| | Hamiltonian Philosophy: Some People Need To Be Beaten
(caveat: If you despise sarcasm, don't know how to take a joke, or are driven by political correctness stop reading here....you will be offended)
The Origin:
When my brother and I were mere youngins' living in the large and open frontier of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, we coined a philosophy that we still live by to this very day. We used this philosophy to express our angst for each other during heated arguments while our parents were in the room. We used this philosophy as a way to speak out against the rulings of our biological parentage. This philosophy is that in which you read above in bold lettering "Some People Need To Be Beaten."
Imagine with me if you will a bright shiny summer afternoon and a house hidden behind a grove of white birch trees and tucked away from a quaint country road. Inside this house are 2 young elementary aged boys and one is attacking the other while the "attackee" is screaming for the assistance of his matriarch. Upon hearing the shrill tones of her baby birds in combat, the matriarch swoops in to discipline her quarreling duo. She pulls them apart and proceeds to indict each of them for different crimes. The matriarch plays the prosecutor,judge, and executioner (no jury in this house) and each of the boys will serve their sentence according to the ruling. After she finishes reading the punishments, the boys somber off with sad looks of dejection since they won't be watching "Square One" that afternoon. Under the breath of one of the boys leaks the words "somebody needs to be beaten" as he stares at his brotherly adversary.The matriarch's ears don't pick up these words, but the other boy had heard them and they were a call to all out war. Both boys begin fighting once again and the indictment process begins all over.
The childhood origins of the philosophy "Somebody Needs To Be Beaten" was used as a way to invoke anger in an adversary so that they in turn will attack you without a seemingly blatant reason. This philosophical gem worked well at stoking the fires of emotions that were running high between two individuals. Over the years "Somebody Needs To Be Beaten" has taken on a different meaning. Now my brother and I use it when we see or hear someone saying something,wearing something,or acting in a way that we feel is ridiculous or stupid. Here is a short list my brother and I have compiled over the years of "Some People Who Need To Be Beaten.":
Guys who play guitars in common places on college campuses
Guys who wear suit blazers with t-shirts
Guys who wear to much cologne
Guys who yell across campus to other people (usually done with some kind of sound effect or incomprehensible vocal noise) (ex.haaaaaaaaaaahuuuuuuuuuu)
People who blast their music whether it is in their car or in a residence
People who try to act smart by discussing philosophical topics (they are mostly found in coffee shops)
People who ask really dumb questions in a group setting
People who think they're awesome
The ACLU
CAIR
Wiggers or Wigger-like activities
Hot girls who hang around losers
Hot girls who date losers
Girls who constantly complain about being too fat
Pretty Girls who complain about being too ugly
Pretty Girls who complain about their body shape
Emo Kids
Radical Environmentalists
Vegan Hippies (see above)
All forms of Rap, Hip-Hop, or Rapcore
Al Gore and his Inconvenient Truth
Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi
The U.N.
Dane Cook (I don't get it....is he supposed to be funny?)
Anyone repeating or acting out Dane Cook standup routines
Mahhhhhccccckmoud Ahhhhhhhhccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkmadinejad
People who own Dane Cook Cds
People who own Dane Cook Dvds
Celebrity "political" commentators (Sean Penny, Susan Suranwrap, Timmy McRobbins, Jane "Barbarella" Fonda)
The Revvvvvvrehund Jaaacksooooooon and Al Sharpie
Huuuugo "you go" Chahhhhhhavez
Existentialists
Socialists
Communists
And many...many.....many more
Here is a real life story about some people who most desperately need to be beaten. Late last week I saw a news story circulating around on the Drudge Report, and my first thoughts were.......(yep you guessed it). The story's headline was "college students dress up as dead VT shooting victims." I could hardly believe it...these clowns were mocking one of the most devastating acts of violence on American soil in recent history. I took one look at the pictures and they made blood shoot out of my eyes (thanks Glenn Beck).
 
There was a video that accompanied the article (click here). I may have been willing to give them the benefit of the doubt if they were doing it to raise awareness about school violence, but just from viewing the pictures and the video.......it is blatantly obvious that is not the case. Sometimes I wonder why we don't euthanize stupid people......
These people need to be beaten...........
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| | Posted 12/12/2007 12:13 AM - 1 comments
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