Starbucks with Paul  + Timmy's with Jen + McD's with Harjot  = One of my utmost favorite things to do in life... 

I never knew it would feel this good, to be this close, to feel this safe, with you sitting there across from me...

Thank you for seeking me through...

Love, Terry

What one hopes for and what really is are two different things...

My mind tries to sort out what my heart feels or Is it my heart tries to sort what my mind already knows? Do they go hand in hand? 

Which is more credible?  I fight with it and it fights me back.  Its taunting me...as if its teasing me to my personal threshold until I can't struggle no more, and then bam!  It all becomes clear as day.  Just maybe.

Then life goes on... and I must go on with it...in a content way where tommorow looks promising and bright and I 'eat' life up.  That is where I hope to be.

I want to smile and mean it. 

I'm tired.  Time for my getaway - sleep time. 

Love, Terry

Currently Listening A Rush of Blood to the Head By Coldplay The Scientist see related

With love, my heart defines it entirely.  But with my heart...it makes my mind blur, clouded, foggy, and that is when I can't see straight if at all.  If I could, I would love to use my head more than my heart but what is love without my heart?  Shit...whats one without the other.  The balance is whats tricky.  I am just one of those who feels more than she thinks, I feel before I think, I feel and then I think. Hence, I rely too much on what I feel when my mind sometimes knows better...I  think.  I am constantly at 'war' but the emotions always consume me.  I am literally it's little "Bitch". 

It hurts and I just wish it was over...but at the same time, tearfully glad that I crossed it's path, his path. (How's that for an oxymoron?)  But when the path ends, I am lost. I stand there. Completely lost. 

And this is the time where I know I should use my head most to sort out the whys so that logic & reasoning can lead me to a better place, but its my heart that feels that makes it difficult to grasp & accept it.  Despite how my mind reasons the breakup or tells me the reasons, it never justifies my pain.  And so I end up like a dog chasing it's own tail...running in circles.  Picture that.  A futile 'pursuit', but still I do it.  The things I do... I can go on forever, but I'm tired... Sleep is my oasis. But even sleep becomes difficult.

I wish I can just shut up and get over it.

As for the dog, at least it actually believes it will catch it's tail. 

Coldplay - The Scientist

Currently Listening 9 Crimes By Damien Rice 9 Crimes see related

I don't know what's worst...Having that hope prior and knowing I can't have you, or knowing I have no more hope now and not being able to have you anyway.  Either way, I must let go...sometime...somehow.  I wish I knew how.  It aches me to have to miss you...but the more I do, the more I know its only because I love you so very much...and I always will.  All thats left are the vivid memories but I'll take it...with all my heart.  Thank you for making my heart smile in the way no one else could. 

Each tear that falls is a memory I'll miss about us...From afar, I love you.

Love, Terry

Damien Rice Ft. Lisa Hannigan  - 9 Crimes

The situation is wrong & ugly but the song is still beautiful.  Hauntingly raw.  Rare & unconventional talent.   It moved me to tears and pieces... or maybe I'm just a pansy.