A Senior (what?)

Oh College, You’ve broken my heart more than once by now. Thank-you. You taught me how to be completely content in my misery. Of sitting alone. For seven straight hours at a time. Writing pages and pages of brilliant crap. (By the way, I am still in awe of your awesome power that makes that even possible.)

Oh College, you taught me to be happy, because it is today. If I always dream of tomorrow, I will never enjoy today, and I will never enjoy tomorrow, when tomorrow becomes today, because I will still be waiting for tomorrow. You also taught me that great philosophers and poets ONLY write at 3 A.M., because that guarantees the greatest possible failure to formulate any coherent thoughts and express them grammatically or logically. (So, College, I am writing this at 3 A.M.)

Oh College, you heartless pig of a master. Only until after I got a real job did you reveal that grades are virtually useless. A degree is still a piece of paper, and experiences still resemble a real job more than the classroom.

Oh College, you’ve destroyed my life, shattered my dreams, and recreated me in your own image. And, I can’t remember enough of my own thoughts from four years ago to determine if that’s for better or for worse.

Oh College, you’ve wasted four years of my life, and it scares me to think these might have been the four best. 

Cheers,

Kyle

PHC's Newest Tabloid

Well, it was only a matter of time... Props to the creators of the Patrick Henry Enquirer for providing yet another outlet for PHC gossip:

 http://patrickhenryenquirer.blogspot.com/

Golden Spam

This is an absolutely wonderful bit of spam that I received in my inbox today.  I am generally not in the habit of reading these emails, but for some reason I was compelled to do so in this case. 

Anatrim – The very up-to-date and most delighting product for corpulent people is now easily available – As could be seen on BBC

Do you realize that excessive body kilos kill a plenty of people around the planet? We know that you hate the unsightly appearance of people like those and the social stigmata attached to them. Or, maybe, you’ve not the will to withstand an assault of baneful eating habits of yours. Does it sound familiar? Then we have something for you!

Here comes Anatrim, the later product for the elimination of your body’s extra weight. The astonishing thing about Anatrim is it improves the quality of your life by making you crave less food and always cheering you up. Pay you attention to some e-mails from our customers:

"This is wonderful! Instead of always glutting myself with food and watching TV constantly I became rather more interested in doing exercise. Anatrim made me take a step up. I am more fit now and lots of men follow me with their eyes!"

Amely S., San Diego

"I tried some passive weight losing, you know, but all came in vain. This terrible appetite would just rush in and spoil everything. One day I was told on Anatrim the media by and I was really effected at the information. I had tried to take it, and my wife said I had changed for the better since then, 4 months later. 33 pounds have gone away and it is not a limit! And you know, I’m an impetuous lover again."

Serge Smith, Boston

Anatrim gives you an opportunity to realize that you got no such great need for the constant eating. It raises your spirit up, provides you with energy, and attacks useless kilos. Great thanks to its powerful distinguished formula!!

Crepes of Goodness

Dear Dean Corbitt,

This is why I live off campus....

Hugs and Kisses,

Kyle

The Scriptural Basis for Our Honorable Duty

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church appropriate authority figure (ie. RA, RD, or Dean) so that he might be suspended or fined; and if he refuses to listen even to the church appropriate authority figure, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Matthew 18:15-17

-Anderson