TheGreatHodge's Xanga

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:01:12 GMT

I've decided as of lately to embrace my anger, my hate, my disgust, my contempt, my loathing and lastly but greatly, my confusion. Theres alot more emotions im feeling(mostly negative) but to continue on I fear would be redundant.

Why is it that only when we finally shed the things we deem important that we begin to realise how wrong we were. I've been focusing on things, that albeit important, made me lose focus on many of the other important things in my life.

So this is it. This is the shedding of my skin, and like most subjects Tool steals the words from my muse before they can ever reach me.

My shadow.
my shadow
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured in

I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.

I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.

Peace bitches, call me sometime I've got more free time than is good for myself 281-508-6369

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:13:12 GMT

<_<......-_-......>_>

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 20:07:54 GMT

Adrift in satin sky serene

The sun's descent a setting scene

Illuminates the vast expanse

Where lake and stream reflections dance

And playing over mountains low

Daylight fades as shadows grow

The dawn and dusk their romance fleeting

Beckoning, but barely meeting

To revel in their ageless bloom

This courtship of the sun and moon

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 06:33:05 GMT

I don't know why I bother I don't think anyone but ben reads this shit anyway.

I've reached a fork....sort've, More like.....an octupus? I have alot of paths I can go down but never have I doubted myself more. I'm not sure what I'm living for anymore and feel I only do it because it's the only thing I know to do.

I hate apologies. I usually don't care about much so theres never a need to apologize to me really. I feel if someone has truly forgiven you they just want you to be happy again, when you can't forgive yourself it affects the other person more than you know. So please don't apologize to me, all I want is for you to be happy anyway (I mean this to everyone)

No song can ever express this pain, no poems no prose.

I am

And it is my pain, and I must bear it alone

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 14:07:39 GMT

I've been in a musical mood lately, more so than ever now.

Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight
It's 2 am - I'm drunk again it's heavy on my mind
I could never love again so much as I love you
Where you end where I begin is like a river going through
Take my eyes take my heart I need them no more
If never again they fall upon the one I so adore

Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on

One drink to remember then another to forget
How could I ever dream to find sweet love like you again
One drink to remember and another to forget

Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on
One more drink and I'll be gone

You think of things impossible and the sun refuse to shine
I woke with you beside me your cold hand lay in mine

Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll be gone

Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on
One more drink and I'll be gone
One more drink my Grace is gone

Friday, June 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 05:10:09 GMT

I will choke until I swallow... Choke this infant here before me. What is this but my reflection? Who am I to judge and strike you down? But you're pushing and shoving me. You still love me and you pushit on me. Rest your trigger on my finger, bang my head upon the fault line. Take care not to make me enter. 'cause if I do we both may disappear. But you're pushing me, shoving me. Pushit on me. Slipping back into the gap again. I'm alive when you're touching me, alive when you're shoving me down. But i'd trade it all for just a little bit of piece of mind. Put me somewhere I don't wanna be. Seeing someplace I don't wanna see. Never wanna see that place again. Saw that gap again today as you were begging me to stay. Managed to push myself away, and you, as well. If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay, you minimize my movement anyway, I must persuade you another way. There's no love in fear. Staring down the hole again. Hands upon my back again. Survival is my only friend. Terrified of what may come. Just remember I will always love you, even as I tear your fucking throat away. But it will end no other way.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Wed, 30 May 2007 04:44:52 GMT

The End begins(No this is not the name of the song, but for those who care it's called The Last One Alive by Vast)

There's a place, not that far from here
Where people go, when their dreams have died
As I walk, from these faceless streets
I must be the last one alive
Where are you, you're not with me
Numb my mind with a fantasy
Watching people live and die on screen

Where are you, you're not with me
Where are you, I'm free

You left me high and dry it changed me
You lied to me now I am angry
And if the sun comes in your room
And awakens you from your vanity
You won't find me 'cause I'll be
On top a mountain pissing on your grave
Na,na,na...

There's a place from where I just arrived
And I escaped the one last one alive

Where are you
You're not with me
Where are you, I;m free

You left me high and dry it changed me
You lied to me now I am angry
And if the sun comes in your room
And awakens you from your vanity
You wont find me 'cause I'll be
On top a mountain pissing on your grave

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sun, 27 May 2007 18:30:11 GMT

I have nothing of any substance to post, I feel empty at the moment

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Sun, 13 May 2007 23:49:19 GMT

281-508-6454

I may be a hypocrite, but I still dont like cell phones

P.S. I'm going in a direction im not sure is right, down a road unsure of where it's taking me.

Every step I take gives me this funny feeling like I forgot to look where I was putting my foot down.

Don't give up on me, I havent given up on you

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Tue, 08 May 2007 18:37:05 GMT

My biggest fear is the unknown.

The bad thing about that is the more you know the more you realize you dont know.

I've got myself a sticky wicket.