Today marks the day 10 years ago Jon and I tied the knot on a very sweltering day in Indiana on my parents front lawn and then proceeded to have everyone follow us to one of the barns for our reception.  It was magnificent, and laid back and absolutely one of those perfect days in my history.  I married the man who made me laugh the hardest, took care of me the most, the man who I knew would be an amazing father, the man who had the kindest heart I knew, an amazing chef, an adventurous traveler, the man who I was willing to throw my life in with his life to be intertwined with his forever.  And I have never looked back.

I just rolled over this morning and looked at my husband and said that these have been, hands down, the best ten years of my life.  They have also been the hardest, the most demanding, the most stressful, the most joyful, the most adventurous, and the list goes on.  But what I have experienced over the years is such a deep rootedness and the joy is a deep deep river that is the undercurrent for our life.  It is in a place that romantic love can never match, it is so deep and full that we can throw our stress into that river, we can throw our frustration into that river, we throw our anger in and it keeps flowing, because we throw our love in and it swells, we throw our wonder and amazement in too, along with our idealism that we get made fun of for.  God keeps that river flowing for us.  He made the river and showed us it's existence and filled it up with his steadiness and consistency and his love and delight in our fumblings of life.  I love it. 

I love the fact that I can look ugly in front of Jon, that I can get very full with a baby and he loves it, that I don't have to shower for three days and he tolerates it,  that I dress up and put some makeup on and he notices and appreciates it!  I love that Jon knows my deep, dark secrets and loves me in spite of them.

In short.  I love Jon.

Erin's (my new business partner) boyfriend Mike (who I used to work with about nine years ago) introduced me to Dune.  We had been throwing around Sci Fi titles for street cred and one day I was working over there an in walks Mike with Dune.  I hadn't read it up to this point and next to Asimov felt as if this was one of THE classics of the genre I so adore.  I had a large project to finish up and wouldn't let myself start Dune until I finished.  But I think I will always remember the night that I reverently opened the pages to let myself sink into this book.  I looked up at Jon and said in all seriousness, "This is irrevocable, and is going to change my life, and most likely this will be the year of Dune, and it's what 21 books in the series"  actually it might be more like 16, but I AM SO EXCITED.

Other, not so well known fact is that I like sci fi, fantasy type books.  I read all kinds, but these are my favorites.  One year I read 21 Orson Scott Card books. 

Jon declared he loved me even though I am mostly a dork.

much will be said for propriety and serious sort of living.  choosing to do otherwise puts you outside of a general scope of normalcy.  i like to live on that outer side of the circle.  i appreciate circles, the simplicity and unerring paths they encourage.  walking on the outside of them seems to be the way i find my feet most often taking me.  i feel the busyness starting to ebb, the clarity creeping back into my beautifully muddled head.  and space to explore with eyes open and shut is wide open to me again.

my breath is returning to a much slower, even sort of rhythm that i find is being echoed in my thoughts.  bringing in beauty and mystery are ideals i hold high for my girls, yet still finding myself falling far short of both when bringing them up.  i long to be completely delightedly imperfect.  it is a high hope that is hard to completely enact and maintain.  tomorrow i will teach them to feel trees and smell snow.