|
Tato_Nyla
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Country: United States
State: Hawaii
Birthday: 9/17/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: web design; crafts; GOD; music; MY FAM; the net; nyla-licious.infinite-1.net; migente.com; access.infinite-1.net; learning new things; discussing real topics/issues; thinking/conversating deeply; doing real things & meeting real people; keeping friendships real; laughing; making people laugh; buggin out; prendelo; being proud of who I am and appreciating who I've become; want more? Ask.
Expertise: Tellin' ya' ass how it really is.. naw, lol. Web design is my new thing. Need a design? HOLLERRR!! ;D
Occupation: Administrative
Industry: Media
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
10/15/2002
|
|
|
August 16, 2004; Monday @ 9:00pm
Gratitude; how often do we express such a feeling?
Yesterday I was at an orientation for the new class I am taking. We had a guest speaker and she discussed some amazing things. She hit it on point and I was blown away by all of the things she spoke about. Gratitude was a big portion of her speech and I'm stunned by how simply she expressed things.
As she was speaking, I could feel the love rising within me. Everytime something like this happens, it reminds me of God's presense. Although I should already be aware that he always around me (and everywhere at once), it just strengthens my beliefs, my reasons and my love for Him. Not only that, but his voice becomes stronger and louder within my head, heart and soul. Now that I am on the road to a healthier lifestyle (mentally, emotionally, and physically) I am able to freely express myself again, and am capable of letting things go. With that said, it brings me back to being grateful.
I think about how many people I see, know and hear about that are ungrateful. I am imperfect, yes, but, I SEE what is given to me. I appreciate my blessings, and I acknowledge what I have (and what I don't have--which usually means I DON'T need it). If I needed it, wouldn't God provide it for me? Yes he would. When I look upon people who are blind to what they have, yet are very capable of seeing what they DON'T have, it angers me. Though in situations like this, I should be expressing understanding, I just can't fathom why they are unable to see all that they DO have in their life, which I might add is worth thanking God for. I mean, LIFE is one thing. HEALTH is another. FAMILY & FRIENDS is another one. MONEY to feed and clothed yourself and your family is another thing worth being grateful for. Being able to SEE, HEAR, SPEAK, TOUCH, ha, even WALK is a great reason to be grateful. Seriously, the simpliest things do matter, yet people are constantly bitching about how they don't have that stupid pink IPOD that just came out, or how they wish they had a Mercedez Benz opposed to the Honda Accord they drive, and how they live in an apartment rather than a house. I mean, at least you have a ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD, because there are A LOT of people living at the beach with just a tarp resting over their head while they sleep freezing in the wind. We need to starting being more grateful and quit the bitching. Why acknowledge all that you don't have, when what you do have is so much? I don't get it. Be content with your life, because it could be much worst.
I will be honest, I should be praying a lot more and thanking and praising God for all he has done and continues to do and provide for me and my family. I know he knows our thoughts, what we feel inside and what rest in our hearts, so he knows when people are sincere and when they are not. He also knows when we are grateful, although we don't say it. So I'd say, I need to up my game in that area, but even if it doesn't leave my mouth or expressed through my prayers, it's in my thoughts, and rests in my heart also, so therefore I know he knows I am extremely grateful. But I know it's not good enough!
It's amazing when you stop to think about the little things that you are grateful for isn't it? Gratitude goes a long way, and when expressed to another person, it leaves a lasting impression. I think we should all exercise this everyday for the rest of our lives.
During our discussion, we went around the room saying one thing we are grateful for. Mine was "the ability to stand back up after I have fallen." That, seriously is a gift of strength. We don't know just how strong we are, until something tragic happens where survival is forced to kick in and it's "do or die." Isn't that the truth? Some of the things I have gone through, I would have never thought for a second that I'd make it through. Others in my class were grateful for transportation, their children, the ability to feel. THE ABILITY TO FEEL. How beautiful is that?? Think about it for a second. How many of us love like children do? Completely and whole-heartedly? HOW MANY? Not much I bet? Though, as adults, we can't walk about with such innocence, but there are lots of people in this world who are cold-hearted bitches. I mean, they are ICEY. They walk around with a stone face, don't reciprocate shit, but expect the world of everyone! How many of us know a few of these stone-facers?? I know a few lol. That's the type of shit that gets me down man! How hard it is to reciprocate a smile?!?! Or even a "good morning." Or if you hold the door open for someone a "thank you" you'd think would be in line right? Nope, not always. Some people just EXPECT it of you, as if you OWE them something. But the bad day they've been having for the past 10 years and the bad start they just created for you could have all been avoided if they'd part their tight lips and said "thank you" for once, preferrably with a smile--although it's fine without one. lol. I always said that being nice doesn't take much effort. But being a damn prick takes a lot out of you. Well for me anyway. I feel so damn ugly and horrible about myself when I am a bitch and didn't need to be. Hell, even when I need to be. It just takes too much out of me. I don't like the way it makes me feel and I'm sure a lot of other people feel the same. Hopefully.
