back to the roots

I had lunch with my grandma today. I'm back in scarbs now; mom, dad, and Bonnie were at work; and Eldon was at school. So I had some alone time with my grandma. As we finished our lunches and sat back at the kitchen table, she told me about the days back in Vietnam, and about some of my extended family that I knew very little about.

It wasn't until recently when it occurred to me that I didn't know why my immediate family's speaks Cantonese. (On my paternal side), my grandma is Hakka and Vietnamese, and my grandpa is Shanghai-nese (sp?). As it turns out, my family's first language was determined more by geography than it was by ancestry. And it wasn't until today that I learned the whereabouts of my grandparent's siblings and heard a bit of their stories. Really, I feel so selfish and heartless that I never asked about these things before - that I had never really endeavoured to talk to my grandparents and unearth their 80+ years of life experience...

On a related note, I think that before I became "an adult", I used my age/immaturity as a crutch for anything wrong with who I was/what I did. That, hey, I'm a kid with no clue about the world, so I'm not really accountable for myself. But now, every step that I take or do not take, what I know and what I don't know - is really, because of me. That, this might sound obvious but, we are responsible for everything we are and everything that we do. So at the end of the day, can we justify ourselves and sleep with ease knowing how we chose to live while we were awake?

I'm becoming more aware of some of my weak points as a person, and I have lots of work on... The first goal that comes to mind right now is to be a frickin' awesome granddaughter/daughter/sister/cousin/niece/friend :)

P.S. And I sometimes wonder if I've said or done anything amiss. If I have, please let me know. (At the risk of sounding corny,) I would like the chance to make it up to you.