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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Sick and Tired

Yes, the headline says it all. I am sick and tired of all the crap. My sister Vicky got herself into a lot of crap and is blaming it on me. She is the one who decided to go and hang out with someone that the parents don't like, and they don't like him, because of her, and yet I'm the one to blame for her getting in trouble. I just got ganged up on by her and my brother on the back porch when I went to go smoke a cigarette. She said I got what I wanted that she is kicked out. For one I have heard nothing about her being kicked out, for two that would be the last thing I would want for her anyways. Two she said that my best friend was talking crap about me behind my back, so I'm going to have a talk with him tomorrow. I'm so tired of being torn down everytime I turn around. Granted I know that I'm not perfect and that I've done a lot of things in the past that I'm not proud of, but I am not that person anymore and I shouldn't be treated like I am. Its a load of crap. She sat there and was calling me a drug addict, cutter, and anything else she could think of to hurt me, and you know what it worked, I'm hurting. The drug addict thing didn't really bother me due to the fact that I've been sober January will make three years, so she can say that until she turns blue in the face and it would only make her look like a complete idiot, because they can do hair folicle tests which would show that I've been sober the amoutn of time that I said, so right.

But the thing that bothers me is that somehow I am in the middle of all the crap that is going on here and I just moved back in. I have enough stress and drama that I'm dealing with in my own life and in the decisions that I have made that I don't need hers to compact and add to mine. I remember being her age so I know some of what she is going through, but one day she is going to have to take a good hard look in the mirror and take responsibility for her actions. I know that I used to be like her, and that reality check hurts when you finally decide to face it. I am just so frustrated and upset right now, and no one is online or up for me to talk to, except for the two people that just attacked me....what a great feeling.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Morning Coffee

Good afternoon, yea here it is 12:34 in the afternoon and I'm just waking up. Feels good to sleep later than I'm used to without having my biological mother waking me up because she doesn't like the fact that I'm sleeping past noon, then once I'm awake going to bed with my Step-father because they work third shift. Gotta love that. Well, I'm working on doing that waking up thing, drinking some coffee, and thinking about what I'm going to do today. Don't really have plans, hope that the house is "warmer" today than it was yesterday. Not going to go into detail about all of that, just going to say that there was a big blow up between my parents and two of my sisters and you could cut the tension with a knife, and no one likes that feeling. Gonna put some more job applications in, I really need to find a job. Since Denny's screwed me over due to my car accident, I think I've put in something like twenty applications, even server applications, the last thing I really want to do is be a waitress again, pay sucks, and customers aren't always the friendliest. But I'll write a little more later, my coffee is beckoning me...
I'm back on Xanga

So, I was deleting old bookmarked pages on my comptuer tonight, seeing as I haven't done that in what seems like forever, and I came across my old xanga, decided to sit there and read it, marveling at how my life has changed since my previous entries and over the past couple of years. A lot of the entries were depressing but there was a theme expressed, old friends, saw I wrote about my friend Joesph and hadn't talked to him in years and right when I was reading all the entries saw him pop online, so decided to write him, talked to him on the phone for a few minutes until my phone decided that it wanted to die, thought I had charged it but oh well. So let me see, so much has happened since I was on xanga before, and I don't even know where to begin with the update, but maybe I shall do that tomorrow, but yes I am back..lol.