This morning I woke up sick..... ugh didn't do anything the rest of the day really.
Tonight I went to this "concert" at the church I am in the play with. The band was really good.
Do you know what the most frustrating this is? Really truly figuring out that you can never really fit in anywhere because of your weirdness. I can't help it. I don't want to be fate and and act like everyone else. I want to be me, but it seems like I will never have "me" group of friends. I mean online I know plenty of weird people like me but never in "real life".
Man, Josh and the guys are getting together a band and I sooooooooo want to be in it. But I mean, I know that most of the guys want to sing and play whatever and will not want some dumb weird girl to do the singing. And then I know that most of the other girls in the church that I know will want to sing too, but then if more than one girl sings,the guys dont' want to play for them.....ARRRRRR!!!!! Why does life have to be so frustrating???????
Then (yes there's more), I don't know about my trip. I thought that God wanted me to go on my missiosn trip to S.A. btu when NO $000000 come in, what am I to think?
Lat night wasnt the best either. I was just so tired and I felt just so self conscience. In the hot tub (for my Baptism) I slipped and splashed some little girls and I just felt so dumb. I mean sure it was special and all that, but still. I feel so shallow saying all this because it really shouldn't matter, but it does......
Why does God allow so many crushes? Really, I mean, why can't you just fall in love with one persone instead for feeling that you might like some guy and then the next week someone else and so on so forth. Why can't it be one? and you know that that one is who you are goign to marry and be happy with forever and ever???? WHY!!!! I HATE BEING A GIRL! I don't really like being treated like one either. Don't get me wrong, I like it when guys open the doors or give up their seat for me because of the fast that I am in fact a girl, but when it get to things like football etc.. when they don't throw the ball to you when your in a good spot to score but instead they throw it to a guy WAYYYY far away who couldn't get it if his life depended on it. ARRRRRRRR!
Anyways, I know that you don't want to here me rant all night.... I will come back with good things to level out all the weirdness, if thats possible right now, later... | 
life is just no fun when you're sick.
lol. you'll be ok, its those others who don't fit in with you, not the other way around. you'll find your "you group" soon enough, but they'll never find you if you aren't you. My quote of the month by Dr. Seuss is "Be who you are and say what you mean, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Just be yourself, its who God made you to be afterall. The fact that you don't have a "you group" yet just means that you are special, jest a bit different than most other people. Maybe it'll take a bit longer to find your niche in this world, but best things in life are worth waiting for. I know it seems like I have a definate "me group" going on from what you can see on my xanga, but its taken me a while to actually be me. but once I did I found more and more people who the real me would want to be friends with. Really, its better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not, but chances are, there are plenty of people ready to love who you really are 
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) Xanga readers.