Torch07's Xanga

fancy pants

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 13:09:31 GMT

look at how fancy and upgraded xanga got. tryin to compete with the big boys, eh?

life is good right now. Sunset in Seattle is now around 5:40pm instead of 4:40pm. That's the thing about Seattle that no one prepares you for. I was steeled for the rain. I was warned of the clouds. I can handle some drizzle and grey skies. But no one mentions the darkness. I guess because its so far north, but in the winter, the day only goes from 8am to 4pm. I work longer than the daylight does. That's what gets to me. I go to the University of Washington after work on Tue/Thursdays, and I realized that I've never seen the campus by sunlight (or cloudy light as the case may be up here). Its crazy. But its getting better. I can now still see slivers of light in the sky when I get home from work, so we're looking good.

Reid and I talk about marriage a lot. I'm not a big fan, but I would be for him. I would probably even include the line from "What Planet Are You From" in my vows for him: "I know this isn't politically correct anymore, but I promise to obey you... if the request seems reasonable."

I'm going to go get a breakfast sandwich and finish the marketing brochure I've been "working" on for the past hour.

la vie est belle.

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 13:04:46 GMT

As much as France was a great experience and rewarded me with two lifelong friends in the process, it feels kind of good to wake up from the dream that was Lyon and enter real life again. I do miss "la vie Lyonnaise" from time to time. I think they do some things right over there. But we do some things right here too, and you just got to focus on that. I really miss all that cheese though.

Seattle is beautiful too, in its own way. It doesn't have picturesque public squares or fountains in every public space, but the mountains always please my eyes and there's something comforting about grey skies against glass buildings and green acres beyond. I love our apartment and the crisp weather and how everyone here is crazy for thinking that its not odd that summer jumps right into winter and winter stops suddenly for summer to begin again. Two seasons? What's that about?

Reid and I decided not to come home for Thanksgiving. I'm sad, but I think its good for us because we need to conserve money until my new job starts giving me large paychecks every other week. Plus the tickets home are already 3-400 dollars each, and that's kind of expensive for just a few days. It will also be nice to start some holiday memories of our own. In related news- does anyone know how to cook a turkey? The fact that I have to cook a T-Day dinner does scare the shit out of me. The good news is that we will be home for 10-12 days for Christmas though, so be ready to party, Kansas City!

And as much as I want to write for the next 8 hours, gushing about my Reid and being in looooooove and all that gooeyiness (gooiness? gooeyness?), I'll spare you with a minimal "life is beautiful" and leave it at that.

kisses,

Danielle

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 10:32:43 GMT

i'm back in the States. Funnily enough, I miss France. The last two weeks did turn out to be the best. Plus it was the best diet I ever went on. You'd think all that bread and cheese would fatten a gal up, but I managed to lose some pounds and gain some muscle. All that walking, I suppose, and all the healthy cooking done by my host mom.

I have 102 hours left until I get to see Reid. Has time ever gone this slowly? He told me he feels physical pain to be away from me for so long. I can't wait to bury my face in the curve of his neck and breathe in.

writings from France

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 08:41:29 GMT

12 Jun 2007

the trip so far

I'm in Chicago. I forgot how big this city really is. Last night my friend Spencer treated me to dinner at a tasty Thai restaurant and then we went to see an Improv Olympic show. How very Chicago, right? It was a nice night, but after we got back to the apartment, I found myself unable to sleep for most of the night. This is quite unfortunate. If you know me at all, you realize that when I am low on sleep, I am high in the superfluous emotion department. I will cry at the drop of a hat for no reason. This does not seem to be a good state to be in as I prepare to drag two bags (30 and 40 pounds, respectively) across the Chicago transit system to the O'Hare Airport, then across the United States and the Atlantic Ocean and then the English Channel into a country where they have a reputation for being snobbish and unfriendly and I don't speak the language perfectly. Wish me luck.

