sorry i havent updated
i will start writting in here again
todai all ive had was frosted mini wheats in 2% milk..does any one else get sick if they drink whole milk?
i want to start postiing pics on here but i cant get my comp working
im so pissed at my self i left my slef go over my winter break and i gained so much more weight. my best friend has sufferd from ana since she was really young 13 maybe and shes gotten smaller and im like wow i wish i could do that
i guess many ppl think i chose to be ana or mia..and im sorry but u cant just wake up one day and say " ill throw up what i eat" or " ill starve myslef for a few days" ana is a diese and i go to a effing counsler for it..i guess my eds started in 6th grade.. i felt bigger than all the girls maybe cause i was the only 6th grader who wore a size 18 in women mind u..finally being out of elementry and no more teasing.i grew up being teased in my house by my brothers who enjoyed callin me 2 tons of fun, to school where i was picked on, to even bein at my dads where my step mom called me a fat ass.than in 6th grade i was like i want to losse weight so i started watching what i ate and i got so obsessed with it that my parents knew something was wrong so they snet me to a counsler i wasnt diagnosed with ana at the time she just felt like i wanted to loose weight so she put me on a diet but it didnt work. in 7th i moved to my dad and lost maybe 2 pant sizes so i was a 16 now i didnt care about my weight and just said screw it and ate what i wanted...8th grade year came around and as i was walking home from school one day my brothers friend saw me and aksed if i wanted a ride and i said sure..that day was the worst day ever..instead of takin me home he raped me in his car...ive never told any one ever.after it happemd i felt so low about my slef and felt that i wasnt wanted and sex was all i would ever be good for so bythat summer i was starving my slef and not eating harldy anything and what i did eat i would throw up. entering high school every one was like wow shes lost so much weight ..i was happy i could finally fit in juniors...i joined the soccer team and ran my ass off non stop, worked out that i became addicted to it i lost even more weight and every one was like wow finally i met thr guy that i feel in love with..and i again let my slef go...i gainded wiehgt by the end of the year when we broke up thats when i started cutting and throwing my food up..it was a constant cylce this summer..until i met tyler... when i told him about and and mia ..he cried he didnt understand why i would do this to myslef he understood the cutting cause he did it him self..so for him i stoped but i did fast and i did run alot..by this past summer i was down to 180...i use to be 200 +. than school came back around and i was back up to 192 i belive and i was like no i cant eat blah blah than my step mom found out about EVERYTHING from sex,drugs,ana,mia,and my cutting she snet me into therpy. i told her it worked but it wasnt.every day at dinnder she watched my like a hawk shed come up with rude comments on how she cant wait till the day i slit my wirst and shed gladly give me the knife to do it, and when shed bring fast food home on purpose cause she knows how much i hated eating shed sit there and say..why eat it ur just gonna throw it up anyways..i knoe ur proably wondering why dad didnt say anythimg..well its cause hes in iraw and wasnt there..finally one day i snapped and left..now i live at my brothers ..im more ana now but i do have my spurts of mia i guess u could say...i knoe many ppl with make rude comments towards this but w/e get a life
my goal weight is 155 and lower im 5'6 so i hope to reach it..i weighd my self the other day and due to letting my self go these past 2 weeks i got back up to 192...i need help girls i really do i need to sta commited and i cant for sum reason
Have you ever tried to step in my shoes?
have you ever tried to balance that beam?
and if you ever try to fit in my shoes
they'll never be quite as soft as they seem
- incubus
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