Ok here's the question you've all scene the frog with 8 legs right, or the snake with two heads, all seem to be quite useless and most of the times hindering mutations.... when are we going to have a good mutation, hmmm? If Spiderman has taught us anything it's that mutation = awesome web slinging greatness, and there are no exceptions... Seriously I wanna start seeing frogs with 9 legs...... that shoot lasers or something.  Imagine this, you pick up a regular ol' turtle and instead of it hiding in it's shell like they are sooo used to doing, the thing looks you straight in the eye and says "Hey buddy... C'moooooonnnnnnn" with one of those heavy New York accents.  That’s the kinda stuff nuclear waste should be producing.  Here's a list of some genetic aberrations I wanna see:

1.  Fire Breathing- there needs to be some crazy fire breathing birds, fish monkeys something.. I seriously can't see anything wrong with buying a kitten for your little girl only to find out hey... this little number can barbecue too what a deal!!

2.  Ability to commune with the dead- first off some dogs and cats may already have this, you know that time last night when your dog sat at your back door and just barked.... ancient Indian burial ground... you see your cat on the bookcase staring at the E installment of World book?... disembodied heads.   Well maybe if you had fed them depleted uranium recently but if not they are just regular old meat sacks.

3.  Extra hands... with opposable thumbs- What would an anaconda do with ten digits? how would dexterity improve the life of the revered camel?  My guess is they are just waiting to paint, build, flip the bird, all sorts of wonderful things.  Just you wait, the next dolphin you see will not only save your sorry drowning ass but he'll shake on it afterwards.

These are just some of the wonders that could be possible with animal nuclear contamination.  May haps the human race can even benefit, I know I for one could use an extra pinky finger, you know for those untimely bow tying emergencies.

Well at work I think I have a dedicated person blocking just the sites I go to.... Some crazy firewall nut is assigned directly to me and tasked with tracking all the sites I go to for entertainment and blocking them.  Like some kind of hunter and hound dog, I find the sites I'm not supposed to go to and blamo he blocks them with his buck shot of Internet Security.  More and more my internet is being widdled away and soon I'll just be left with this....

http://www.purple.com/purple.html

Not that I'm complaining I can spend all day with this show stopper.  I know, I know I signed an agreement "Thou shall not enjoy work, Thou shall not try and endure your daily tasks by seeking entertainment on the interweb, Thou shall lock yourself into your cube and cry into the stack of papers sitting next to you as you wish for at least some glimmer of creative outlet, thou shall allow work to suck."  or something along those lines.  Seriously though who reads them, and if they do who takes them serisously.  If I obeyed everything I've signed in the past week, I'd have one foot sent to Bioengineers in Singapore, I'd have to say AOL/Time Warner is my lord and saviour before every meal, and my soul would be in some kind of spiritual sweat shop where they make harps for angels.... I signed that one while drunk.  I mean c'mon I get my work done... once in a while, well at least when I'm not looking for movies of crazy asian dudes playing nintendo theme songs on a piano while hanging upside down killing a starving rat that has been thrown in a burlap sack on his head.  I'll find it one of these days.

Ok kinda posting again I guess maybe sometimes here maybe....

I don't understand why we tip servers (PC) based on the amount the check is... I mean if they serve you gold plated lobster or jelly beans it doesn't matter, they put forth the same amount of effort, pick up tray, carry tray put down tray.  So to pay them based on your tastes really doesn't make much sense.  I think servers should be payed based on three different judging criteria. 

1) Amount of Dishes - More plates, glasses, bowls, silverware = more effort and should equal more money.  I mean wouldn't you be mad if you are carrying out fajitas that require 15 different plates but only netting you a whopping dollar while the server down the way carries out a tini half bowl full of caviar and makes 10?

2) Difficulty of the serve - Just think about it a flaming dessert or a hot dog, slaying a Komodo Dragon and serving it's steaks or mac and cheese who deserves more money..... c'monnnnnnnnnnnn

3) Style - This is my favorite one, plate spinning, flips, sliders all welcome, fire breathing anything to get attention and entertain. I mean how much more would you pay a guy to pull a Hippo out of his customer's ear over the dude that walks up and sullenly says welcome to chi chis my name is douchebag what can i get you to eat....

Basically I want a revolution in the tipping system, maybe we can include score cards, little pencils and a list of what your server can do.... is she a contortionist? Can he sing the entire national anthem in one breath... Things like this, I can't tell you how many times I've thought "Man this eating experience would be soo much better if when I got my food the server had his head half down a lion's throat..."

I have rediscovered a certain liquid that I dare say is the best liquid ever to exist.... ever.  It is in fact tea.  Tea is undoubtedly the best drink fathomable and can quench thirst like no other.  Iced or hot it matters not, ha, it is worth it's weight in diamonds.  Listen to these stats: (according to a lipton lemon original bottle)

70 calories - yes you heard it only 70, you can get more then that breathing the air while passing Mcdonalds for cryin out load....

19g Carbs - perfect for you low carbies out there i mean 19 isn't even twenty this tea still has to use a fake ID to make it from Long Island

Sodium free - well honestly who puts sodium in tea... I sure as hell don't and neither does this tea damn it

And to top it off it is freakin Antioxidizing, yeah, so... you don't rust... EVER!!!  Do you want to Rust? I sure as hell don't this Tea garauntees that you will be 100% rust free for at least two days after drinking it, unless you are made of metal and in that case, you are F'ed. 

From no on I refuse to drink anything else besides this tea... and the occasional alcoholic beverage(not occasional).  This will be the soul provider of my coolant flowing goodness keeping me nice and hydrated.

Remeber guys.... it has no freakin salt in it WOOOOT!!!!!

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