I just wanted to write about how fun Arizona was. I'm am totally and completely glad I went.  I think I've finally gotten straightened out. I put D bag in a box in my head (hopefully he stays there).  Sam and I had so much fun. I'm disappointed we didn't get to go rafting or canyon jumping, it seemed like the days went so fast.  But on the whole, I very much enjoyed spending time with him and it appears he did also (vice versa) he even tried to make me miss my plane lol.  I miss him. I like him better when he's not buzzing though, he's a bit too wild then and if I'm perfectly sober I feel awkward.  I certainly tried a lot of new things there and I like that about him, life is more spontaneous. Funny though, you clear up one mass of confusion only to have a new mess appear.  Oh well. I guess that's life.  I wish he were here though. I wish all my battles were here, I miss them a lot.  And I'm confused and upset about strawberry face, why am I no longer his friend? Did he erase me by mistake, most probably. So sad, most of my friends are leaving anyway. The question is, do I stay or go?  Germany would be cool, but they are boring when they deploy. Then again, I loathe kelly hill and so many are moving on. Man, I hate being indecisive.  Oh, and I thought it was hilarious, the cleaning lady was always coming early and knocking on our door (usually while we were still sleeping) so one day sam answered the door completely naked. lol Bloody hell, gonzo's ex wife is a horrible horrible person and she's lucky she's no where near benning cause there's a lot of people who would just make her life hell.  I spit on her. ptt.

Music is the only way

I can think to stay

in his mind

 

What song can I sing

That will haunt him

in kind

 

Wish I could just

Be quiet and trust

let it lie

 

But there resonates a

tiny hint of promise

When he's by

 

Like an overtone

In exultation, but it's

soft and quiet

 

The hint of the most

exquisite harmony

I just want to try it

 

I hate the last line, I was going to say I'm haunted by it, but that's already used and tortured is to depressing, how about tantalized, enchanted? Yes, enchanted.  It's true thougha and it's driving me mad.  And I hate this place because they live to crush happiness, everytime I find something that makes me happy here it gets taken away. (Not always immediatly, but eventually.) The other day one guy tried suggesting that the medics stay only in the aidstation because of the 'rumor mill'.  FUCK THAT SHIT. The aidstation if suffocating, it took me months to work my way out of there and start talking to other people, I refuse to be imprisoned back there.  It's one of the places I most wish to avoid (though there are truly very few places to be here anyhow). Check this shit, they made everyone move out of their rooms to make space for the new unit and they're all just standing empty. Idiots.   I have a cold and I blame him. I think the cold is part of what's dragging me down besides the same old shit.  This is the longest eleven days ever.  I wish I could talk to Katie in person, I actually have lots to talk about, but it all just sits in my head and starts to drown me.  Eleven days 11 days, Once dias, nope still just as annoying. :P