Be Careful What You Wish For

            At the beginning of this month, I set a goal for myself; and that goal was to make this month a turning point in my life. Around the time of the last entry, there was an air of uncertainty surrounding things. I did not know what the future would hold in any respect. I tried my best to be optimistic about things. I made my best effort to make it work in my favor, just like I always had done. Previously, in the midst of chaos, I would be able to just focus on my work and shut out all the negativity, regardless of how thick it was. I remember saying to myself a few months ago, “when in doubt, just work harder”.

            Now, it doesn’t seem that easy anymore. How can I work harder when there is no work to do? How can I focus on something that isn’t there? All of my hard work and dedication has served a tremendous purpose up until this point. Now I must shift my focus inward, instead of the normal outward direction that its been in during the past 3 years. I’ve learned a lot this month, and the many events that transpired in the past 30 days have taken their toll on me. I’m afraid of what might come of this. I’ve been raised to believe in certain basic things that I must do. Society breeds us for it. I find myself now rejecting these ideas, and it upsets me. Everything I’ve been trained to believe is wrong, and I feel like what I’ve come to realize makes too much sense to just ignore.

            I believe in the power of omens. Some strange things happened while I was away recently, and also two weeks prior to that. It’s like I saw these signs, and they were signs of opportunity knocking. Only, there was something very personal attached to them. Both of these opportunities worked tremendously in my favor, and they both fell on a special day for special people in my life. I saw a glimpse of the future on those days, and something deep within my heart told me everything was going to work out, because I was comforted by these little omens all around me.

            Change is difficult to deal with. My change is more like an awakening of sorts. I could never catch a real glimpse of my destiny. I could paint a general picture of what the future holds for me, but it was never specific in any sense. Now every day, it becomes frighteningly clear. There is a lot involved in this. It’s a whole new way of thinking, a fresh and unorthodox perception of people, systems, emotions and events. I’m excited, and I’m ready for it. Let’s see what I can really do!

The Ticking Timebomb

I recall the entry I wrote in August that concerned people’s accountability; or rather, their lack thereof. I’ll admit that there were some positive developments since then, but now it seems that another storm is approaching. This time though, it seems like the people that are in charge know this…and they are throwing us all some life rafts to help us stay afloat. They are being very blatant about it. It’s almost like they are making themselves out to be saints….like they are doing us all some sort of favor. In reality however, I have this gut feeling that I’m going to swallow the bait and hop onto that life raft, and there will be a gaping hole in the middle of it.

I always mocked those who were paranoid. I try not to classify myself as one of those people that feels like everybody is out to get them. I cannot ignore this though. I keep having these deep visions into the future, and sometimes, it doesn’t always look good. I know how people are, and these people are such compulsive liars, that it makes me sick. I have never witnessed anything of this magnitude. The situation is not as promising as they think it is.

Has anybody ever tried to make you feel like they should be your hero? Like they just did something for you that was so awesome, and you should be eternally grateful? The real story is that I had it coming to me all along. When you work your ass off, and live and die for your company, you are entitled to some benefits. Therefore, what I received was not special….it simply was what I earned. Actually, they did what they did because at this point, they have no choice. The competition is scorching right now, and things will only get worse in that respect. I just hope these people realize what they have, and that they quit the bullshit, and start acting like normal human beings.

A Toast

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to propose a toast to the motivated people. Over the past three months, I have seen my friends transform their dreams into reality. They did it the old fashioned way; through careful planning, hard work and a few ballsy moves to boot. I always admired the dreamers of the bunch, and now, that admiration has turned to envy. I remember my days out west, and what the end of every single day felt like, after I told myself that I was 24 hours closer to my goal. It is a truly infectious feeling to know that you are aiming for the stars, and actually getting there! The journey is a great and special one…for it is a journey you created for yourselves. It wasn’t mapped out for you by your parents, and it was totally unexpected by everybody….which just makes it that much cooler! This toast is for you guys….Don’t forget about your humble beginnings, and the struggle that you will endure on the way to the top. May all your hopes and dreams come true!

Tuddy- Lots of great things await you up in the cold country. It was spectacular that you took life by the horns and made this move. Your future is entirely up to you now. There is nobody holding you back, and nobody telling you that you can’t do it. You are truly free to pursue whatever your heart desires, and that is what dreams are made of. Life is yours for the taking….don’t pass up a single opportunity, and if you’re feeling a little anti-social…fear not. For even the most eventful people must retreat every now and again to daydream and formulate the next step in their plan. I doubt two all the way will survive a journey up to Alaska on the Fed-Ex flight, so I’ll just wait until you return. In the meantime, I’ll go once a week…and when I’m finished, I’ll stand outside the door, smoke a cigarette, and wonder what you are doing at the moment.

Adam- Cold Shoulder is a reality…because of you, and your supreme level of dedication to the advancement of your band. You went from just playing in front of the Brothers, to venturing out on a college tour! This is your passion, and in tough times, you rose above the circumstances, and continued to pursue your destiny. A lot of people I knew would have already thrown in the towel. That’s the difference between you and the rest of the world. You stay focused and continue along the path to the promised land. As each day passes, let your talent grow and prosper…and don’t forget about me when you have one of those big tour busses filled with booze and groupies.

Aaron- It was our conversation today that inspired this entry, so this toast goes out to you buddy! And I agree….they should just fire all the non-hackers that can’t pack the gear and serve in our respective fields of employment. It’s not our fault that they have zero motivation and negative productivity. Hahaha! If we ever make the jump to management,  may God have mercy on the souls of the worthless…. for they know nothing about the wrath that awaits them.

