Hey people!

It's halloween already!wow time flies when ur busy. Well giftorama is so soon and i love it when they put up the tree...down side is that i have to sing at the opening night. oh well. Schubert solos are this week but there's no way that we are going to get through all of them unless she devotes an entire day to it (which i know speck wont do)

Practice for Charlie brown is going well, and you all need to come see it on November 13th, 14th, and 15th!!!! please?!?! it would mean a whole lot to the cast and all who worked on it after all of this practice that we put into it!

Math test today was uber easy...i hate french that class can just die, but everything is going well. I have no clue what my english grade is at he moment...So i hope i'm not suprised when my report card comes out...i dont think that it's that bad though.

oooooo my dad came today and we went shopping and he bought me a guitar!!! yayayayayayayayaya finally! ok...i'm done rejoicing...well i gtg ttyl!

~Mel~

So....busy busy busy busy....if i had one word to describe my life...it would be just that. But i think that in the end it'll all be worth it. My room mate is the biggest dork that i know, but i love her for it.

Amanda is sleeping in my room tonight....good times.yea word of the day is ...."bokken"....sayin of the day "dork on a stick" yes i'm blond...deal with it.

Okay i know i'm bring very random right now, but that's the mood i'm in. yea....okay now i'm bored...talk to y'all later!

~Mel~

Wow! sry for the lack of updates...i'm a busy girl! Things are going a little better. I had blood drawn today (eeek needles and blood!) and now i have a nasty bruise on my arm. At least they only had to poke me twice....the record for me is five in case you didn't know.

History test tomorrow! ahhhhh! does someone want to tutor me on feudalism?!?!? please?!?!? nah, i think i just might make it out alive. ANYWHO! wish me luck!

Alright, night time! today has been veeeerrryyy long...glad it's over. Yay for schubert mass in g!

~mel~

Urrghh....i hate bad moods...i want to be alone but there's always someone around, someone making  noise giving me a constant headache...i feel claustrophobic and i just want to be alone in a quiet clean dark room...

I want to be alone but no one will ever listen to me...no one takes me seriously...no one ever notices that i'm upset....i could be crying in front of my room mate and she'd smile and ask for help with her hw...or blow it off as some crush on a guy...

I just want everyone to leave my room so i can clean, cry, mourn, scream in peace. I dont care if they dont notice anymore..i just want everything to end and go away.

I hate being here at school this year..nothing is the same....one person keeps me sain...amanda! I never get tired of her...and i know she's always there...and she can always pick up the slightest drop in my smile...

I hate homework...i hate school....i even hate singing this year....i think this is the first time that i've thought of it as work. Whats wrong with me? Why am i so upset? i dont even know why...

~mel~

I think that there is some cosmic force that enjoys toying with my emotions. I've been in such a bad mood today...everything bothers me!

A lot of things from my past have come up today and it's all too much for me...my heart hurts...and I want to cry but i can't find the energy to. I took a scalding hot shower, burned myself, but it made me feel somewhat better so it was worth it. Felt like i was redirecting all of my pain away from my heart and soul and kind of made them numb because my mind was concentrating on the pain from the water...i burned away everything that was troubling me..except it's still here.

I need an escape...i want this all to stop...i need a way out...why is life so painful???

~Mel~