23 DAYS TILL XMAS!!!

So my birthday...not as bad as i thought it was going to be. Sure plans kinda fell through cuz the next day was thanksgiving so people couldnt really hang out BUT...i got to spend most of my time with him and thats wat meant the most to me. He was there and he made me happy. I love him a lot

So DRAMA: ya shit went down...hardcore shit...we were almost done.....I think we got through it...it was/kinda still is hard. The more i think about it the more i overreacted but all in all it did hurt me and i felt i deserved better. I love him with all my heart so of course it crushed me...I'm (we're) moving on...We will be ok.

So Christmas....I'm actually really excited. I have him and I'm happy. It's so weird...something bad happens and you hurt and you wonder how long its gonna take to heal but then a few days later once the initial shock is over..if you are a strong enough couple you get over it and move on....

So presents....so screwed

Screwed but happy.....life is good with love and love is great with life

Kisses....

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13 Days till my birthday....

I've never had a boyfriend for my birthday...this is def gonna be something new

So where to begin this one...

Nothing really has been bothering me lately....im happy...me and him are good

School is good/bad...its school wat else is there supposed to say

the AK thing was bothering me for a while but im over that..i figure let her go and she'll come running back if not i can make it by myself with cornell till summer hits...then....i got college and its on to making new friends anyway

Him though...we had a little tiff a while ago...i think were over it...im trying to watch wat im supposed to be watching on my part...i thought i did pretty well last night with lettting that comment go when really it kinda hurt and i wanted to get really mad....i give myself a little pat on the back for that one

so my birthday FUN FUN FUN...not really probably nothing is going to happen ...Im 18 thats pretty cool...since im expecting nothing to happen i just want a nice dinner with friends...i just wanna have that kinda fun...make it a nice night....

as for presents ...well wat girl doesnt love presents...im not getting my hopes up too much...im kinda excited wat he gets me if anything...its funny i want all these materialistic things but i honestly want nothing too materialistic from him....i want something meaningful...like wat i did for his birthday....sure i spent a lot of money on him but each individual thing had a meaning....i love thoughtful stuff like that...like a Promise ring....not with that specific meaning but with a meaning of its own...or some small insignificant gift i'll like because he rememeberd i liked it and that i actually like it...i mean how many guys can buy presents that we actually like? lol

also christmas is coming up too.....not as soon but still is

im not excited for christmas shopping.....

im excited...this is my first winter with a boyfriend....im really happy....im glad its him

peace....and hair grease....hope everyone has a happy, warm,cozy loved winter

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Fall 07(basically ROCK FOOTBALL 07 for a few months lol)

ups and downs a lot lately...really starting to discover who i am wat hurts me and what things i need to work on. There is def a lot i need to work on.

I wish I could treat him better. Sometimes we get in these fights and all I can think about is what he is doing wrong when really i should be taking a deeper look into my own actions. I need to start treating him better and the way he deserves before I lose him and regret what Ive done. I never want that feeling of missing something after its gone with him. He is worth so much more than that to me. He is irreplaceable. He is the most important. He is necessary. He is undeniable. He is omnipotent in my eyes and the strenth in which he holds my heart.

Stress---> key component of my life right now. Its wierd I'm stressing about college and other minor things yet I dont stress about him. Maybe I should? I dont want  to lose him. I'm so scared and stressed about college and I'm afraid I might ruin what we have now by worrying about the future. That could possibly be my worse mistake. Another thing I feel my urge for wanting to pick colleges according to him and his location or his pick. I have good reasons enough for picking MU on my own despite the fact I might get eaten alive for being a diehard KU fan but I have feeling my choices and true feelings will be ignored for the small fact he might go there too. Who's to say I shouldnt make my own mistakes. Yes I believe and wonder if its even possible that this relationship could go farther then the first year of college. I know if I want it to and I make a promise that it will then it will happen. I just feel when it comes to him and his decisions for some reason we are the only thing he is reasonable about and will decide that we need to be able to be open to new experiences with other people. I personally dont want that. I feel tainted if I were to touch or even think about touching another guy who isnt him. I feel like I am solely his almost like a married couple. As sad as it is I will have to respect his opinion and let him go off if he wants to hoping with all my might that he doesnt fall in love with a the perfect girl leaving me in the tangled web of his minds shadow. I please with my heart to not be so attached to him for i know the consequences of letting him tag my heart forever....i will never be the same

Is it actually better to love and have lost then to never have loved at all?

I hope i never have to find out......I love him too much.

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SUMMMMMMA

im having the time of my life

with the boy that im gonna love

for the rest of my life

summer has been good....ive been keeping busy...earning that money...having fun with my lovee. If only it could last forever...but i also like school my parents like me more then cuz im not bugging them to go out everyday. One thing i need to fix about this summer...TAN LINE! lol

have you ever heard a song and it gave you goosebumps cuz it reminded you of someone special? that happens to me 23408230 times a day. He really means something to me. We had our 6 month anniversary yesterday. No thats not long. No its typical for a high school relationship.But wat IS important is that i went by so fast...i feel like i could do it forever...i plan on it

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wow....life

still dating the same guy...still extremely happy with him at least

i still have a lot of stuff about myself to figure out...i still need to come to terms with some issues...most of them im gonna have to get over on my own and its gonna be a long hard road...

right now idk im scared....of wat? who knows..i just have this overwhelming sad feeling...im constantly crying...maybe cuz he brings out the better in me...he makes me realize some truths about me...different aspects that i never knew about....maybe for once im actually in love....i mean how many people do u kno that cry cuz they are in love? simply cuz of that fact....i dont cry cuz he is trying to break up with me and i think i love him....i cry when he isnt doing anything at all....

Loving him is special....i cant really explain it...everything about him amazes me...when he smiles when he laughs...anything and everything...its an incredible feeling...i cant ever pay attention...yesterday we went to a  movie im pretty sure it was worthless cuz i dont remember one solitary scene....all i can remember is holding on to his arm and wishing i could stay like that forever....i miss him even before he leaves...even when he gets on my last nerve or makes a mistake by saying something i dont want to hear i still love him then.....

i think i can honestly say that if he broke up with me...after the initial freak out session im gonna have...i truly wouldnt be sad at all cuz im lucky i could have at least experienced it...i was lucky enough to have the chance of a lifetime...with the love of a lifetime....with the love of my life....

forever and ever....till the end of eternity.....with all the power God granted me....... I Promise....

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