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| I am confused
and tired of everything
I sound so emo now.
oh well.
To make a really long story short, I dont understand my heart. And I dont understand other people. And that kills me. i just wish life would be more plesant at times.
I wonder what its like on the other side of the rainbow.
*Bleeding Innocence*
Every smile that shines upon my face,
Time comes by to erase.
Everytime I feel you next to me,
Makes me wonder in another year where you will be.
Your eyes sparkle in my mind,
And the key to my heart you find.
Your betrayal shatters my soul,
Leaving me to believe I could never again be whole.
Abolishing my happiness,
And wishing for ignorance,
As I'm disposed of,
Like a wounded dove.
Bleeding spirit and soul,
Searching for my true role.
Bleeding heart of faith,
Not letting me leave this place.
Atempting to move on,
As I realize you are long gone.
Atempting to smile.
But the wait is worthwhile.
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| Hmm, again my updates...not doing to well on those. but ya. Here is ur dose of drama from me:D
First of all was the wednesday thing where i made mock trial and wish i could have been happy but adam and greg didnt and greg felt really bad and stuff. So that got me down enough as is. Then he actually had the nerves to say "how could you have made it if i didnt?" that got to me...a lot. I mean I know I'm not that smart but still...did he really have to go far enough to be a bloody jackass about it? Well either way, better for me. Helped me get over him:D
And Whitney made me tell Cameron on his myspace in like a message that I liked him and I did... but its only caused me utter confusion. Like...I really like him but I don't think he likes me and crap. But its really odd since he found out we've been talking more, hey maybe it'll strengthen our friendship if nething. Gosh that guy is way too cool.
Neways ya... Ill keep this one short. Night to the imaginary ppl who wont read this:D
-Maria | | |
| OK...well like no one reads this, so lets just let it all out shall we?
NOthing bad i promise
schools in.
Homecoming is coming.
And I feel kinda desprately lonely. Is that normal?
W/E though. Hmm.. I have some pretty cool teachers, my history teacher, mr harrison, is rather hott;) ya u prolly think its gross but ya. he is.
I feel utterly lost... in myself. Yes i know everyone does. But...I cant decide weather i like this guy or not, im trying to convince myself that i dont... but i mean... I keep trying to change myself just to impress him or something...its pathetic. I dunno nemore. I guess I just wish life was simpliar, oh well not gonna happen now is it. Atleast I've changed for the better over the years.
Ugh... what am I saying Im so way in over my head here. I dont know feelings nemore... Im like dead on the inside. I try to block it all so I dont cause drama. I so badly wanna tell him to just ask me to homecoming or something but dont think its gonna happen.
If neone is reading this ur prolly bored and confused, but hell i am too, this is just my way of getting it all out. I just....feel like everyone has got someone or something (a passion of ne kind) but i dont. I cant find nething that even minorly intrests me and just...play along. I speak fast because I want to hide my flaws and insecurities, Seems like now my whole life is just an act. I dont know who I am or who I ever was. I cant remember my past... and dont want to. What has become of me? | | |
| wow... i really used to like greg eh? well i decided to revive this thing.....wish me luck...
Hmm... so First of all.... i am happier now days... had a hard time
getting over greg... hell since no one reads this neways i really did
like him deep down inside from Nov. 1st 2004 till July 1st 2005...long
eh? oh well...hmmm I have been having a weird sumer... Jacob kinda
asked me out told me to think about it... that was bout 2 weeks ago and
i keep screening his calls cuz i dunno what to say... i mean he is 18
doesnt go to my school and doesnt drive... neone see a point cuz i sure
dont...
Im getting back in touch with Laurel friends went ice skating with
michelle on sunday im sry bout that sameen if u read this i love u...
just hadnt seen her for 3 yrs so ya... kinda weird. and adam is now
going out with alex so everyone is happy
long enough entry write bak soon ...hopefully
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| Hello People,
My life is very intresting now days. So many new things. And every day
i just find out more about myself. Things like how much I like Greg. Or
how much my friends really do mean to me. but neways here is a three
day update:
Monday: 4/4/05
Did nothing, bugged Adam and Greg when they were at Legoland for Greg's
now 5-year old brother, Mathew's, birthday. Did nothing else basically.
Texted Sara a lot about the stupidest little things. And planned the
Disneyland trip for the next day. Talked to people online, and Greg and
I realized that we missed our one month anniversary from the thday
before. Then Adam said his Grandma had a stroke and I talked to him
about it.
Tuesday: 4/5/05
A really fun day. Went to Disney with Sara, Adam, and Greg. It
was lots of fun, we saw Taylor and her brother there and we were
supposed to meet up with them, but it seemed like they didnt want to be
with us. But it was still lots of fun, we laughed we joked we did lots
of things!
Wednesday: 4/6/05
Lots of bordom. My mind was out of it all day. The only things I can
remember are wanting to go to the movies and trying to plan it. Also
had a discussion with Adam about some really weird things. And made a
promise to try to be a better person, and to be more optimistic. So I
gotta try to be.
Well I need to go. I need to sleep. Good night.
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