In response to WhatWomenWant 's 4/19/04 post, an anonymous reader of ours responded:

hrm... i think you're talking about the phenomenon of "positioning yourself" in someone's vicinity, perhaps to increase the likelihood of being noticed and/or interacted with?

if that's what you are talking about, i always thought this (in my humble opinion) - if i were a girl and i was sort of interested in some guy, then its kind of helpless and sucky to not be able to do ANYTHING about it, and it certainly doesnt help that i and all my friends are always talking about how men need to be initiators and women shouldnt be initiating...

so with that in mind, i dont think the mere "positioning" move that some girls might take as a form of "passive initiative" is bad at all. If you cant do at least that, then what can you do? Cant just sit around waiting and twiddling your thumbs forever right and saying "Trust God" - I personally think "Trust God" gets way oversimplified and twisted in many contexts, particularly this one.

HOWEVER, I will also say, on the flipside, that there have been times when i felt like someone might be exercising this "positioning" move, as arrogant and self-gratifying as that sounds (whether they really meant it or not), and eventhough part of me might have been flattered, most of me was actually really turned off. Ive never really tried to articulate why - but perhaps its that inherently male component within me that actually does feel uncomfortable being "pursued," in a sense - even in such a small way. I dunno if that makes sense. And now I may seem all the more arrogant and chauvinistic for even having had this thought process and shared it, but you just ask an interesting question, and so ill just give you what i think (though it's so hard to nail down any absolutes when it comes to this stuff)

So then i am left to wonder - does the feeling on girls' parts that they need to make those little moves to get the ball rolling come from some initiating aspect of femininity as well? Or is that something girls feel they need to do because well, men these days just arent quite what they should be and need a little "coaxing"? If the latter is the case, then it sounds like there is some absolute universal "ideal" way of starting a relationship that women are hoping for, but unfortunately need to make adjustments and compromises to adjust to "reality". Kind of sad granted, but maybe that's true - all i can say is, from what y'all ladies tell me, it doesnt seem like you'd want to do any "positioning" or take initiative at all if you didnt HAVE to - that part of your wiring as women is to be most flattered and to feel most like "women" when you are noticed, deemed "worthy of pursuit," and then pursued, which I respect.

d'oh. why am i writing so much?..ok your question was if its bad for a girl to intentionally place herself in a better position to get noticed. well, trying to hear both sides, i'd say it's not BAD...., but it's not ideal (assuming there is some absolute ideal).... Otherwise, i'd say it depends what kind of girl you are, whether your own personal "ideal" about starting a relationship is different from most of Asian American Christianity, whether you are comfortable going to certain lengths to stick your neck out, and also what kind of guy you are hoping to gain the attention of. Some guys might respond well to something like that, some will still play clueless, some will still BE clueless, and some might just turn the other way.

Whatcha think?

Other People's Insight Upon Me-you-stuff:
OPIUM

what is it about other people's lives that intrigue us? i walk past newstands daily and see People Magazine, Us, National Inquirer, amongst other publications that not only specialize but only write up stories and articles on people. our television shows are another fine indication of our love of the lifestyles of others.
gossip. ever heard of that? another social mechanism that indicates our desire...daresay, need?...to talk, whisper, and share everything we know and think about others.
i'm sure any psychologist would shed light on the matter to highlight that we talk about others to know we are not alone or that we are heavily dulled by our own lives. either way, that's just how we are.

ever been married? in a committed relationship? seen each other on and off? gone on a date? looked at someone? well, people are gonna talk.
that's all there is to it. and it's okay! family and friends are always concerned about their family and friends and will always have an opinion on such matters. and we love our loved ones, oh so much we do. and the very things they say to us mean as much as they'd want it to.
so what do we do when friends, family, and self have varied views and responses?
my answer?
i dunno.
at some point, one has to wonder what our friends' and family's intentions are. and one has to wonder what they understand - not to mention what we let them understand.
it's an interesting thing. i myself am such a person to comment on other's lives and/or their relations with significant others. so why do we have such an interest? do we really feel that alone? is it a vicarious notion? does this entry have a point?

we apologize for having not written for so long...out hotmail account got wiped out so we apologize to those we did not get a chance to respond to...cheers to those who have supported us!

i've talked about want and need in the context of a sign of
dependency in a relationship, but i want to talk about something
further in this concept...

consider the things you really need in life. literally. off the top of my head, i can come up with: God, air, drink, food. 2nd tier needs would be: purpose and direction. i honestly can not rationalize anything beyond that. feel free to write us at sensitivemen@hotmail.com if you can come up with anything else.
basically, everything else is a want. i've come to acknowledge that wants and needs do go hand in hand.

for instance, you need food. but you WANT KFC. so which is greater? the need for food or the want for the colonel's chicken? i would argue that the want is greater, or greater in the sense that it's more personal and has more meaning. you need air. you're seldom truly thankful and really strongly desiring of air because of it. you're thirsty. a dr. pepper is the greatest drink in the world, but water would certainly suffice to quench thirst.

so want, in effect, is more personal and certainly nearly by definition more desirable than need.

how does this tie in with relationships? easily. don't fool yourself into thinking you "need" this person. you don't. the earth will continue to rotate around the sun and you'll still have your vital organs tomorrow. a need is a complete and utter dependency on something. a want is desired, craved, and sought after. you more likely "want" the girl or the guy.

in a poetic sense, sure, you "need" the person. you need the person to keep you sane or keep you company, but don't you dare think that that person alone can do it. that's tomfoolery. i find it far more romantic that out of 3 billion women in this world, i want and choose this girl to share life with. wouldn't you agree? if you "need" a certain someone, than you don't have a choice. you're ball and chained to this one person...you can't control it. it controls you. just doesn't seem like love to me. it's kind of like how you have to
love your family members, both blood and through the blood of Jesus, but you don't have to like them.

so, fellas, stop with the "i need you" crap. think of a more eloquent and true way to express how you feel. even worse, don't say you need someone after you've broken up...that just feels weird.