Another thing I was thinking about while riding the EL through Chicago yesterday: at some point I am sure most of you have imagined yourself as the protagonist of some kind of movie or reality television show that involved whatever current circumstance you were in. I used to do this a lot as a kid, and mostly the movies I "starred" in were romantic comedies, and I would think about it while I was at a skating rink or some other type of romantic movie setting. I would make meaningful glances at some boy and in my head, this was the catalyst for the "fate brought us together" scene or something or other. Anyway, today on the train I realized that somewhere along the way, my genre switched. I now always seem to be thinking that my movie is going to be a disaster drama, a la Children of Men. Maybe public transit always makes me think of potential bombs because of all the media influence and coverage of such events, but I really did sit there for most of the journey and think about digging myself out of wreckage and helping people and gritty emergency situations.

Is this weird?

Anyway, I better go for a walk or something. I'll be in a plane for 8 hours, so I might as well use my legs while I can. Love you all, miss you all. Email me if you want something from France. I'll think about getting it for you.

16 Jun 2007

Je suis ici! (I'm here!)

Well well well.

Let me just give you a nice taste of all the crap that went down for me to get to this friggin country:

i...

...left chicago an hour and a half later than planned due to a broken luggage belt and a power failure on the plane i was about to get on. When they finally let us on the plane, it was like a million degrees in there. Fun. This late departure led me to worry the whole time and not get any sleep on my 8 hour overnight flight.

...arrived in London 45 minutes before my next flight left, which was a ticket that was booked separately from the first, which meant after 10 minutes waiting for people to deboard the plane, another 10 minutes waiting for my bags, 5 minutes trying to find out where to check in and check my bags again, another 10 actually dragging my bags through customs and in a tram to the terminal and running to the ticket counter, that i missed my flight out of London.

...got put on standby for the next flight to Paris (at no extra charge thanks to the reservations agent who took pity on me because i was crying like the world had ended even though i should have had to pay)

...arrived in Paris to discover that my luggage did not make the flight with me and was still in London.

...bought a ticket for the last train to Lyon because the ticket I'd already bought was no good because of missing the flights.

...almost missed that train because there was a bomb threat in the train station and large men with large guns cleared everyone out and werent letting people get on their trains.

I've never been so stressed out in my entire life. It was nice to finally get to Lyon at almost midnight and meet my professor who told me that every student except one had travel troubles. And my woes weren't even the worst, there was a chick who didnt make it until like halfway through the second day of school. Quel cauchemar!

Anyway, like i said, je suis ici! Its one of the most beautiful cities i've ever seen. L'université is incredibly challenging, my host parents speak trés rapide and with such a heavy accent i barely understand them, and its frusterating to not be able to say what i think! I miss my family and friends and en particulier, mon petit chou Reid. Je l'aime beaucoup. My luggage is supposed to arrive tomorrow; i'm hopeful but not confident. Other than that, things are great!! The other students are nice and looking forward to partying together in this gorgeous and alluring city.

à bientôt!

danielle, la jeune fille américaine ;)

20 Jun 2007

la premiere semaine (the 1st week)

Ooooohweee its been a rough week.

I still don't have one of my suitcases. And only this morning as I was leaving for school did some guy in a truck drop off the little suitcase with all of my toiletries and shoes. So at least now I can take a nice long shower and wash my hair and not wear flip-flops that were cutting my feet to shreds. So much walking. Not fun in Walmart flip-flops. And its amazing how many things you take for granted until they're gone. Like the puffy thing that you put soap in to lather up and wash yourself... i cant think of the word right now- wait- Poof? Isnt it just called a Poof? I don't know anything anymore. I now think in a language I like to call "franglais:" french + anglais (english).

