We'll all go our separate ways someday, whether we like to think about it or not. I pondered this while talking to some friends on a voice chat. Yeah, internet friends, but still friends, nonetheless. I couldn't help but feeling bad and kind of sulky about it. We're really close. We say all the cheesy "I love you"'s. We stay up with each-other until the sun comes up. We laugh with each other, talk with each other, and cry with each other. Just the three of us and our microphones.

But life has a way of picking things apart. I know it's not good to doubt or to think negatively, but I can't help but running through scenarios of us drifting apart. I know it'll happen sometime, and I know I probably won't be able to stop it. "Best friends forever" never seemed like such a lie.

Then I came to thinking, after I finished sulking in my "emo corner": is this what life is about? Building relationships, jobs, money; then watching it all pull a disappearing act on us. It seems like this is what life is about. We do it all the time as humans. We make friends, then move on. Repeat steps 1 and 2 infinitely.

I used to know a person who said the most depressing line I've ever heard from a child's mouth. "I'm only here to pick up the pieces and move on; it's all I'm good for, so it's all I do." It was a post-breakup, heartache induced line, but it certainly shocked me. But maybe there was truth in that simple, childish, depressing line.

I like to think otherwise.

As I walked the dark streets of my neighborhood, my mind fell onto the people inhabiting it. My small neigborhood is no treat for the eyes, or any other part of the body, for that matter. But people still function accordingly with their schedules and to-do lists day to day, just as the rich do up in the gated communities. How do they do that? I wonder if there's just something wrong with me. I find it so incredibly difficult to follow the same routine every day, week after week. Not only does it bore me to tears, but it really just takes the spark out of life. I know what's going to happen tomorrow, and I know what's going to happen next week. It's no shock to me. I get up in the morning, I wear the same uniform, I do my eye makeup the same as I have for almost a year, etc., etc.. Yet these people seem to do it with no objections. They continue their lives just as they have for the past 5 years, with a few minor changes. The world keeps spinning, and they do with it. I trip up every time I see another suit taking his morning coffee and suitcase out to his car at 7:25am, sharp. I feel like if I ever ended up that way, I would just die. Are these people happy? Or are they helpless, at the mercy of what the calender reads?

But the world keeps spinning, whichever option it is that applies.

Where has self confidence gone? Insecurity is increasing about as much as gas prices these days. Seems like anorexia, bulimia, and all that other bull shit is becoming the only way for girls to have some self esteem these days. Yes, I'm talking mainly about the age group that I am a part of, but only because I have the best scope of this group. I've written a few story-ish things about this recently, but I just can't get over this topic.

I understand folks are always insecure. Everyone is at many, many points in their lives. But why does everyone find the only alternative to be taking it out on their bodies? Let me tell you, guys don't want to feel your cheekbones jabbing them in the face when they're making out with you. It's not sexy, and I assume it's probably painful. There's stuff everywhere about this, and yet there are still loyal followers of this anorexia craze. It's like a religion now. Starve yourself enough and you'll reach enlightenment? Unlikely, in my opinion.

Having just been through some, let's say, "stuff" recently, I fell prey to this obscured sense of self image (bloating doesn't help, but hey, different subject). My confidence was suffering, so I didn't have lunch a couple of days. It was like I couldn't be happy and flirty unless I was so starved that my elastic sweatpants were sliding off my bum. Sickening thoughts, ain't they?

I'm not a guy, but I hear every guy likes a girl with confidence. Starving yourself, for a lot of people, is a way to acquire such confidence... but upon trying it myself, it does nothing for your self confidence. It's not pretty, it makes you feel like shit, and it's not healthy. Simple, no? Then why keep doing it?

I simply cannot understand why a person would pledge loyalty to destroying their own body. It's just... so confusing to me. If you're one of these lovely girls with this lovely disease, maybe you can explain to me. And I'll wade through all the responses about eating disorders and how it's not their fault, blah, blah, and blah. I've been there, I've been through it. But there are so much more FUN ways to get your confidence up. Personally, I go take a shower and bathe in the most luxurious bath soap I can buy from the dollar store. It works for me. Some will argue that their precious size 00 jeans are their way. But, I ask those folks, how do you feel when they get a little snug? My way of getting myself back to 100% may seem odd and ineffective to some, but I sure don't go cry myself to sleep when I can't go soak myself for an hour or so.

[/rant]