In several hours from now the car will be packed full of my belongings. I will be on my way to live in Ennis. I left Ennis four years ago and never looked back. The town where I was captive was to be one of those blackout periods that I would forget I had lived through. It wouldn't be a part of my life. Those five months weren't real, they weren't mine. The damage I suffered would be with me wherever I would go, but the memories would die with my jailor. For four years I would be relatively free of Ennis. But tomorrow I will be in it. In Ennis. I want to resist the force that leads me back there, but the force is me. The woman who once controlled my life in Ennis does not have authority over me now. I am not under her mercy. But in a daze, I accepted an offer of aid from her. There is no other explanation for my actions. I was in a DAZE. Now I will follow through with the committment I made. If I don't my word will be widely discredited. To back out would screw her over. Former tormentor or not, I will have no hand in her affairs and negatively effecting them. Did I actually think that I would accept her aid and that would be the end of it? For heaven's sake! I will be residing in the same apartment complex as her. Was I so desperate that I would consent to this foolery with hope that, though indebted to her, I would live independently and not in accordance with her life or wishes? I do not know the answers to my questions. I do not remember what I was thinking or what I wasn't. To have her so near my life is one of my deepest fears, if not the deepest. I have been trying to distract myself from thinking about what will come from this. I do not want to think about it, and yet I fear that if I do not prepare myself and strengthen my emotional guard, I will know the same anguish and misery once before associated with her and Ennis. I feel as though I am the same girl I was four years ago;  not any better off to protect myself, to save myself. I am gripped by fear.

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