Being rude and mean purposely is something I just don't understand. I wonder to myself sometimes when people are mean to others if it makes their self-esteem rise? Does it seriously do something for you people? I would think being nice would move you more than being mean. It seriously makes my day, no lie, when I smile at someone and they smile back. It's like, so wonderful. You can actually--if you let yourself, feel the love that is transmitted through the sharing of a smile. It fills my heart up and it reminds me of the goodness that still lives in some of these peoples' hearts. I love to see people happy, it makes me happy. I love to see people working together for a good cause, or just to help one another out, it fills me with joy. And if something so small as that moves me, can you imagine how much of an impact it would be if the world was to work together and help each other out? Man, THAT WOULD MAKE GOD'S DAY! That's all he ever wanted of us, and that's ALL WE EVER NEEDED. All we need is love.. love and respect. Try to imagine how good it would make us feel. Love is so beautiful. We seriously need to make a change immediately and start loving thy neighbor. Even if that asshole kid whom is very inconsiderate and plays horrible music all through the night. Rather him do something like that, than out ripping off cars to support his drug habit right? Let's look on the brighter side of things. Things aren't that bad and I'm tired of all this negativity. Aren't you?
Did you know that a child laughs 546 times each day? That must be why they are so happy. We adults need to learn how to laugh again. Let your inner child out homies! Share your smiles with the world, even if the world doesn't smile back. There was a point in my life where I let the world get me down because of its ugliness. I refuse to be that person. Though it still bothers me, I am able to still see the beauty again. Everytime I hear someone laugh, it strengthens it. Everytime I see someone hug another person, it strengthens it. Everytime I see someone say thank you on the road, it strengthens it. Whenever someone holds the door open for me, it strengthens it. Those are some of the small "everyday things" that I am grateful for. Gratitude, it's a wonderful thing.
What are you grateful for?
Well I'm out for now. Keep smiling, and like my papa always says, give it to Jesus!
peace.
-nyla
| | |
| Recently I found out that my nieces have a xanga site, much to my surprise for some reason. *shrug* So I took their names down to see what they post about. Not only for that reason, but to make sure none of their content is inappropriate for their age and that there are no pedophiles and/or other weirdos talking/stalking them. Well, one of my nieces has like 4395349053458394588 different sites on xanga, and the other (if I'm not mistaken) just updates one, though she has several. Anyway, I stumbled upon my younger nieces page only to discover a girl threatening her. Well, those who know me know that I do not stand for that type of bs. Especially when it comes to the younger generation of my family.
So the events that took place were this. I wrote on her flooblebox thing addressing it to the person whom was sending the threats to her, stating to stop it and if there are any problems to contact me. Well, they did.
Apparently from my understanding, they had an issue with my niece. So I informed the girls that if they have a problem, whomever is involved PERSONALLY may handle it. All others that are not involved shall keep their traps shut and their ass resting on the sidelines. Well those kids thought otherwise, which of course, I expected. Anyway, I just informed them that I don't like the ganging up and the threatening. The comments went back and forth for a little bit, then I guess they finally saw my side. I'm not one to jump in, and regulate just because you are in a fight with someone I am close to. Isn't my style, especially when it's regarding issues such as this. lol. No way, I am GROWN thank you very much. I will however, say something IF I have to. And I thought I did. Discussing and arguing a point between the parties that are involved (personally) in a situation is one thing, but to have people jumping in just because they favor one side I definitely do not agree with. And that was my precise point.
Anyway, this led me to thinking about kids these days. A friend of mine said I should just stay out of it because it's "kid's shit" and that they will be "sniffing each other's ass next week." Maybe so, but I don't completely agree. Everyone handles situations differently anyway, and that is how I handle mine. It wasn't that I was "defending" my niece, nor that I am going to "fight her battles" for her. It was the simple fact that kids these days need to learn RESPECT. Not just to their family members, but to people in general, even kids their age. And that is my purpose of intervening when I did.
What this world seriously lacks is respect. If you think about it, anyone who takes offensive to something it's because it was probably said and/or done in a disrespectful manner. I know if someone offends me, it's because of disrespect. Lacking common courtesy is disrespectful. Being a dick just because you FEEL like it shows disrespect. But those are the VERY same people who DEMAND respect. Morons.
The way I see it is if their parents aren't going to correct them (either because they don't know or they don't care) [if in my presence] I will. MANY will disagree with that, but I could careless. When at my house, believe your kids WILL listen to me and follow MY rules. And if I see any of my nieces/nephews or anyone that is fam or like fam doing something their parents wouldn't approve of, I will correct them also.