Sports Rule!

A response to A Tribute to Chocolate

[This "What Men Want" site would not be complete without a shout-out to Sports!]

Sports is a divine delight capturing the hearts (and dreams) of men universally.  Many girls have felt the stiff competition and have wondered just what makes sports so special in a man's eyes.  It's just a bunch of sweaty, arrogant dudes running around and banging into each other, right?  Plus, with Sportscenter reruns 11 times a day, and man’s need to watch the same plays at least 4 times, there goes the romantic candle light dinner! But like it or not, there are times when we will die if we don’t watch a ballgame. 

Rather than fight it, many smart women have conspired to wield sports as a tool to impress a man.  Learning what a “third down,” a “3 and 2 count,” and an “offensive 3 seconds violation” are has helped many women become better companions for their male counterparts. Women are learning that a girl who knows how to sit through a basketball game and can comment on a slam dunk rather than the cheerleaders’ uniforms are well received with huge smiles and open arms.  If any woman is to befriend a man, she would be wise to understand that “Playoffs” is another term for “compromise.” 

It pumps us up, gets us excited, allows for bonding between men of all ages, and infuses into our culture.  There's not enough time to give props to all the athletes slaving hard out there to keep us men engaged.  But there are some distinguished members of the professional sports community that deserve special mention: There's Michael Jordan (perhaps the best basketball player ever), Michael Vick (ridiculously versatile quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons), Tiger Woods (dominating the entire game of golf), Yao Ming (22 year old Asian Bro superstar center), Alex Rodriguez (sell out), etc.  Then there are the killer combos – Shaq and Kobe, Schilling and Johnson, Garcia and Owens, and chocolate-and-nuts.  The best accompaniment to a great display of athletic talent on TV are a bunch of guy-friends, cold beers, and some chips and salsa!  There are sports shows, sports highlights, sports websites, sports commentators, sports bars, sports bras, fans, bobbleheads, movies...any shape or form! 

Needless to say, we men psychologically and physically crave sports.  (I'm starting to imitate Robert Horry’s buzzer beating 3 pointer against Sacramento in the Western Conference finals last year right now after all those descriptions).

Psychologically, we've put sports on a pedestal and everytime we see a live game, it's considered a "treat."  This therefore boosts our happiness level all the more as we take in the atmosphere and adrenalin of a live sporting event.  It could also be that for men, getting box seats to a big game usually means a special occasion and pleasant memories.  Anyway, it's THE program of choice for when we get home from work and flip on the TV and just don’t feel like doing anything. 

Physically, playing sports has some healthy benefits too!  The running and jumping involved in a nice pickup game keeps us in good shape, and gets the blood pumping, helping to prevent plaque from clogging up the arteries.  Now to debunk some myths about golf: Once your game develops a certain level of consistency, there is just nothing like a day out on the course – everyone who watches golf on TV thinks it’s such a waste of time, but remember – someday when you’re 70 years old, let’s count how many sports YOU’ll be able to play.  In reality, a day out in the sun swinging the clubs is actually a pretty draining work out.

There are thousands of statistics running through our brains that you should consider familiarizing yourself with.  These include, but are not limited to Assist/Turnover Ratio, WHIP ratio, and Yardage per carry, numbers which govern us and give us something to respond with the next morning when some other dude says,” Yo did you catch that game last night ?!”

There's definitely a story behind the story when it comes to sports.  Though some look up to and admire successful athletes as if they were Gods – many of them have serious issues when they’re out of the spotlight. As much as I loved Darryl Strawberry when I was growing up, he turned out to be a wife-beater and a druggie.  I felt duped.  That's like the equivalent of discovering that Meg Ryan is actually Jimmy Hoffa with plastic surgery for girls. 

The bottom line is: Girls, start learning the difference between “first base” in dating terms, and first base on the baseball diamond. And ladies, we do not feel guilty about watching the same Jason Kidd highlight twice before bed and twice the next morning!  The key is moderation, of course.  Be aware that when baseball season ends, basketball season is lurking right around the corner!  You, God’s created companions for us, are NEVER free from the clutches of professional athletics! 

S.O.S.

the writers of this site would like to express our deepest apologies for not having written recently...it's the combination of being fresh out of good ideas and being swamped in work and life changes.  good stuff.  so, we wish to welcome new idea topics!  you can ask stuff on the chatterbox on the right or email us at sensitivemen@hotmail.com. 

we wish to acknowledge a "sister" site which has sprouted on our xanga community at http://www.xanga.com/whatwomenwant