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ThunderEvermore
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Name: Winston
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Birthday: 6/6/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Anime, Xanga, and my friends. I love my friends!
Expertise: "The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time." - George Bernard Shaw
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  Akai Suisei RC
Yahoo:  ThunderEvermore1029
Member Since:
2/26/2003
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| It's been a good long time since I posted here, or even since I typed an extended message. So if there are typos or misspellings don't blame me.
It's summer again, and what does that mean? Unending loneliness? No no no, MOVIES.
The blockbuster season started off with some huge hits, Spiderman 3, which was phenomenal, although not as good as 2 in terms of plot and character development, opened with the biggest weekend gross in US and international history. Only, a few weeks later, to be ousted by At World's End, the third in the line of Pirates movies. This was the best of the series, and one of my favorites of the summer. The latest in the Die Hard series released as well, modernizing a classic action series, and doing it well. Timothy Olyphant plays bad as bad should be played, and steals the movie with his phenomenal acting. I would see anything this guy is in, believe it. The problem was that he seemed all too distant, as if he were a generalized villain with no background or life. This was not his fault, but the writers fault. This places him second in the Die Hard villains list, right under Alan Rickman (Metatron, voice of God) as Hans Gruber, the evil bastard who got thrown out of a window thanks to, you guessed it, John McClane.
Transformers was the most recent release. Michael Bay directs this masterfully with his trademark sweeping shots and incredible action sequences, all for under 150 million. How he does it, I don't know. All the while he makes the movie seem more epic than existence itself with great graphics, lighting, and those damned camera angles that make me want to well up with action packed epic pride. Fuck yes I want to get into the car, as the gorgeous soundtrack and even more gorgeous costar climb in. They portray the transformers themselves very well, with thousands of moving parts in just one of the giant robots. Peter Cullen reprises his role as Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots. I doubt anyone would do it as well as he has done for the past 20 odd years. Megatron however gets taken over by the impressive Hugo Weaving. I didn't really realize it was him, which kind of takes away from the effect, but it's still pretty cool.
Movies aren't all that the summer is about. I just got back from the beach with some mad tannage, and even some sunburn. I got my shoulders pretty bad, they're very discolored and scabbed, but I think I'll survive. Next time, sunblock. While there I did a lot of movie-going, including 1408, starring John Cusack. While it stuck to Stephen King style, that didn't take away from Cusack's amazing acting and the pretty cool albeit mentally twisting plot. The ending seemed all too fitting for the story, and the fake ending in the middle almost made me rip the seat in front of me. To rise those kind of feelings out of an audience, and make even THEM believe the lies that are being told to the main character is phenomenal work by the writers and director.
I bought movies too, haha. But I got some new clothes and shoes. The flea market there was pretty cool, and the mall was nice except it didn't have any good stores. Only ONE Gamestop?! With no DVDs? And only the books a million, no Borders? For shame.
No girls, no stories, just some bowling, eating, and going to see movies with Ry and occasionally Houser.
Time for food, later!
Another post, another quote
"Yippy Kay Aye Mother Fucker!"
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| I make her laugh,
I make her smile,
I make her happy,
And all the while,
She still wants him,
She doesn't see,
How much I want
Her to be with me.
It's her I want,
It's her I need,
But she'll never see,
She'll never want me.
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| If you can't run...I've been thinking. Which I do...often.
Since I was young I've been a fairly upset kid. Lonely, if you will. Am I lonely? I don't know. I have incredible friends, and live, now, a far better life than I have in all my years. High school was a pit for me, a sand trap I couldn't get out of. But here I am, three years out of high school, happier than Ive ever been. Or, at least, I should be. Instead I've gone from content to depression. I delve myself into my lack of a significant other and I hate myself because I don't have one.
I invest too much of myself into finding and wanting a girlfriend. I base my feelings of myself on these things. A girl doesn't like me, I don't like myself. It's not healthy for me, I know, but my heart does that on its own.
How do I change then? How do I find happiness in myself? How do I stop comparing myself to the world? How do I stop thinking so little of myself because a girl just wants to be friends?
I've taken it upon myself to step back from the situation. Take a break from those I hold dear because a less than comfortable situation is effecting me far more than it should. I've reverted, if you will, from my short lived contentment to the sad lonely teenager I once was. My two best friends. They have happiness and troubles with each other and I am so selfish as to take it to be about me. I break inside due to this, and I can't handle thinking about it. So here I am, taking a "break". Shutting myself in. Why? Because I can't handle my best friends trying to be happy? I feel like an asshole. But I need to connect in my brain some how the realization that I don't need to have someone to be happy, nor do I need this specific person.
Basically, I need to be ok alone. No, not alone, with myself, with my friends, with the ones I care about. Can I do that by shutting myself in for a week? I don't know. Should I try? I don't really want to, but here I am.
But why? Why do I desire another so much? Is it because I watch so much TV and movies and find love on every one of them? Is it because I feel like I'm so far behind others when it comes to the progression of relationships? Is it because I've tried and failed and it only spurs me to need to succeed? Is it because my heart was broken early in life and I've never gotten over it?
I don't know.
But I need to love myself.
THAT is what I need.
Not love.
Not her.
I need myself.
How do I find that?
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| It's amazing, how one day you can feel close to someone, and the very next feel like you're worlds apart. How you can spill the secrets of your world to someone and yet eventually lose touch. No blame between you, just a gradual digression to other things, other lives. You miss them, but you don't do anything. I don't know why not, it'd be perfectly normal. But yeah...
It's kind of amazing that, even though I have grown incredibly as a person, and can talk to people far and wide, I still get nervous around her, speechless. I can't even form words I already have in my head. Those butterflies staid there for a while too. I don't know why.
Life, love, friendship, it's all such an incredible experience. And here I am.
I once wrote pages of these entries, describing my innermost feelings and thoughts. Now I can't think of the words to put down. It's been far too long since I've put fingers to keys with the intention of delving into my mind to create a string of language and eloquence that would illustrate my heart and soul.
All it took was an old friend, a recollection of an experience, and here I am, typing my existence onto a screen, watching a cursor race by as my words and thoughts are put into pixels, and stores as 1's and 0's.
Now I'm being dramatic.
At any rate. Another post, another quote.
Plato's Meno
"Persephone will return to the sun above in the ninth year
the souls of those from whom
she will exact punishment for old miseries,
and from these come noble kings,
mighty in strength and greatest in wisdom,
and for the rest of the time men will call them sacred heroes."
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| Wow, its been a while.
Got nothing to say really. Life's per usual. Bored, lonely, and broke.
I need sleep. Too much work.
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