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TheCapturedSoul
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Name: Brent
Country: United States
State: Indiana
Gender: Male
Interests: Getting people to open up and be real.
Using photography/graphic arts to see things from a new perspective. Living life to the full. Bringing glory to my maker. Revealing truth to those who will open up enough to listen. Walking the walk not just talking the talk.
Expertise: Asking questions, seeking answers (although finding them is sometimes rather elusive), photoshop, talking, reading.
Occupation: Graphic Artist
Industry: Arts
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/23/2006
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| Knowing the Dream
Do i Know what i want? Do i know what my dream really is? Do these things i call my dreams really matter? Are they really REAL? Do they mean anything? Are they good for anything? Cause if they are never gonna happen, why should i keep carrying them? That is the point of chasing after a Dream?
I am tired of these questions to tell you the truth, because they have been nagging at me for weeks, always in the inner recesses of my mind, and they just won't leave me alone (and now i am trying to get them stuck in yours, so stop right now and read the questions again)
My problem is stemming from the fact that i know i have a dream, but i don't know what it is. Its this great big unspoken something that crashes within me like a gong and yet when i try and talk about it or define it i can only find fleeting vapors of thought. SOOO freakin' frustrating..... man, i just want to know what to do with this thing called life, i don't think i was meant to waste it, and don't want to, but i frequently feel like i am. I will wake up and be like, "so what am i doing here anyway? Am i really doing anything significant? I know i have a purpose, now what in heavens name is it? ahhh!!! like i already said, frustrating. I hate questions like these, mostly cause once i start thinking them i can't stop. They bang around in my head like an annoying never-ending ping-pong ball. Yeah, annoying..... anyway, i have spent mucho timo and the only thing i have thought of is one conclusion and one thing to do that has been even close to helpful.
My one conclusion: That in reality i am afraid of my dreams, because i know that they are so beyond me that i feel if i even think, pray or talk about them i will somehow make them even heavier, even harder to bare. I am scared that my dream is ridiculous, that it is foolish, that it is truly impossible, that i will be mocked by others when i talk of it. You see i am not worthy of the dream that lies within my heart, i am not great enough to ever see it happen..... i am to weak, even the thought of the dream is to heavy for me, much less the fulfillment of the dream itself.
Ok.... i have one more conclusion: that fear should not be in my life. Perfect love casts that crap out. Fear controls me, and i am a rebel to that kind of stuff. I submit willingly to a controlling Love, but fear is to be resisted. Fear is ever trying to get its poisonous talons into me, it has a paralyzing touch that shrivels the soul. It is the voice that tells us that we are fools for believing in dreams, it tells us to be practical, to prepare for a rainy day, tells us that we need something sure and steady not some impractical out there dream that can never really happen. GRRRR..... those kinds of thoughts have made me MAD, cause they are straight from the pit. It is not that they are bad thoughts, we do need to do those things, the practical things, the steady things, the sure things. The LIAR is smart though, he puts the lie so close to the truth that we are deceived. The danger for a believer is not in the obvious evil, it is in the false good. In the things that come to us "Appearing as an Angel of light", the things that are good, but just a bit off, that is where the greatest danger is.
Man!!! i just came up with another conclusion, but its not thought out enough to write down yet.
The thing i came up to do was this: Starting somewhere around midnight last nigh i picked up a pen, and sent some prayers upward. I wrote my dream down. It didn't make tons of sense sometimes, it was all fragmented, it was written feelings (and feelings don't transfer all that well into words). I am not sure it would make any sense to you if you read it, but it made sense to me. It was hard to write, i felt ridiculous the whole time. But i needed to write it, to say it, it was as if somehow saying it at least got it out of my heart. I don't know how powerful words truly are, but God made everything that lives with them, so they have meaning, words and the speaking of them are and can be powerful.
So that is my practical advice, from my own personal experience. Say the dream, Write the dream. No matter how ridiculous you think it is, no matter how hard it is to explain, no matter how big or small. The first step for me was to just STOP, to stop trying to lug around this big mountain of a dream. Sure i am a spiritual person, so i had put the thing on the altar like a bazillion times, i knew it was to heavy for me, i asked for help all the time. Half the reason mine was a mountain was because i didn't really know what it was, which is why i think my next step was to just write it out and start talking about it. I can't say it is all clear yet, but some of the fog has begun to dissipate and it looks like the mountain isn't as big as i thought it was.
(next note..... Speaking the Dream) | | |
| out of the wildernessso yes i am out of the wilderness of Alaska and will post pictures some time in the near future | | |
| Random picturessince i dont have time to upload to two plazes i will just upload to one. click on the link for stupid pictures
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=9273&l=d501f&id=506167432
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| Brent is chillin' in Cali for a few weeks.. we'll see where he ends up | | |
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