I guess this would be the correct journal to use for the following post

WTF!?  I CAN'T ENJOY ONE FUCKING DAY OFF!?  THIS IS BULL SHIT!  ALL I FUCKING WANT TO DO FOR ONE FUCKING DAY IS WAKE UP, MAYBE PLAY SOME VIDEO GAMES, MAYBE READ...MAYBE EVEN NAP...AND IF SOMETHING GOOD'S ON TV, THEN TO WATCH THAT TOO...AND THAT'S IT...THAT'S ALL...NOTHING MORE!  SO, TODAY STARTED OUT ALRIGHT.  I SLEPT, I WOKE UP, I TALKED TO MELISSA IN THE MORNING...FIRST THING I DID WAS PUT BBW TO TAPE, WHICH QUITE HONESTLY WAS A LONG BORING PROCESS, BUT I FIGURED AFTER THAT I COULD ENJOY MY DAY.  OF COURSE, BEFORE THAT MY DAD COMES HOME EARLY TO INSULATE MY SISTER'S ROOM SOME MORE, AND HE NEEDS ME TO RUN UP AND HELP HIM EVERY NOW AND THEN, SO FINE!  NO BIG DEAL!  SO I TAKE A SHOWER AND EAT, THEN HE NEEDS ME, SO I GO HAND HIM A FEW THINGS.  THEN I'M JUST RELAXING AND HE NEEDS ME TO TAKE SOME STUFF, SO I DO THAT...FINE!  THEN I START PLAYIN' MY FOOTBALL GAME AND I'M TRYING TO DO THE WHOLE 2001 SEASON THE WAY IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, BUT THEN I LOSE SO I HAVE TO REPLAY THAT WHOLE GAME, BUT OF COURSED I'M TICKED ENOUGH ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY SCORED THE LAST PLAY OF THE GAME...ERR! BUT IT'S JUST A GAME, SO WHATEVER!  THEN I TRY TO TAKE A NAP, BECAUSE I'M TIRED AND IRRITATED AND WHEN MY MOM AND MY SIS GETS HOME MY SIS COMES BARRELING DOWN AS ALWAYS TO BUG ME AND WAKES ME UP AND RIGHT AS SHE WAKES ME UP, MY DAD NEEDS ME, SO I HAVE TO FUCKIN' GET UP AND HELP HIM AGAIN.  SO, I COULDN'T EVEN GET A FUCKIN' NAP...NOW I'M JUST FUCKIN' GROUCHY AND I HAVE TO SHAVE AND CRAP AND GO TO GRANDMA'S WHICH ISN'T BAD AT ALL, BUT I WISH I WERE GOING ALONE SO I COULD JUST GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM PEOPLE...OH, AND OF FUCKING COURSE WORK CALLS FOR SOMEONE TO WORK 5-9 WHICH I WOULDA DONE, BUT I WASN'T ABOUT TO MISS OUT ON DINNER AT GRANDMA'S PLUS WRESTLING'S ON AT 9...SO, TODAY I DECIDED THAT WEDNESDAY BEING MY NEXT DAY OFF, I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!  IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET PEACE...AND YOU KNOW WHAT?  I'M WILLING TO BET MONEY THAT GOING OUT ON WEDNESDAY I'LL GET STUCK BEHIND EVERY SLOW DRIVER AND GET PISSED OFF AGAIN ANYWAYS.  IF SUE AND MELISSA WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE COMING UP THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKENDS AND THE SUPERBOWL WASN'T THE FIRST OF FEBRUARY, I THINK I'D JUST DRIVE DOWN THERE FOR SANITY'S SAKE.  GOD DAMN, I CAN'T EVEN BLOW MY FUCKING NOSE OR TAKE A FUCKING NAP ANYMORE...I ALMOST WISH I GOT THE FLU SO PEOPLE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!  AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'VE NOTICED?  I REALLY HAVEN'T BEEN ALL THAT HAPPY THIS WHOLE FUCKIN' YEAR...WHY?  BECAUSE I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH PEOPLE ON A DAILY BASIS!  I NEED SOME FRIENDS SO I CAN GET AWAY ALL DAY AND HAVE A GOOD FUCKING TIME!