Anyway, so I have shower/bathroom toiletries, 1 pair of tennis shoes, 1 pair of nicer going out shoes, another pair of flip-flops in addition to the pair that I've worn since leaving Kansas City on June 11th, and 1 outlet adapter for Europe. Still no clothes though. We did get a hold of someone at British Airways and they said I could go out and buy 65£ worth of clothes and keep my receipts for reimbursement. So I bought a skirt (with pockets! very exciting.) and a few tank tops and a pair of capri jeans. Hopefully I will actually get reimbursed, but given their track record, I dont really trust British Airways to do anything except royally fuck up.

Not having luggage or being able to take a proper shower really affected the week that I had. I just felt anxious about everything and the more the days past with no luggage, the more anxious I got, and therefor the less French I understood because I just stopped caring and trying to understand. And I was even more sad because Danny Marr made it to Lyon on his way to Barcelona and it was so nice to finally have something familiar in this city, but I only got to see him for like 3 hours because my host family wanted me to come home for dinner. And I didn't know enough French to explain the situation and that eating with them was the last thing I wanted to do at that point. It was pretty touch and go there for a bit. Beaucoup de crying my eyes out. If there hadn't been a large sum of money that I would have forfeited, I probably would have just taken a taxi to the airport and gotten the hell out of here.

Now that I have at least one bag and got to settle in slightly has improved my mood vastly. Plus there are a few events on the horizon that I can look forward to and try to enjoy. Tomorrow is the Fête de la Musique. Apparently all the cities in France set up stages and small tents all over the common places and every kind of band and music is played all over all the cities. Plus, everyone who can play an intrument will just go out into the streets and plug in their guitars or just stand out and play music and everyone walks around and drinks wine and beer all night long. Sounds like my cup of thé. And in two weeks I'll be going to Paris Thursday night-Monday with a few friends. Obviously that will be enjoyable.

So hopefully things are getting better. Perhaps this last week was a lesson in appreciating the small things and being thankful for what you take for granted and looking on the bright side of life. I just wish it wouldn't have been such a long, hot, sweaty, sore, aching, blistering, smelly, anxious kind of lesson.

à bientôt, mes amis.
Danielle

24 Jun 2007

nouvelles choses (new things)

Finally, an update that isnt a list of things that have gone wrong.

I finally have my clothes and have been taking proper showers with the puffy soap thing. Its funny how those things can really affect your outlook on life.

I finally started having fun and relaxing a bit, thanks to clean clothes and a clean me. The Fête de la Musique was absolutely brilliant. After class a group of the students and I met up at Place Bellecoeur for a lovely meal of "kebab" meat and a pita from the multitude of street vendors there. About 20 feet from us was a group of Native American Indians dressed in traditional garb and playing drums and chanting, etc, and about 20 feet from that was a group of kids mixing really bad eurotrash pop/disco music on turntables. There were Coldplay coverbands and bagpipers and french folk music and punk rock and techno house music aplenty, and thousands and thousands of people out in ever street in the city.

After taking in a few performances, we headed across the Saône River to Vieux Lyon and bought bottles of outrageously cheap and horrible wine to drink on the riverside. My friend Emily and I shared an especially disgusting bottle that cost us all of 2.95£. But it did the trick and soon we were all wine happy and the cacophony of the multiple music genres started to sound like symphonies. Then we headed to a pub in the heart of Vieux Lyon called St. James, where the bartenders are cuter because they all speak English. The streets in Vieux Lyon were so tiny and the crowds of people so great that we literally had to push our way through to the bar the entire time. After buying a few cups of Sangria from a street vendor who looked like he'd had a few too many himself, we stood outside The St. James and enjoyed the bagpiper standing a few paces up the street. I felt especially good, since this had been the first time I had actually enjoyed myself and wasn't stressed in almost 2 weeks. There was a group of rowdy French guys and girls to our left who were attempting to do Irish jigs to the music, and mostly because of the Sangria, I decided to show them how it was really done. They were obviously impressed with my fancy footwork and complete lack of french grammar. (the more intoxicated you get in France, the more you try to speak in French without inhibitions about mistakes, although the result is usually complete incomprehension.) It turned out that one of them did speak English and actually was a big fan of the Kansas City Chiefs, oddly enough. They invited us to another bar down the street where we listened to some really bad house techno music while taking a shot filled with some kind of liquor and tabasco sauce. I thought I was going to die. So all in all, a good night finally.