The reason I told those girls about how ganging up isn't nice and how threatening isn't a joke, is because they need to be corrected. I hate to hear the phrase "kids will be kids" or "boys will be boys." Stop being so ignorant and giving them excuses for acting a certain way. Aren't you their parents? WELL, GROW UP. You do not know how many times I have heard such non-sense. lol. I mean, c'mon people! Boys will be boys? WTF does that mean? So when your son steps up into his high school shooting up the damn place, does that mindset still apply? Or how about when him and his friends run a train of a naive girl under the influence, does that apply here as well? I mean SERIOUSLY, are you serious????
What you teach your kids (and what you don't) is what they will live by. You live what you learn right? Allow them to get away with murder and they will live life thinking they can get away with anything. Even if it's something so simple as teaching them to share what they have with others, it makes ahellva difference. Allowing your kid(s) to be selfish when they're young will teach them to be selfish adults. Letting your kids get their way all the time will shape them into unreasonable individuals. As simple as those statements are, is as simple as teaching your child right from wrong. That's where most parents get it twisted. They're so easy going with their children, because they're stuck in the mindset of "kids will be kids." QUE BULLSHIT!
If there is something we need to start doing (in this decade) is reversing the curse that has led us (and [will lead] future generations) to hell. Raise your children right; teach them morals and good values. Spend more time with your kids than allowing them to spend time alone. What happened to the old school ways? Too much technology, too much tired blood. Our parents (for me grandparents) worked twice as hard, and made twice as less. BUT they managed to get by. They made their lives good by enriching it with FAMILY TIME. When I hear the stories my mom, papa, or my uncles tell me about their childhood, it makes me smile thinking, "fuck, that's right, that is what family is supposed to be like." Regardless whether you got it good, or bad, you can still do things that will include the whole family. You don't have to spend money, just go to the beach for a day or something, or go walking around the mall window shopping. If not that, rent a video and have the whole family watch it. You don't have to talk to spend quality time, you just need everyone's presence & company. I will give up a weekend of partying & clubbing to eating dinner at one of my fam's house and watching a movie or just talking stories ANY DAY. Though I have always been that way, and (for some reason) I am a person that likes to bring people together (for the most part lol), I love my family's company. Now having grown up and maturing, I appreciate family so much more. I have to say (though I have MANY different characters in my fam on both sides), I have been blessed. And I should thank the Lord everyday.
This topic also leads me to when I have a family. Man, I have it planned out already LOL. I can't wait. Since I didn't have it when I was a child, I will not deprive my children of it when they are brought to this earth. No way, no how. I just can't wait. Life is going to be soooooooo sweet, I'm telling you. lol.. can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!! I mean, not that I am going to have a child anytime soon, I still need to get my a hubby LOL. But I can just see how close our family will be, and it makes me happy just thinking about it.
Anyway, I've led off topic a little, but I guess it coorelates in a sense. lol. Thanks for reading my rant (if you have). I hope all is well with everyone in this world, especially those who are reading this (since you are able to receive the message). May God continue to bless you. Take care of yourself and others.
I'm out!
3 green peas..
-nyla
| | |
| June 29, 2004; Tuesday @ 11:30pm
To love without boundaries. Is there such a thing?
Today at work a thought crossed my mind. Why do we love with limitations? Why is it supposively "right" to hold back when you`re interested in someone? WHY DO WE DO THIS?
I asked myself repeatedly and could only come up with one answer. SOCIETY says so. According to what society claims as "right" is what we abide by. How fucking twisted is that? If anyone knows love, they know it`s passionate, it`s so real you can taste it. It`s filled with so MANY emotions, yet we are unable to express this. Why is that? I find it disappointing that we have to follow some unspoken rule that when we are feeling someone, we have to set limits to it. We can`t just call whenever the hell we please because it may scare him away. Or he might think we`re jocking him and that might not be such a good idea. Who the fuck says, just because I call often, that I am jocking you? Could it simply be that I just want to talk to you? That I enjoy your company, our conversations, or that I am just simply interested in getting to know you better? Why does it have to be considered that I am "coming on too strong" or "I`m just straight up ridin` ya dick?" I don`t get it!?
If we think back to say, shakesphere`s time, the love that was expressed was SO REAL. I mean, if you read his books, you can feel the love. Yea, it`s not our common language, but if you actually sit and hear what`s being said, it`s all truth. That IS what love is. I don`t want to get off the subject, but really, love shouldn`t be held back. I feel short-changed just because someone feels that it`s only "proper" to call me once in a while so I don`t think he`s dying to hit it. That is so lame.
Because of this unspoken rule, love doesn`t get expressed to it`s full extent. And it`s not only regarding love. It could just be you`re thinking of someone for instance. And you want to call them and let them know, but you don`t. Why? Because it may come off weird. You just met, yet you`re calling to tell that person that they are on your mind? A little to free wouldn`t society say?? I disagree. What is the purpose of loving fully if there are boundaries?? Think about it.
