Wow, the summer is already wrapping up.  It's seriously scary how fast time is moving for me the last few years;  I feel like I'm running out of time to move on with my life.  By the time I graduate and have a job I'll be 28, and it seems like 40 is right around the corner of that :/  40...is the age my parents were when I was in middle school.

I was at Noodle the other week with Sung, and her friend was talking about how some guy at 26 was sooo old.  And for about five minutes I was spazzing out with the realization that I'm turning 28 in a few weeks!  Then I realized I was only turning 27, which seemed infinitely younger, and I calmed down :P  I'm also attending my friend's 30th birthday party on Sept 2, so... go figure, so much for feeling old.

Tritely(in that this is far from a novel or unique idea, in fact it's you see it on Xangas all the time), "so little of the summer turned out as I had planned."  (In actuality it's perhaps a novel occurrence in MY life though :P as for the majority of the earlier portion of the last decade everything pretty much fell out as I foresaw and planned.)  "So little that I planned to accomplish happened."  Internship, hardcore workouts...
But, those goals were replaced by a lot of time spent contemplating, which resulted in a final, and complete, return in some important ways to where I was at the start of freshman year of CMU.  (This is where I said on facebook that I was changing.)  I also spent a lot of time working out , if not as much as I wanted, so I'm well started on the road toward my sixpack, after which achievement Henry and I will happily become fatasses +P

So, all in all, a pretty good summer.  Right?  Unfortunately, it seems I've continued evolving past that point, and in a direction that I don't want to go :(.  So, things are kind of a mess right now, and my current state is pretty well described by what you wrote in your recent entries.  Minus the part of everything looking good on the surface.  Hah.  Mh... can't go on, or edit the above, since I need to stop now and go about making some of those things end up good at least on the surface if not more so :1

bup.
Just to be clear:
So, when you ask, "how are you doing?"  The answer is, I'm doing very well.  but practically speaking, I feel very lonely and blah often as a result of that situation with the girl.
And while being lonely sucks - well remember when we had that discussion during Henry St. and I was talking about the beauty of grief, and experiencing it and such?  Well so even tho it sux, there's a lot of that involved too for me, so it's not all bad.  But yeah in fact, I end up feeling shitty often in this case, and in these days :)

To say some more stuff about how I'm doing.  I'm also don't put "stock" these days into certain values that were of utmost importance to me during CMU.  By which, you know that I mean identifying myself with respect to my friends and bonds, and putting those as my primary concerns.  It's a very scary and disconnected feeling for me, after so many years of leaning on that, and so far I have not found something else that's even worthwhile to put "stock" into, much less test it to see if it can be consistent enough to support moving me forward.  That, more than the situation with the girl, and more than anything else, I guess is the issue I'm dealing with right now and what's making things "bad."

Though at the end of the day the reason in my mind that I feel shitty is because of that girl and feeling lonely :)