This weekend was nice as well, we got out of class early on Friday and Emily and I went and bought our train tickets to Paris next weekend, we went window shopping at the mall in preparation for the nationwide sales that go on starting this Wednesday, and then we went out for beer and a stroll down the Rhône river with our new French friends from the Fête the night before.

Then Saturday night at dinner with my host family, we were talking about bungee-jumping and parachuting, and they told me that Martine (my host mom) had been paragliding like 3 years ago (keep in mind this woman is like almost 60). I told them that I had always wanted to go either parachuting or paragliding and I think they were going to offer to take me, but then decided it was just really expensive. So they offered to take a Sunday and take me to Geneva instead. So the 8th of July I'm headed to Geneva for an afternoon. I'm pretty stoked.

France isn't that bad (provided you have clothes and have had a proper shower within a few days.)

My birthday is tomorrow. Its weird to not be spending it with loved ones and instead with people that I've only just met a week and a half ago. I'm not really sure whats happening except that there will be some kind of drinking after class and perhaps, hopefully, du gâteau (some cake).

bisous! xoxox

Danielle

29 Jun 2007

Paris (the city, not the rich chick)

so i'm in Paris. just got here. no sign of the Eiffel Tower yet. Emily and I were supposed to meet up with her sister when we got here and the hotel we're staying at was reserved by Emily's sister and we only have a general idea of where it is.

Now comes the fun part: Emily's sister missed her flight out here and we just found out after we got into Paris that she was hoping we could postpone our trip until a later time and asked if we would cancel the reservations for the hotel.

Should be an interesting stay from here on out! Paris shenanigans are the best shenanigans!

06 Jul 2007

an update

Paris was of course, fantastic. We saw most of the big touristy stuff the first day and the second day we relaxed a bit, had a few bottles of champagne on the lawn in front of the Eiffel Tower that night, and had a nice breakfast before catching the train back to Lyon. I have a funny story involving a bottle of wine, a drunk Frenchman and his attempts at English, but its too long to type, so if you care, ask me later.

The July part of the program started this Tuesday. I was excited for it to begin because even though we're just over halfway finished, it feels like the beginning of the end. Except it didn't turn out so great. Time seems to have slowed to a pace that would put it second place in a race with a rock. In addition to the 20 or so kids from Kansas City, we had a large group of students from Arizona join us, as well as a group from Korea, 3 or 4 people from Serbia, and one chick from Romania. All the groups were split up into the different levels of French proficiency, and now have classes on some days at 8am. None of these things have been improvements to my life here. The Arizonans are alright, there is one or two that annoy the shit out of me, but overall, I like. The Koreans are adorable, but a tad difficult to understand and mostly stick with each other. I fucking hate the Serbians. Fuuuuuuuuu-ckkkkkkkking hate the Serbians. The Romanian chick is the worst though. Why does she/they have to be in my level and in most of my classes? Why? The answer is this: its the same reason my luggage was lost for a week- God hates me.

Ah well. I'm still very thankful that I'm here and that I have this wonderful opportunity to study this obsinate and difficult language in its country of origin, but I do miss my wonderful English-speaking life in Seattle, especially my wonderful English-speaking and non-Serbian boyfriend. I wrote him an email the other day that sums up my feelings perfectly: This program has been great, but its basically just three weeks too long. It would be absolutely perfect if I was headed back this week. Everything would stay magically European in my head and I'd remember the experience fondly. But its going on a little long and I'm getting over the whole France thing. I stocked up on all my culture the first couple of weeks, and I'm chock full now. Time to go. I'm out. As Reid put it, "you've proven to everyone that you are a world traveller and its time to come home now." Instead, there's still 2.5 weeks left for the charmingly European taste to turn stale in my mouth. Everyday there seems to be something very French that's very annoying. I do have a greater appreciation of the dull and comforting familiarity of the US which I used to find boring and like "grass less green." I probably am just PMSing. I've been real grouchy and have had a black outlook on life lately. Maybe the last two weeks will be the best. What's that saying? "One can always hope."