When we find someone we are feeling big time, we set ourselves apart. We tell ourselves, "I can`t call because I don`t want to scare him away." The ironic thing about it is that, even when we`re real about things, we STILL have to play the game. No matter WHAT YOU DO, game is always involved. Even with love. Even in the longest relationships! Games are still involved. How you think to yourself, "fuck em, he did this and that, so I`ll just wait till he calls me." Yet, you`re sitting there turning purple because your man is too proud to call you. If there is any shitty mix in this world, it`s TWO proud people stuck in a fucked up situation. Now, isn`t that the truth? Where do we get with being proud? Too proud to apologize, yet we know we`re wrong. Even when we`re not, NO ONE wants to be the bigger person these days and just say, "fuck it, I`m sorry." Though, it`s not your fault, but to save peace? No one wants to walk away feeling suckered. I sure as hell don`t, but believe when it comes to love, I WILL budge. Forget what you heard, when it`s real, it`s real. No matter the circumstance, love gets me everytime.
The point I`m trying to make is how ridiculous all these games are. How many limits we put on happiness. We have so much to express, to experience, yet we build walls around ourselves. I know that there are horrible people in this world, snakes and snitches, I know all that. But that`s where it starts. Because we don`t trust, we are forced to doubt. And with doubt, we start to second guess OURSELVES. That`s the worst part about all of this. We all know what we are capable of providing, yet we can`t just let it flow. We have to cage the shit until it`s "safe." By the time you roll into the safe zone, you`ve lost so much time. And that is something that isn`t promised. It`s given, but not promised. I`m dead tired of games, even the ones we HAVE to play; such as not calling someone you`re feeling because it`s not proper. I want to be able to call him whenever I want, yet, society programmed everyone to believe "too much calling" is a RED FLAG. Who the fuck says so?? I could just enjoy the conversations, the humor, the vibe. And who`s to say that is wrong?
I`ve come to a point in my life where I want to love freely again. We all know how that feels. It`s the love we had when we were children. How we loved our favorite blanket--with such freedom. Anytime someone would take it away to wash it, it would break our little hearts. Same goes if that blanket was a doll, or a GI JOE figurine. Whatever it was to you, your most prized possession is how love`s supposed to be expressed. Of course this is just MY opinion and view on this, but I honestly believe this is all true. Like I said before, I want to love without any inhibitions. I want to be able to tell some dude I just met how much I am feeling him. How much he brings a smile to my face when I think about him. Not because I am all in love with his ass, but because I SEE something in him. I see possibilities for us, I see potential. But I am unable to because of the standards of society when it`s regarding love. What`s the "right" way and/or time to express it. There is no exact time when you fall for someone! It may come swiftly or it may take time. But that could all depend on you and how much you allow yourself to feel at a time.
You see, that is exactly what I am tired of; restraints. Putting a leash on my feelings is just not right. I want freedom without having to deal with the bullshit expectations of society. I want to share my love freely, without worrying about what`s right and wrong. Is that so much to ask? You tell me....
peace & hair grease--
nyla
^ I just needed to post that for record. So read, or disregard. I will update later.
God Bless!
<33 nyla | | |
| .. updating.
Aint doing shiz at the moment. In fact just got done stuffing my face. Hehe. I gotta get ready soon so me and moms can get whatever we need to do done soon so I can come home and chiLL. I love chillin, how bout' you? Yea well anyway, I gotta be out. Need to go and get my papa something for his birthday, as well as my neice. So I guess I'll update this bish lata..
Uno.
~Nyla* | | |
| Now that the day is carrying on, the pain is really starting to set in. Why is it so hard to walk away from the person you love? Shit if he would have chilled things could of worked out for us. Being apart from him hurts. Now knowing that I can't call on him when I need to. It fuckin kills me. I imagined it happening one day, never thought that day would come. Now it's here and the pain is unbearable. I feel empty inside. My heart is so heavy. I feel my soul dying. It seems dramatic but that's the way love goes. If you ever been in love, you understand. They say love is pain. And that's the fucking truth. Now I'm left here with nothing but heartache.. and I have to face it all alone.
It could all be so simple / but you'd rather make it hard / loving you is like a battle / and we both end up with scars / tell me who I have to be / to get some reciprocity / no one loves you more then me / and no one ever will..
No matter how I think we grow / you always seem to let me know / it aint working / it aint working / and when I try to walk away / you'd hurt yourself to make me stay / this is crazy / this is crazy..
.. I keep letting you back in / how can I explain myself / as painful as this thing has been / I just can't be with no one else / see I know what we got to do / you let go, and I'll let go too / cause no one's hurt me more than you / and no one ever will..
One.
~Nyla* | | |
|
|
