because I'm a sap like that

I can't arrange my thoughts . . . the room smells, don't know why. Went/was in my first Rocky Horror Picture Show on Saturday and because I was a Rocky virgin I had to be "de-virginated" by eating a Swiss Cake Roll off this guy Jeff in my dorm and getting butt-fucked on stage by this girl Jo. But I don't complain. I visited the myspace of the kid who killed himself two weeks ago (www.myspace.com/jloveb) and I don't know what to make of it. I can't empathize with him, but I like his "look," . . . Shannon has a new "look," flaming red hair . . . I went to Silver Spring with her on Sunday and I loved it, but there was something tugging at my heart the whole time because I'm a sap like that . . . because I'm a sap like that I still want to hang out with Andy even though I told my friends and mother what he said Friday at the Perk and they said he was a jerk . . .

I get weird whenever I see him on campus, which is suddenly a lot. I call it the "Alex syndrome" . . . that's a bad name, I don't even use it. I can lock up so bad when I like someone . . .

But I had my last Black Creative Writing class today and when it was over I got into this big discussion about religion and philosophy with some of the guys and it went on for an hour afterwards, so long we even had lunch together. That's what I wanna do in college . . . talk about The World over Chick-Fil-A, fuck coffeehouses and the diabetes my mother's warned me about because it supposedly runs in the family! And I don't know what to buy my family for Christmas . . . makes me a hypocrite because I should know them well enough, and makes me a hypocrite again because I know what I want myself and I'll even ask for it. I lost my Something Corporate pin today and I'm kinda sad . . . I want to buy a shirt now because I know I can't lose it . . . there's one that says "Piano Rock" on it, like the Rolling Rock logo, and I think it's pretty funny, even if I don't drink Rolling Rock, I just like the piano. I'm gonna learn the piano over Winter Break because I have the time and the keyboard's been collecting dust in my basement since 1998. My brother asked for an acoustic guitar for Christmas and my mother and I got it on Saturday.

He wants a guitar. I bet you that's from listening to my music. We're gonna start a fucking band, man. Play all the preschools and make the four-year-olds start a mosh pit.