Sports Rule!

A response to A Tribute to Chocolate

[This "What Men Want" site would not be complete without a shout-out to Sports!]

Sports is a divine delight capturing the hearts (and dreams) of men universally.  Many girls have felt the stiff competition and have wondered just what makes sports so special in a man's eyes.  It's just a bunch of sweaty, arrogant dudes running around and banging into each other, right?  Plus, with Sportscenter reruns 11 times a day, and man’s need to watch the same plays at least 4 times, there goes the romantic candle light dinner! But like it or not, there are times when we will die if we don’t watch a ballgame. 

Rather than fight it, many smart women have conspired to wield sports as a tool to impress a man.  Learning what a “third down,” a “3 and 2 count,” and an “offensive 3 seconds violation” are has helped many women become better companions for their male counterparts. Women are learning that a girl who knows how to sit through a basketball game and can comment on a slam dunk rather than the cheerleaders’ uniforms are well received with huge smiles and open arms.  If any woman is to befriend a man, she would be wise to understand that “Playoffs” is another term for “compromise.” 

It pumps us up, gets us excited, allows for bonding between men of all ages, and infuses into our culture.  There's not enough time to give props to all the athletes slaving hard out there to keep us men engaged.  But there are some distinguished members of the professional sports community that deserve special mention: There's Michael Jordan (perhaps the best basketball player ever), Michael Vick (ridiculously versatile quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons), Tiger Woods (dominating the entire game of golf), Yao Ming (22 year old Asian Bro superstar center), Alex Rodriguez (sell out), etc.  Then there are the killer combos – Shaq and Kobe, Schilling and Johnson, Garcia and Owens, and chocolate-and-nuts.  The best accompaniment to a great display of athletic talent on TV are a bunch of guy-friends, cold beers, and some chips and salsa!  There are sports shows, sports highlights, sports websites, sports commentators, sports bars, sports bras, fans, bobbleheads, movies...any shape or form! 

Needless to say, we men psychologically and physically crave sports.  (I'm starting to imitate Robert Horry’s buzzer beating 3 pointer against Sacramento in the Western Conference finals last year right now after all those descriptions).

Psychologically, we've put sports on a pedestal and everytime we see a live game, it's considered a "treat."  This therefore boosts our happiness level all the more as we take in the atmosphere and adrenalin of a live sporting event.  It could also be that for men, getting box seats to a big game usually means a special occasion and pleasant memories.  Anyway, it's THE program of choice for when we get home from work and flip on the TV and just don’t feel like doing anything. 

Physically, playing sports has some healthy benefits too!  The running and jumping involved in a nice pickup game keeps us in good shape, and gets the blood pumping, helping to prevent plaque from clogging up the arteries.  Now to debunk some myths about golf: Once your game develops a certain level of consistency, there is just nothing like a day out on the course – everyone who watches golf on TV thinks it’s such a waste of time, but remember – someday when you’re 70 years old, let’s count how many sports YOU’ll be able to play.  In reality, a day out in the sun swinging the clubs is actually a pretty draining work out.

There are thousands of statistics running through our brains that you should consider familiarizing yourself with.  These include, but are not limited to Assist/Turnover Ratio, WHIP ratio, and Yardage per carry, numbers which govern us and give us something to respond with the next morning when some other dude says,” Yo did you catch that game last night ?!”

There's definitely a story behind the story when it comes to sports.  Though some look up to and admire successful athletes as if they were Gods – many of them have serious issues when they’re out of the spotlight. As much as I loved Darryl Strawberry when I was growing up, he turned out to be a wife-beater and a druggie.  I felt duped.  That's like the equivalent of discovering that Meg Ryan is actually Jimmy Hoffa with plastic surgery for girls. 

The bottom line is: Girls, start learning the difference between “first base” in dating terms, and first base on the baseball diamond. And ladies, we do not feel guilty about watching the same Jason Kidd highlight twice before bed and twice the next morning!  The key is moderation, of course.  Be aware that when baseball season ends, basketball season is lurking right around the corner!  You, God’s created companions for us, are NEVER free from the clutches of professional athletics!