|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Stress kills...Hey..so its been quit some time again...scary that I even remember this site. I just know i seem to come back to it everytime I fuck something up and piss someone off. Its like its my little get away from my problems....only thing is it doesn't fix my problems at all. I need to just shut up sometimes..I just wish i had put some things in to better words when saying them. I think I need to just leave. I don't want to......I love him so much it would hurt so bad...and its not just me I would be affecting anymore. I just don't know what to do....I just want it to all be simple again. | | |
| I just started thinking about something again. I thought I was getting better, but apparently I'm still just as bothered as I was before...well no not as much cause I can get in under control shortly after i loose it. I thought it was supposed to get easier as time went by. I thought I was supposed to be able to think about her without crying...I was supposed to be able to think about him not tear up and wish I could have met him. I'm supposed to be able to talk about them with out later getting bummed out because of it. I simply rolled over and saw the picture and I got sad. I was all happy and talking and playing and a simply glance sent me back to this. I want to beable to think about it and be ok with it... I don't want to be sad everytime I think about it....I want to remember her and think of all the good times and not just think about the missing her. I want to think about what I've been told about him and not constantly think how unfair it is that I never got to meet him and be jealous of everyone that got to know him and see him and get one simply hug from him. I just want that chance. I know I'm being silly, but Its ok for me to just wish for it. I suppose be simply wishing this I make it worse for myself. I just wont seem to let myself let it go. I'm as happy as I could ever be with everything in my life right now and even then I find away to make myself sad. I'm such a sad and pathetic person. I can't let myself be happy. I know that she went to be with him and I just want her back. I wanted her to stay and see me graduate, I wanted her to stay and see my children. I just wanted her around. I still want her around i still wanted her to be her to see all that. No matter what I do I can't have that. I miss her. I want her here with me. I want her to be back with all of us. I want to see her smile. I want her to yell at me for acting just like my father. I want to hear her talk about what everyone was like when all my aunts and uncle were growing up. I just want her back. I want her to have never of left. I want to know what would change if she were still here. Would i still have been so screwed up in high school? Would I have followed through in all my dreams and hopes. Would I still ended up right were I am. I have the love of my life, even if its a messy situation. I'm happy, but I still miss her. I can never go long without thinking of her..or even him, but she stays with me. She will always be there. I may never let myself get passed it for the fear of forgetting her. She was so special. I love her so much and I don't want to forget her. I wont let myself forget the pain of loosing her. I seem to let it shrink. Its not as bad as it was, but I can't let go anymore. I'm scared too. If I let the pain go anymore...I may forget.....I can't do that...I wont... I can't... I will never I don't care how miserable I make myself...I wont let go. I would rather suffer then even remotely risk it... | | |
| Jealousy is an amazing thing...So i guess I have more of a jealous bone then I thought I did... I never thought I was like that to the extent of this..... I got really jealous for nothing...well maybe for something but I don't think it should have been so enraging....grrr men... I don't even want to go there again or I will be all pissy~!~ | | |
| How do you say something to someone if you are scared they are going to take it the wrong way. I don't want him to think one thing, but I want him to think something. I just don't know if i should just leave it alone or see what goes on. I know one part of it is a waste..and was done and over a long time ago, but I want to see if maybe something new could come of it. A fresh start...a friendship for once. | | |
| How's it goin?Hey all,
Hows it goin? Is anyone still out there? I seem to have disappeared and ended up loosing everyone in the process~!~ If any form of intelligent life still exists hit me up~!~ My life is back for awhile...help me find what it was~!~ I forgot what real fun was with just working all the time~!~
Ashlie | | |
|
