Tea_n_sympathy's Xanga

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 21:24:00 GMT

"Hi Tea_n_sympathy! It's been 499 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga..."

Turning a new leaf

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 00:47:50 GMT

Sara Groves: Less Like Scars

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel You here
And You're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But You are able
And in Your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel You here
And You're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But You are able
And in Your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need You
And I want You here
And I feel You

And I know You're here
And You're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But You are able

And in Your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 01:06:09 GMT

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 16:16:37 GMT

one week...

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 20:39:06 GMT

Lame life and long nights. Thats all I have to say.

10 days.....

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 14:40:35 GMT

Its avery dull sort of day. I'd much rather be off watching TV or reading a book. But I have to write this paper. Yuck.

Its hard to believe that my birthday is in 20 days. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to do anything. And if I do, what? Meh.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 14:39:10 GMT

All around me I see what weakness has made
Too much tomorrow I think I'll take all today
Am I a poison, Am I a thorn in the side
Am I picture perfect subject tonight

I don't need nobody
I don't need the weight of words
To crash on thru
I don't need nobody
I just need to learn the depth
Or doubt of faith to fall into

Here I slumber to awaken my daze
I find convenience in this savior I save
Am I a prison, Am I a source of dire news
Am I a picture perfect reason for you

I don't need nobody
I don't need the weight of words
To crash on thru
I don't need nobody
I just need to learn the depth or doubt
Of faith to fall into

In this time of substitute
It's my needs I've answered to (All the while)
And the hope that I invest
Still turns to signals of distress (All the while)

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 18:10:48 GMT

We got a Mac.

I Like.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 01:00:46 GMT

I've been thinking...

For all my rantings about how unconnected i feel, and how little i talk to people who used to be my best friends, I've been pretty lousy when it comes to keeping up my end of the bargain. Its not that i dont care. I've been busy like everyone else. But I tend to let "busy" be the scapegoat and pretend that I dont have time for people. When it comes down to it, I haven't wanted to 'spend' the energy on friends. Even I don't know why its this way. Is it just awkward? Is it the fact that i'm socially out of the loop and just don't have anything in common? I honestly cant say.. But it sucks. As bad as I am, i still haven't forgotten about these wonderful people. I miss them. I miss the way things used to be. "Passing notes" with Scott and Renee during Torrey. Writing post-its to Kendall. Play-fighting with Curtis and others and laughing till my smile hurt. Staying up late because there were actually people worth missing sleep for. Now I hardly get on the computer. While I am glad that my life is no longer bound, in a sense, to the computer, I really really miss my friends. I honestly am disconnected. I know its largely my own fault.

It all comes back to the old adage, "If you want a friend, you have to be a friend." The truth is, I haven't been any kind of friend. I haven't been there for the people who needed me, who were there for me when I needed them. I haven't treated others with the care and tenderness that good friends deserve. I've made some big mistakes and alienated people who have tried to help me through them. And now, I'm realizing what I've done, but i really don't know how to change it. I can't go back, and I can't seem to find a way to remedy the problem. How can I change the things I've done? How can I explain to so many people i've ignored, abandoned, and isolated myself from that I really do miss them and I wish things could change. I do, I so wish that I could erase all this history and reunite with those dear people.

The images and fond memories are flooding my head and I'm between laughing and crying because they're so happy but they're gone and I honestly have little hope of rebuilding many of those friendships. If there were something I could do, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But I'm at a loss for words. How can I tell you that I love you and that I still care, when all my actions have shown nothing but indifference? God! I wish there was a way.

What can I do?

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 15:47:15 GMT

"pa·thet·ic: Arousing or capable of arousing scornful pity."

::thoroughly fed up with xanga culture::