I'm going to Geneva with my host parents on Sunday. Should be swell. Tonight, I plan on binge drinking and trying to forget that I had to write a poem (in French, bien sûr!) at 8am this morning. Who has assignments like that? I can't even write poetry in English, assholes. Nice try.

oh- one more parting complaint: I learned a new word today in French. Its "créee." It is the feminine past participle of the verb créer- to create. Really? THREE e's? Are three e's in a row really necessary? Couldn't you have just called it a day after 2 e's and said the feminine version can actually be the same as the masculine without your berets exploding from the stress? I'll let you ponder that as I uncork this bottle of wine.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 03:56:50 GMT

seattle is great except for the fact that its always sunny and nice on weekdays and rainy on weekends.

dating a boy is great except for the fact that he's a dj and i am a private person. my newest gay friend says i'm just being a girl and dumb, which is true, but still; its annoying enough to mention to xanga at 12:48am Pacific Standard Time on a rainy thursday night. oh well, as they say- it's only radio.

studying in france is going to be great, except for the fact that international airfare is ridiculous. i realize fuel comes at a high price, but honestly british airways- i need some money to be left over for tacky little eiffel tower souvenirs and berets for all my friends.

after reviewing this entry, it seems that i should take out all the "except for the fact that" clauses and actually be thankful for all of the brilliant shining amazingness that my life consists of right now. pretend like i did. i'm not actually going to, because then this entry would be like 4 sentences long and this whole paragraph wouldn't make sense.

oh yeah, reid and i are going to see the New Amsterdams on friday, Zach Galifinakis on saturday, and either Bright Eyes or Bloc Party on sunday. welcome to weekends in big cities- there's actually stuff to do!!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 10:05:12 GMT

So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last days of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by when they're busy making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost barely enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door.

-George Jung in Blow

Friday, December 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 13:35:40 GMT

LAUGH, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,

But has trouble enough of it's own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all.

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a long and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 09:41:48 GMT

i hate the feeling of missing people. i hate it when people move away. i love travelling to visit them, but it never feels like enough time. it never IS enough time. having my best friend move away in high school was bad enough, but having my boyfriend move away for a job is worse.

The plane meets its reflection on the wet
Runway, then crosses
To where I wait
Behind plate glass.

I watch
With a mixture of longing and despair
As you re-enter the real world.
All we have is each other.

I sometimes wonder
If that is enough;
Whether being together
Enlarges or diminishes grief.

--Stewart Conn

Monday, November 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 09:24:37 GMT

the only person your grudge is hurting is you. it can't feel to good to keep re-living and holding on to that for the sole purpose of keeping your bitterness fresh. i am sorry for what part was mine in that ridiculous and obviously convoluted situation. your residual animosity towards me, when my absolute culpability is dubious in the first place, is well beyond its expiration date.

honestly, this is not meant to provoke you; it's just meant to help things move along so at some point we can be past this and act like adults when in public places.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 14:36:27 GMT

"When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or a picture falls off the wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain.

If there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loudly your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white caught in the sea, it roars like a mother bear whose cub as been taken. That's what it looks like and that's what it sounds like, a thrashing, panicking, trapped, great big beast, roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions. But that's the thing about love; no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks, it's silent, you're just screaming on the inside but no one can hear it.

But Elizabeth, she saw the heartbreak in me and I saw it in her and without having to talk about it we both knew."

-C.A.