In response to WhatWomenWant 's 4/19/04 post, an anonymous reader of ours responded:

hrm... i think you're talking about the phenomenon of "positioning yourself" in someone's vicinity, perhaps to increase the likelihood of being noticed and/or interacted with?

if that's what you are talking about, i always thought this (in my humble opinion) - if i were a girl and i was sort of interested in some guy, then its kind of helpless and sucky to not be able to do ANYTHING about it, and it certainly doesnt help that i and all my friends are always talking about how men need to be initiators and women shouldnt be initiating...

so with that in mind, i dont think the mere "positioning" move that some girls might take as a form of "passive initiative" is bad at all. If you cant do at least that, then what can you do? Cant just sit around waiting and twiddling your thumbs forever right and saying "Trust God" - I personally think "Trust God" gets way oversimplified and twisted in many contexts, particularly this one.

HOWEVER, I will also say, on the flipside, that there have been times when i felt like someone might be exercising this "positioning" move, as arrogant and self-gratifying as that sounds (whether they really meant it or not), and eventhough part of me might have been flattered, most of me was actually really turned off. Ive never really tried to articulate why - but perhaps its that inherently male component within me that actually does feel uncomfortable being "pursued," in a sense - even in such a small way. I dunno if that makes sense. And now I may seem all the more arrogant and chauvinistic for even having had this thought process and shared it, but you just ask an interesting question, and so ill just give you what i think (though it's so hard to nail down any absolutes when it comes to this stuff)

So then i am left to wonder - does the feeling on girls' parts that they need to make those little moves to get the ball rolling come from some initiating aspect of femininity as well? Or is that something girls feel they need to do because well, men these days just arent quite what they should be and need a little "coaxing"? If the latter is the case, then it sounds like there is some absolute universal "ideal" way of starting a relationship that women are hoping for, but unfortunately need to make adjustments and compromises to adjust to "reality". Kind of sad granted, but maybe that's true - all i can say is, from what y'all ladies tell me, it doesnt seem like you'd want to do any "positioning" or take initiative at all if you didnt HAVE to - that part of your wiring as women is to be most flattered and to feel most like "women" when you are noticed, deemed "worthy of pursuit," and then pursued, which I respect.

d'oh. why am i writing so much?..ok your question was if its bad for a girl to intentionally place herself in a better position to get noticed. well, trying to hear both sides, i'd say it's not BAD...., but it's not ideal (assuming there is some absolute ideal).... Otherwise, i'd say it depends what kind of girl you are, whether your own personal "ideal" about starting a relationship is different from most of Asian American Christianity, whether you are comfortable going to certain lengths to stick your neck out, and also what kind of guy you are hoping to gain the attention of. Some guys might respond well to something like that, some will still play clueless, some will still BE clueless, and some might just turn the other way.

Whatcha think?