Ivette- If I didn’t think that you were going to be the next breakthrough director, then I wouldn’t have fixed your Hyundai!!! Just kidding darling! I just wanted you to think about me every time you opened that door…because you and I are very much alike in so many respects. I have a really good feeling about what you will accomplish in the wonderful world of film. Your true flair and talents have yet to be discovered, and I hope I’ll be around to see it all go down. We still gotta have our movie night…but we cannot watch “Return of the Jedi”, because when Yoda dies….I’ll be crying and blowing snot all over your shoulder. Did I just say that out loud? It’s alright. Everybody knows about my Star Wars weakness!

Giving Thanks

On this Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for, probably more so than ever I think. There are so many things happening in my life, and I feel like they are all leading up to something that could be tremendously spectacular. I no longer grumble first thing in the morning, because I’m too excited to see what will happen over the course of the day. Even amid this slump at work that I recently dug myself out of, I actually enjoyed the struggle. I mean, I was under a lot of stress, and things were not going my way. I even called out one day (which I never ever do). But still, I enjoyed the hell out of the whole ordeal. I feel like I’ve grown leaps and bounds because of it. That’s the point that I’m out. When I lived in Phoenix, I had a vision of what I wanted for myself. I feel like I’m definitely getting there, and faster than I expected. Thank you God for blessing me with all these things. Thank you Mom and Dad for supporting me while I searched for happiness. Thank you Psi Upsilon for finding me and sharing all you had to offer. Thank you Tuddy, Meech, Evan, Aaron, Darrin, Kelly, Dara, Chary and Lorna for your companionship. You guys were there for this whole thing, and that is very special to me. I couldn’t ask for much more. Ain’t life grand?????

Frankie’s Bachelor Party List

This weekend will certainly go down in the books as one of the greatest ever. I don’t think that any words will do it justice, so after all is said and done…a list will be just fine! Here goes nothin’!!!!

-The ride down to AC with my Big Brother…talking about Audis, women and life.

-Amadeo, telling me about his ride down….”Yeah…we fuckin’ drove up north, just to drive south again!”

-Getting down there…and being introduced to old Sal, young Sal, big little Sal, Sally Balls’ brother and Uncle Anthony.

-“What room is this again???...37-30-what?”

-“Security will be here momentarily….the saw six guineas walking up and down the halls with six garbage bags of ice”

-“Nah…the fuckin’ ice machine called it in!”

-“Hey Char-lootz….did you get your corvette yet?”

-“nah….I just got my license back…only a four day suspension.”

-“How many points?”

-“27”

-“How long did it take you to get down here?”

-“20 minutes”

-Watching everybody run into their extended family at the casino.

“Hey….my sister and my aunt are here!!!!!”

-“There must be 12 leather jackets in this group!”

-Getting trashed and watching the Yankees game

-“Fuck….the seventh inning will start around 9am tomorrow!”

-My brutal commentary….

-“Look at this guy….I bet he’s a fuckin’ asshole”

-“Frankie saying…”Mike if you were the commentator…this game would be over in an hour”

-“Yeah! He’s the best value player in baseball….they gave him a 100 grand to play!”

-“Fuck that…they gave him a fuckin’ pack of cigarettes!”

-“Everybody shut up….it’s time to call the girls”

-Big little Sal on the phone with his girl…..“Hey Sal…..let go of that tittie!!!”

-Quoting casino at the roulette table….

-“….hopefully…you’ll be coming out of your coma…and guess what….I’ll crack your fuckin’ head open again! Cus I’m fuckin’ stupid! I don’t give a fuck about jail!”

-“Skimmin’ the skim?? Then whats the point of stealing??? It’s like the Chinese and crazy Russians.”

-“What a minute…the people stealing for us…are stealing from us??? It’s considered LEAKAGE!!!!”

-Frankie on the skywalk…..“Alright everyone!! Huddle up! I’m the least sober of the bunch….let’s meet back here at 8!!!”

-Char-lootz saying…..”Frank…you look like you need another beer.” Or “Frank….let’s do another shot!”

-Playing the quickest blackjack game of my life.

-Me walking into the room and saying….”FUCK! I’m never gambling ever again in my entire life!”

-“Sal’s only 19…is he gonna be able to play??”

-“Hell yeah….he comes here all the time!!!!”

-Almost getting thrown out of the buffet!

-“Can you guys please stop cursing?????”

-“Look at that bitch…fucking miserable cunt looks over here everytime we drop an f-bomb!!!!”

-and her husband was hanging his head when she started walking over!!

-Amadeo taking it all very personally

-“Fuck that…she’s fuckin’ disrespecting my fuckin’ family”

-Our group becoming the most obnoxious and vulgar food critics

-“This steak is like biting into a fuckin’ shoe!!!!”

-“This sucks….I paid 20 bucks to eat a bunch of fuckin’ potatoes!!!”

-“This bacon is horrible!”

-and the waitress saying…”well….I didn’t cook it!”

-Char-lootz saying..“These eggs are like rocks…..but better this way than runny….cus runny eggs run out of your ass!”

-Walking through the casino….”look at this group….it’s like leading the horses to the water!”

-“Alright…this mick is gonna take all you guinea’s money!”

-Everything that happened at the “club”

-and I won’t say anything else….so nobody gets in trouble.

-all I will say…is that Frank walked out with a welted ass, and the rest of us walked out broke….and smelling like 2-dollar whores.

-“I thought it was all done…and Charlie says to keep sitting!”

-Charlie at the table the next day….”To a man….its just the most beautiful thing.”

-“It was perfect…her lips looked like they were glued together!”

-“Alright guys…here’s the story…..”

-“none on Friday….six on Saturday!!!???”

It was all very awesome…and thank you to those that participated. I can’t wait for the wedding!!!