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| im here. saw a magician last night, fucking amazing i have to say. did voodoo. very cool. i meet this really cool girl, im partners with her in childrens lit. she was she has add and she once was addicted to coke. she is a freshman too and into art. she was in my pre term. i was thinking about it and most people would get weird or think down on her about being a coke head, but i think that is the stupidest way of looking at it. one, who am i to judge her and plus look at her now, she was a addicted to coke (crack up a notch) and is now a fucking freshman at alma college planning out being a computer science major and making fresh web sites. if anything she is a hell of a lot stronger than a lot of nonsense too uptight to wear the same clothes twice. If anything she deserves a lot of respect. and she has add and is having a problem with it but is still doing her thing. she weird and scattered brained, she kinda reminds me of myself just more cracked out. Naz, i think you have adhd, most people ive met here with just add get distracted but arent hyper and you are definately always going. WHY WE LOVE YOU, but still, i just was thinking about that. you amazing girl you. | | |
| wow. just got back from a party!!! soooo awsome. bill said he loved me!!! he was high and drunk but still!!!!!!! hahahahahha tommorow is going to be just as great, i can tell. | | |
| well i have broken three cd players since i have been here. yaaaa. oh well. kelly and i have been getting along really well this semester. she is not as uptight as i thought. been to a couple parties, a lot have been closed though so not as many as i would like. i really think im going to join a soroighty next year. really, it is sooo socially benefical and everyone says its worth it. my friend here emily joinned one and it is amazing how many cool people you meet when you do and everyone has said it is worth it. i remember thinking it was so silly joinning one and now that i have seen what it is like more, i think it is a really good idea. i still have been seeing a lot of that bill kid. my thought process is turning more to just being friends and how he isnt worht the stress adn and all this stuff but i still cant help myself. i want to be friends and i think he does too. he even asked me today to call him to hang out. i just am soo stupid sometimes. you guys would like him, but you would say just be friends. so far, i am. he has some issues. and basically, he is a dirty hippie, but i cant help it. it is just the first time i have ever been interested in a boy that enjoyed me as a person and i actually talk to him on a regular basis. its scary, and i get nervous sometimes but it isnt too bad. i just, get insecure easily. but he is nice and easy to talk to for the most part. and he seems to not mind me. i hope he doesnt feel like we need to be friends just because im helping him out with our class. oooooooooh. oh well. no, if that doesnt work. if he didnt like me he wouldnt ask to hang out. yes. okay, see stupid girl i am. its always after i see him that i analyze shit that i said. but during i just, i am kinda shy and i have ALWAYS held back in unfamilar situations. but i am worth getting to know, you just need to get me more comfortable. and i do talk and joke. i guess i just wish I HAD NO INSECURITIES!!!! NONE, bye bye. no more. i am perfectly happy with every bit of me. no one is truly like that. it would be nice sometimes though, yes? alissa, i saw all those pictures. i love the two new ones. i really think the nazzie one turned out great though. we're putting lights around our room. i dont know if i told you guys but we put construction paper up and we're drawing on it. next is the lights. its hard to find time to though. I COME HOME IN TWO WEEKS.WELL, FRIDAY NEXT WEEK IS OUT LAST DAY OF CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow
i am almost home my lovers. i miss you all. | | |
| well i think it is about time i update this thing. i have been trying to exercise and eat better. i feel better. there are so many reasons why exercise is so good for you. makes you more energtic, relieves stress, makes you happier and feel better about yourself. a couple people (including my mom when she brought back my computer) say i have lost some weight. that makes me happy. im not killing myself either, for the first time i exercising and eating better not just to loose weight but just too feel better and help me be healthier and more positive. i can tell the difference. so far classes have been pretty okay, psych, art, math and children's lit. im going to go read to middle schoolers on friday. should be interesting. on saturday theta chi had this mic night thing, where from 10-1 people can go up and read stories poetry or sing songs. it was interesting. one of the most beautiful guys plays the drums so fucking well i nearly had an orgasim. hehe. oh, i found someone else to smoke pot with. her name is heidi and she is very cool. emily was the only other person i could get to do it with me but she only wants to do it at night and she is also talking to her boo every night. so alas, smoked the first night i got back up here and not since! its gonna go bad soon. im gonna call heidi, she'd be fun to do it with too. MY BOWL FUCKING BROKE. my parents came up yesterday and i was rushing around cleaning and i took my blue bad out of my coat pocket and the bowl fell and smashed like 5 min before they came up!! i was freaking out but no worries. but, i guess if i do every smoke it im gonna have to use those old fruit paps (remember elizabeth?) emily and i have gotten very close. its nice, its nice too have a particular person here that you can say anything too and do anything with. she would be like one of you guys. i have gotten closer to other people here, it is nice, but i have been thinking about it. some of the people i talk to i dont really like and i dont care about. i can name 5 people i talk to a lot that i would be happy not seeing for the rest of the 4 years here. i think, i like i having friends here but i always have it in the back of my head that i dont need them. but yet i do, i messed up with you guys i think. i guess it was going to happen. i mean, even if i called every day, what would that do? we would have nothing to talk about. i mean, when im there, we do have great discussions but so much of what we do is hanging out, or goofing around (i mean so much of it is being active not necessarily talking about little details during the day.) im not BY ANY MEANS saying i dont want to be friends i am just writing my thoughts out. i love you guys. that is part of why im not closer to people here, i know it is. the ironic part is i dont call that much but at the same time, it isnt the same. im still going to call but i dont know. i like seeing and being with you guys. i just hope all three of you know i do still love you and miss you. | | |
| well im home again!!
It was amazing. that is all i have to say. it was wonderful, I had a couple of hot flashes during it cuz i was worked up!!! It was soo exciting, even when that fat ass guy couldnt wait 2 min and stepped in my fucking popcorn!!!! bastard. anyway. im working at 5 and i dont care. beth and i have to decorate the tree. my mom called this morning and told me that i need to do all this stuff and i cant help but think, i am 18, i think i know i need to look at the class list for next term. you dont need to tell me i need to or when i am suppose to. but then, if i dont, its you shouldnt procrastinate and every time i see her she will ask me if i did it. whatever. i have to go decorate | | |
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