure don't invest too much in security...) That could've been anyone. My sister, for instance...Thank God it wasn't, but it shouldn't have been Kelsey or anyone else either. If it was Edwin R. Hall, He had a criminal record, was married and HAD a kid for Christ sake, and a weird Myspace profile where his interests listed were "eating small children and harming animals." It has since been deleted, probably by his white trash wife (and in so doing probably opened up another messy can of peas...tampering with evidence...much?!) "This world ain't right" as a pastor said at Kelsey's memorial service, quoting one of the 'Kelsey's army' volunteers. Amen. Edwin R. Hall, and people like him aren't right...I don't care about the fact that his parents didn't love him or hug him enough as a child or he was in and out of foster care for a large tenure of his life...blahblahblah...We are the choices we make. We ultimately face the consequences for the life we choose to lead and live-- good or bad, right or wrong...We are held responsible for our actions. Edwin R. Hall, if it turns out you did the crime, you do the time...and in this case, I hope that it's (and have an inkling that it will be) forever.

R.I.P. Kelsey Smith, a fellow Viking who will never be forgotten. You did not deserve this- not even a month after graduating and turning 18, your future had so much promise, you had your whole LIFE ahead of you...in the end you got what you wanted, to be famous, but it was at a terrible turn, and a horrible, expensive cost. A death this close to home only makes us remember and realize our own mortality. Life is precious...and the longest thing we'll ever experience, but it's the shortest! I'm almost 22 (God willing)...where does the time go? Don't take a single moment for granted, anybody. Tell the people you love that you love them...you may not have the chance to do that, or see them in a moment...because that's what life is-- an inconsistent series of moments. Create your moments with those whom you love, remember those moments (and people.) Cherish them...you very well may not experience them again. "The only thing constant...is change."

"It only takes a moment..."

******************************************************************************************

Lights up...

Curtain down on "Sweeney Todd."

It was a(n) -ginormous- honor, for the most part, to be entrusted to portray (one of my many dream roles) Anthony Hope in the production. The show itself was a(n) experience...(for the most part enjoyable, but collectively, a learning experience) full of a lot of high's and a few lows (as a few in the cast and staff can attest to, the lows were really low for me...) First I want to say that this experience assured me that there are a handful of people I don't care to ever (as long as I live and breathe) work with again, despite how talented they are...or think they are. I'm not one to shy away from controversy and have debated whether I'd list their names so everyone else could take heed and be warned, but I won't list their names because that audience of their affiliates/colleagues might read this, and I'm not going to be that stupid to potentially jeopardize my anticipated career if I stay in this community for however long I'm here...news and airing of (dirty) laundry spreads fast in the realm of theatre, and in theatrical circles...everyone knows what color your shit is, seriously...I'll just say that Community theatre cracks me up sometime(s)...notably the egos; If you're so good, why aren't you already performing on broadway or doing professional theatre in a touring company...where I hope to be sometime soon...er rather than later. (And actors having the audacity to overstep their bounds (and their role(s)) and try to direct other actors is downright unprofessional...(which probably explains why they aren't on broadway or doing professional theatre with a touring company) ...not to mention a huge turnoff...unless there's a "director" attached to your title, keep your fucking mouth shut when it comes to...directing (unless it is called for, and it seldom is.) End of that discussion.)

*KCStage.com, --cough--* We ("Sweeney Todd") were the most talked about show in town, good or bad reviews (plenty of the latter) any publicity is good publicity. As one reviewer so elegantly put it, we tackled an 800-pound gorilla and they may have felt like we lost, but I think we won...all we had to do was look at the consistent sellouts our second weekend, and realize that talk is cheap, the tickets were relatively expensive, but we had butts in the seats...on the edge of their seats at that...(probably to try to actually hear us, because we didn't have microphones against a 21-piece (albeit muted at times) orchestra...!)

I personally want to teach myself NOT to read reviews during the run of a show. I got slaughtered in a lot of them--some unjustly so, and I, personally thought I was doing well. I want everyone to like me, or respect me for what I do, but that's never going to happen-- no matter what I do. You can't please everyone in this lifetime. People just didn't buy into me, they didn't like me, love me, or respect me...but for all of those naysayers or people who didn't buy into, like, love, or respect me onstage, there were quite a few others who did- who may not have necessarily voted on KCstage or made their opinion(s) heard. I can't have a weak mind, or a feeble heart if I want to pursue this career; sensitive is so yesterday. I need tough skin, so the bullets will bounce off and my performance doesn't lack or suffer (as it admittedly did as I continued to read some of the heinous things written personally about me...*this was my first real bout with reviews, see...*) I want to be as authentic as possible; every actor does...make the character real to the world, different than themselves. (We're in essence living vicariously through another person, but when reviews come out, they namedrop, and it stings a little, but the wounds can heal...over time, if you allow for them to, or if you just don't read the stinkin' reviews.) Opinions are LIKE assholes, true story, everyone's got one...SOME stink a lot more than others do however. I love what I do, and am sure that I will have many opportunities to continue to do it, somewhere, some place, somehow. I've found my voice (and confidence) again. I have big dreams which I intend to finally act on and follow (pursuing THE dream for a young aspiring actor.) I'm searching for any way, shape, or form to get out of the midwest. I want to strike while the iron is hot and the getting, I feel, can still be good. Love for someone is the only one reason keeping me here in this life, in this area, but I'll do what it takes to take that reason (and person) with me to my new, future endeavors. "Think of what we can do together...unlimited...our future is unlimited." "I'm going to try defying gravity, and no one's ever gonna bring me down!" ...unless I let them, and I'm slowly but surely convincing myself not to allow that to happen. I'm so preoccupied with my future, and the next show I'm going to be in, or the next part I'm going to play, I need to sit back, relax, take a break and enjoy the moment, the present for what it's worth because there is only one today, and only one now. I won't get too comfortable, however, because I have to remain proactive if I hope to attain my goals, and reach for my dreams...or as my director for "Hello Dolly" Hank Koehn puts it, find my sparkle(s).

"THIS IS THE MOMENT...!"

"I think I can play this part!"

(STAY TUNED-- There's more to come from me...literally and figuratively speaking...! As in...more for this update...um...duh! Told you I have a lot to say, but not a whole lot of moments available (or computer accessibility rather) to say it in...)

-Ken