Well, Happy New Year to everyone...NOT

OK, I  have a lot of crap ripping away inside me now, and I did get rid of some of it the way I always do...anyways here it goes.

First off is something that happened a while ago, but I'd like to get it out of the way before the more current crap.  This kid in Wakefield, MA...who Jenn and Josh happened to know and be friends with...caught on fire one day.  What is the first thing you learn to do when you catch on fire? (and even Lauryn knows this)...YOU STOP DROP AND ROLL.  OK, so the kids on fire and what does he do?  He runs.  I can make up enough excuses in my mind to grant him the he was panicking and didn't think of it.  However...if you're going to run around in a ball of flames, where is the last place you want to run?  Anyone?  INTO YOUR HOUSE!  So, the kid runs into his house, burning the house down and killing him.  Now, I know it's a tragic story, I'm not saying it's not, but....COME ON!....Moving on

SO, TODAY...WE'LL START OFF WITH THERESA AND ASHLEE!  SO, I'M SITTING ONLINE, BORED AS ALWAYS AND ASHLEE COMES ON.  SO, I IM HER AND TURNS OUT SHE'S STILL CHILLIN' WITH THERESA AT THE TIME.  SO THEN THERESA DECIDES THAT IT'S HER PLACE TO JUMP DOWN MY THROAT ABOUT TALKIN' TO ASHLEE AND MAYBE CHILLIN' WITH HER SOMETIME.  NOW KEEP IN MIND THAT I LOVE MELISSA AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT, AND ON TOP OF THAT, ASHLEE IS NEITHER "MY TYPE" NOR OLD ENOUGH FOR ME!  SO, NOW I CAN'T HAVE FRIENDS?  AND THERESA GOES OFF BEING IMMATURE AND CONTRADICTING HERSELF ::YAWN:: HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA.  AND SHE'S NOT EVEN IN HIGH SCHOOL!  BUT WHATEVER!  ASHLEE, IF YOU READ THIS, YOU CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH ME, BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE MY FRIEND.  IF YOU'RE GONNA BE THERESA'S LITTLE PUPPET, THEN YOU'VE LOST ME AS A BIG BRO...AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT SHE CAN'T BE YOUR BEST FRIEND, I'M JUST SAYING DON'T LET HER CONTROL YOUR LIFE...ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN SHE LOSES SIGHT OF HER OWN LIFE.  I'M THROUGH WITH THERESA...I HAVE BEEN FOR A LONG TIME, AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO GET INTO ANYTHING WITH HER.  I'D HATE TO PUT YOU IN THE MIDDLE OR ANYTHING, BUT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE FRIENDS WITH BOTH OF US.  DON'T GET ME WRONG, IF WE'RE IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME, I'M PERFECTLY FINE WITH THAT...FOR AS LONG AS SHE'S NOT TAKING SHOTS AT ME!...NOW I DIGRESS

MELISSA!  THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT, AND I STATED IN MY PROFILE THAT NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY IS SAFE!  MELISSA, I STILL LOVE YOU FIRST OF ALL AND I'M NOT ANGRY WITH YOU, I'M JUST DEEPLY HURT THAT I DIDN'T GET TO TALK TO YOU TODAY, AND THE REST OF MY DAY DIDN'T HELP THAT ANY!  WHAT WERE YOU DOING ALL DAY?  YOU WEREN'T BY YOUR CELL, YOU WEREN'T AT HOME, AND WHEN YOUR NEW NAME WAS SIGNED ONLINE, YOU DIDN'T RESPOND.  AFTER I FINISH THIS POST I'M GOING TO READ YOUR DIARY AGAIN, JUST TO REMIND MYSELF THAT YOU LOVE ME...AND ALSO TO REASSURE MYSELF THAT I LOVE YOU!  YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS BEING SO FAR AWAY.   I just started crying for the record, and if I only cried before because I made myself...well, this time it's real and natural...not forced.  MELISSA, I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU, SO I KNOW YOU'RE ALRIGHT.  I feel so insecure right now...I'm going to read your diary again...I'll probably post there too.

I AM CRYING AND THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST DAY OF THE YEAR...ALREADY